Okay, again, not my usual style at all – this will be a collection of one-shots based at least partly on real conversations I have had. Please, NO FLAMES on topics of discussion or on content; these are the views of my characters, not myself. Thank you!! I’m not sure what sort of feedback I’m after, but do review if you are at least a little entertained!! Thank you!!

Vegetarianism

“Vegetarians,” he huffed, shifting into a more comfortable position on the cushion-loaded armchair. “Don’t even get me started on them, bunch of bloody hypocrites.” He worked up some phloem and spat into out into the ashtray on the side table next to the armchair. He scratched the back of his head, moving his hand down to his neck as he dealt the bothersome itch.

I didn’t get you started on them, you brought it up yourself… “Hypocrites?” His young, open-minded daughter asked from her position on the couch across the room, a mug of hot chocolate between her hands, her knees drawn up as she leant her elbows on the armrest of the couch. “What do you mean? They don’t eat meat because of religious reasons.”

“I ain’t talkin’ bout the religious crap – none of that kosher meat or nuffink,” he said, taking a drag on his cigarette.

I’m NOT talking about the religious reasoning… she corrected his grammar in her own mind. “It’s not crap, its what people believe,” she said, glancing down. “But the vegetarians who aren’t religious, who choose simply not to eat meat and fish… they choose to do so because of the awful treatment the animals go through, the slaughter-”

“Slaughterhouse. Yes, I know, Michelle.” He muttered, cutting her off, and moving more cushions from underneath him. “And that’s fine, you don’t like how the sheep are all cramped together on the truck then killed.”

“So why-” Michelle began again, only to be interrupted by him.

“Coz they’re bloody hypocrites, that’s why! It’s this poncy ‘holier than thou’ attitude they all got! It’s all ‘oh no, we don’t eat those poor animals, how ghastly’,” he spoke in as posh-sounding a voice as he could muster.

Michelle stifled a giggle, “not really, they just feel it’s wrong that the animals go through that sort of treatment.” I’m in for a lecture, now.

“No,” he continued, shaking his head and continuing to fidget in his chair, “but they’ll wear leather shoes. Or wool. Where do they come from, hey, Michelle?” He asked.

“Well shearing a sheep doesn’t actually hurt them, dad,” she replied, “and cows have to be milked or they’ll be in pain and infection can set in.”

“What about leather, then?” He asked, one finger scratching his nose. “Where’s that come from?”

“Uhm…” the young teenager faltered, “cows?” Here we go….

“Exactly, I bet the cow don’t survive that.”

“But dad….” Stop being so stubborn, dad!

“But nothing,” he muttered, voice raising angrily at her stubbornness, “it’s this attitude of ‘being holier than thou’ thing – ‘oh no, we cant possibly eat meat, but I’ll wear the shoes – leather. I’ll buy a leather sofa or wear make-up that’s been tested on them’,” he continued to imitate. “It’s a bunch of hypocritical… contradictory… crap!” he snorted, taking another drag. Michelle remained quiet, taking in her father’s argument. Are you done yet?

“But what really winds me up,” he continued, filling the short pause, “is the fact that they don’t care about human rights.”

“Where did you figure that from?” Michelle asked, shocked. Obviously not… human rights?

“The fact that they’ll wear clothes or shoes made by people in China, getting paid… a pound for a months work – if they care so much about animal rights – they don’t seem to give a blind fuck about these people working in those conditions,” he paused for breath.

“That makes sense, I guess,” Michelle nodded. When will you stop going on about it? Jeez, you made your point….

“You followin’ me?” He asked, spitting a wad of phloem into the astray.

“Yeah, dad,” she said, sipping her hot chocolate. Goodness sake….

“You are??” He asked again. YES! Are you deaf? Heh…only to others.

“Yeah…” she mumbled, “want me to get you another beer, dad?”

“Please, love, ta,” he said, before belching, “that’d be lovely.”

Finally.

Like I said, not my usual style, not even sure why I wrote this– and please, no flames on content – these are the views of my character, not me! Also, all thoughts are in italics, and they’re all Michelle’s. Do review if it entertained you some!