Valentines day was in a few weeks and at Chris’s house, there was a big Valentines Day party. The only catch was that you could only get in if you had a date. Considering I knew him too well, I think he’d let me in without one. Or try to get me to be his date. I didn’t really want to do either. I needed someone to take to the party, and I needed to find them in a matter of weeks. So I called Kat up on Sunday and we went to the mall to consider my options.

“You could always take Dale, and ditch him for someone else there.” Kat said, unwrapping her burrito.

“Dale?”

“Yeah.”

“Kat, we just broke up. I don’t really want to bring him back up.”

“Does he still like you?” She said with a full mouth.

“Who knows, he might have another girlfriend by now.”

“Take your brother.” Kat smiled.

“No way. You take him.”

“I just might.” She said and purred and I stared at her.

“What about Crai-”

“Oh hey look! It’s the couch boy.” Kat pointed to a guy waiting in the Chinese food line. I slapped her hand down and sank down in my chair.

“What’s wrong?” She slid down in her chair too. “Is something going on?” She grinned and I shook my head.

“He came up to me at the party and laid in the lake, and everything was so surreal. I don’t think I want to talk to him again.” I thought about what I just said, and I wondered why I had said it. I really enjoyed being with Miles.

“Okay weirdo.” Kat got back up. “I forgot to tell you, Craig and I broke up.”

“What?!”

“Yeah, it was after that animal thing. He got upset and I realized that I didn’t like him anymore. He’s just always there, and whiney and I’m sick of his smelly cigarettes.”

“You two were supposed to get married. And have kids, and always be together!”

“I guess not.”

“You’ve been with him for five years!”

Kat just shrugged and took a bite out of her burrito. Her eyes suddenly got wide, and I thought she was choking but she was looking behind me and a smile crept to her face.

“Hey Leah.”

I rolled my eyes at Kat and turned around.

“Oh, hi Miles. What are you doing here?”

“I’m getting Chinese food for my mom. She’s sick and she loves this stuff.” He made a face. “I think it stinks.”

“That’s really nice of you.”

“Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Sure.” I looked at Kat. “I’ll be right back.”

I got up and pushed my chair in, and followed him to a little corridor by some water fountains and payphones.

“Alright, I wanted to apologize for the way I acted yesterday. I was a little drunk, and I didn’t even know you but I took you to the lake and I don’t know…it was odd. I don’t usually do things like that… I hope you don’t think I’m some kind of weirdo. And really, we don’t ever have to see each other again.”

“Oh.” Was all I said. I didn’t know what to say to him. Maybe he didn’t really care. I didn’t want to tell him that I wanted to see him again, so I just smiled.

“It’s okay.” I said. I looked up at his face, and he seemed worried as if what I thought about him mattered a lot. In the light, I realized, he was gorgeous as Kat tried to explain, and all of a sudden I realized that I’d have to take charge of the situation. I wanted him to want me. Or maybe I just wanted him.

“Want to come with me to the Valentines Day party?”

He seemed taken aback. His face registered a pained expression and he put his hand on the back of his head.

“There’s the other thing. I have a girlfriend.” He looked down as he said this. I felt immediate humiliation.

“But then again, she has been cheating on me for about two months.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

He laughed.

“Don’t be. It’s for the better. My friends keep telling me to get out and find a better girl. I guess then I should go with you. I really want to. It’s strange, I know, I just met you. But you’re really interesting. We’ll see if you’re trustworthy.” He winked.

“It is kind of hard to trust again when someone breaks your heart.”

“Agreed.”

I looked up at him, and remembered how pretty he looked when he was drenched in lake water. I shivered.

“I guess you should have my number?”

“I have time to get that, I know we’ll see each other again.” He said mysteriously. “I need to get this food to my mom right now though. She’s probably waiting.”

“Oh right. Of course. Well, go on then. Don’t keep her waiting.” I smiled.

“Thanks.” He nodded his head, and turned to walk away. He turned his head back and grinned. “Don’t forget about me.”

“I won’t.” I whispered to myself.

---

“Oh please? Come with me?”

“Bryan! I’m not going to do everything for you.”

“I don’t know how to shop. It’s not in my blood. Men weren’t built to shop.”

“That’d work, if you were a man.”

“Hey, check out the grizzle.” He pointed to his face. “If I have facial hair, that’s man enough.”

“Alright, fine Mr. Man. I’ll go. But you have to drive.”

Bryan threw his arms up in mock triumph. He grabbed the money our mom left for him on the counter and his keys.

“Thanks Lee. It means a lot to me.” He gave me a cute grin. I couldn’t help but smile at his adorable puppy eyes. He started to go out the door but stopped when he realized I wasn’t moving. I had bizarre feelings towards my brother that I never knew how to describe. I loved him, very much so. But I was hoping my love for him was of the family type. I scared myself thinking otherwise.

“Lee?” He came closer to me and I looked at his face in detail. He has perfect lips, and today there was no metal in them, so they looked even more alluring.

“Leah,” he said very softly, and came even closer. My breathing became very quick, but I tried not to let Bryan see my nervousness. My palms began to sweat and I wondered why my brother made me feel this way. But then again, we’ve been separated most of our lives. My mother divorced my dad, and they each took a kid with them. When my father died two years ago, Bryan came to live with us.

He suddenly was right in front of me, with his arms on either side of me, gripping the countertop I was leaning against. His face was next to mine and his eyes were looking right into me.

“Bryan?” I asked as I felt his warm breath hit my face.

“I know this is wrong.” He said after a moment. “I know I’m not supposed to be attracted to my own sister. It makes me feel really sick sometimes, but I want to be with you a lot. I can’t help it. Do you feel it too? There’s a pull. Some kind of a connection that binds us that has nothing to do with being family.”

As he spoke I felt uncomfortable and at the same time, at ease. I felt what he was talking about. I wasn’t the only one. But I wasn’t the only one who thought it was wrong too.

“I wish I could have you.” He whispered and put his forehead against mine like he always does.

“I wish-”

And he kissed me. A deep long kiss that drove my insides insane. He pulled me up onto the counter and I reached down to keep kissing him, running my hands through his soft hair. His lips felt so perfect against mine. And then I felt it. The plunge of my stomach that I got when something was horribly wrong. I opened my eyes and pulled away from him. He stared up at me longingly and I sighed. He understood.

“Leah, never let me do that again.” He said, with his eyes closed. He put his arms around me and let his hands rest on the small of my back. “Never let me hold you again.”

I couldn’t say anything, and I couldn’t look at him. He let go of me and walked to the car. I followed silently, dragging my hand along the countertop. There was a silence that wasn’t only awkward, but also filled with lots of other things. Sadness, lust and maybe even anger were in the air. I got into the car and tried to shut the door silently. Bryan started to car and backed out of our driveway and within a few silent minutes, we were in front of the mall.

“I need pants.” Bryan said helplessly. He sighed and finally looked at me. Then he jumped, startled by something. I turned to look out my window and saw Miles standing a few feet away with a similar look on his face. My stomach flipped. What could I do? I opened the door after taking a deep breath and walked over to Miles, leaving Bryan in the car, still confused.

“Hey, it’s okay if you’ve got a guy…”

“Miles, he’s my brother.”

“Oh, well that takes a lot of stress out of the situation.” He gave me a small smile. “Funny running into you two days in a row, huh?”

“Yeah…funny.” I felt uncomfortable, like talking to a boyfriend I had just cheated on. I looked back at Bryan and turned to Miles. “Remember the brother I was looking for at the party? Well that’s him.”

“Okay. Hey, if you want me to go away I totally understand.”

“No why don’t you come with us? We’re shopping for pants.”

“Alright, if he doesn’t kill me.”

“He won’t.” I said walking up to Bryan. He got out of the car and locked it.

“Bryan, this is my friend Miles and Miles, this is my brother Bryan.” I said. They shook hands awkwardly.

“I hope this won’t be too awkward.” I said.

“Oh no, not at all.” Miles laughed. Bryan hung his head a little, and we walked into the mall.

---

“Guys.”

“One minute.”

“ Come on. You’re so immature.”

“This is the Legend of Zelda, Lee. It’s very important.” Bryan said, concentrating on the screen. Miles shrugged and continued to watch Bryan play.

“AH, behind you!” He shrieked. Bryan’s little character turned and used his little sword to kill something. I sighed for the thousandth time that hour.

“Pants? Bryan, you dragged me here to get pants. I was supposed to help. This game… it isn’t pants.”

“Yeah, yeah pants.” Bryan muttered. That was followed by “Aw shit! I died!”

“Dude, she’s right. We need to get you pants.” Miles pointed to Bryan’s pants that were ripped in many places. Bryan puffed his cheeks out. I rolled my eyes. Miles walked over to me and whispered in my ear.

“After this, would you be willing to hang out?”

“No.” I looked into his eyes. I had never noticed his eyes before. They were a soft and friendly brown. I tried to fall into his eyes, but found myself resisting.

“Why?”

“I’ll see you at the party.” I heard a girl say to her friend close to us. I looked at Miles and thought for a second.

“You know what, I’ll do it.” I smiled. “But first, pants.”

“Pants?” he looked confused.

“For Bryan!”

“Oh yeah.” He smiled sheepishly and stuck his hands in his pockets. Bryan walked up to us and stared at me.

“Where do I go?” He asked innocently. I shrugged, and so did Miles.

“The Pant’s Store?” Miles suggested.

“What? That doesn’t exist!” I shoved him.

“When’s that Valentines party?” Bryan asked. I sighed yet again.

“Maybe it’s on VALENTINES day?” I said sarcastically.

“Oh yeah.” He smiled, showing all his teeth. I shook my head at him. But inside my stomach was churning with nervousness. Here were two very attractive boys. One was my brother and the other a friend. And yet I still had strong feelings for my brother. It made me sick. I looked at Miles with his ruffled hair and soft eyes and beautifully slim body that he held with confidence, his arms that had just the perfect amount of muscle to them, and his hands that were perfect, complete with slender fingers. I felt a shiver go through my body. Maybe I could be attracted to him. Maybe we could date and fall in love. Real love. Not lust for one another like I had with my brother. Was it really lust? I wasn’t sure, but I had to give Miles a try.

After shopping a while, Bryan found some pairs of pants and went to his friend’s house, and Miles and I went to a coffee place.

“I know this is the typical place to go to, when you’re first getting to know someone, but it has its advantages.” Miles said. He was so gentle compared to Dale, my last boyfriend. Dale took me to places he liked, and I never had the heart to tell him that I hated seafood, which was his favorite. And of course, after dinner it was back into his car for a little romp in the backseat. I thought I loved him the first time we had sex. It was so meaningful to me. He said it was too, but I didn’t believe him at all. Sex was never a hit with me, but it was all part of the relationship.

“Leah? What do you want?”

“ I don’t feel like coffee. Do they have tea?”

He grinned.

“The best! I recommend the raspberry.”

“Okay, I’ll have that. What are you getting?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I guess a caramel something. I like caramel.” He smiled like a dork and looked away.

I sat down at one of the fancy couch-like booths and looked around. It was a very mellow place, with paintings and ratty couches and booths and books. There were lots of books. I picked one up. There was nothing written on the cover or the side, so I opened it. The first few pages were blank and then I got to one that had writing.
“ December 1st, 1949: I wish I had more time to write, then this entry would be significantly better. Being the first entry, it has to make a good impression. I’m afraid I’m not excellent at good impressions, so I will tell you about me. I am 26 years old. I returned from war a week ago, on honorable discharge, and my family is giving me the best care they can. I however cannot cope with the losses I’ve had to endure. I lost my best friend, my left leg and my left arm. I’m afraid that the infection…”

“What are you reading?” Miles was suddenly near me. I jumped and the book flew out of my hands.

“J-just someone’s old diary.” I said as I tried to calm myself down. I put the book away.

“Are you alright? You seem kind of spooked.” He looked at me, worried. “Want to get some air?”

“Yeah, air would be nice.”

“ Air it is. Come on, I got your tea.”

I followed him outside, to his car where he checked if it was locked and then motioned for me to follow him into some forest behind the coffee place. He seemed to be a pro walking through it, holding the right branches back for me with his arms (he never gave me my tea) and we walked straight through until we got to a clearing with a few smooth logs in a circle. He sat down on one and I sat down next to him. He handed me my tea.

“The logs are smooth from being sanded and many butts sitting on them. This is my favorite place to relax.”

“It’s quite… romantic.” I laughed.

“Isn’t it?” He grinned. “So how’s your tea?”

“It’s very good. Thank you.” I said. I glanced over at him and he was looking at me. I didn’t know what else to say so we just looked at each other for a little bit. It was awkward and unnerving but we never glanced away. Something rustled nearby and both our heads swung towards the noise as a deer popped out into the clearing. It stared at us. We stared at it. Then I burst out laughing and it sprang away.

“Why’d you do that?” Miles asked, bewildered.

“It was funny! This deer just popping out and staring at us.” I chuckled. He laughed a little but then took my hands in his. I turned to him.

“Leah, you make me feel… something. I can’t explain it. The way you laugh or smile at me. Just the electricity from your body, it makes me feel very…” He scratched his head. “Listen, you’re beautiful.”

I blushed and touched my hand to my face. I didn’t know what to say. I smiled because he was being very sweet, and my heart swelled up about two times its original size. He took my hand from my face and held it in his again. Then he leaned very close to me and put his face up to mine. I felt his breath; I smelled it. It smelled really nice, like sweet caramel, warm and soft, inviting like his eyes. His lips brushed up against mine and they were warm and so were mine, and they melted together to create a sweet taste. My lips and face tingled and I felt the odd sensation of being drunk. He pulled away from me and looked into my eyes once again.

“You make me feel complete.” He said.