I fought against myself for you;
My memories and my love
Conflicting with the searing pain
And blinding numbness of
The lies you told yourself,
That I ended up believing;
How charmingly naïve to think
That you were all you were deceiving;
I bled for you, I cried for you,
I threatened and I lied,
I called for you, I stood for you,
For you I fell, I died;
I was reborn smarter,
I said “no such pain, no longer,”
But for the thought of life without you, I
Would need to be much stronger;
I have decided, in delirium, that it’s
Much better to destroy myself
In agonizing slowness than be bereft
Of that colossal someone else;
In all your shards that cut me,
That bled me to the bone,
How much better to die bloody
Than to simply die alone?,
But you, you fail to notice;
You’re captivated, as it were,
With your self-inflicted struggle
Of your colossal other: Her-
(Not so much a person as
A question in your mind-
That lingering “What if?”
Of some goddess left behind)-
And with this, you have destroyed me:
With your right, your need, to voice
Everything you know is true, except
This fundamental choice;
You have pulled me to the greatest heights
That I have ever known;
And flung me to the deepest depths
I know I have been shown;
And I am tired of the way I feel,
The heartache and the strife;
I need to find some way to heal,
Not living in some search for life-
And you, you were my angel,
We choose the idol that we serve,
But I refuse to sacrifice
The god that I deserve.