AN - This isn't anything special, just something I thought up whilst bored at the computer the other day. There's still parts I'm not happy with, but it's not something I want to edit much. Just your typical teenage angst!

Honestly

"What a wonderful feeling."
Have I said that before?
Have I told you I'm happy
as I walk out the door?
Have I told you its nothing,
have I told you I'm fine?
Have I cracked open a smile
and spewed forth another lie?

Well maybe its time
that you questioned me then?
That you asked me in earnest,
that you gave me the pen
so I might express my feelings
and spell out my disgust.
After all; in the pen, ink and paper I trust.

I can't blame myself
for being a recluse.
I can't blame my parents
and I doubt I'll blame you.
So, who is to blame?
For it is surely not me,
if I am wicked then really,
that's all I can be.

I'd change, but I dont want to,
I'd smile but its tough.
You're not worth the effort.
You're not worth all that much.

I know this is sketchy,
more angst for my fire.
I don't expect you to take note of
the words of a liar.

But I am tired of this feeling
and I am tired of defeat,
I am tired of insisting
that I am fine and upbeat.
In truth, I'm disgusted
with the way that I fell.
From the manger
Into danger
Into this...Home Sweet Hell!

Perhaps it is my fault,
perhaps I am my own demon,
perhaps I stood laughing
as I spiralled down screaming,
perhaps I'm the thing that ruins my day.
Maybe, just maybe,
I need to go away.

Somewhere quiet, somewhere green,
somewhere calm and serene,
somewhere away from these people
from this nightmare, his scream,
and in peace he'll be with me
and the wither will cease.
The nagging. The shouting.
My family's disease.

We'll be fine, at the bottom.
With no skylight in sight.
We'll be fine, you and I,
No bothersome light.
Who needs the sunshine?
And who needs support?
If we've got darkness and sadness
the whole world is our door!

And of course, there's the fact
that we'll be right at the base.
Losers can only ascend,
while winners can only lose grace.
So when you fall to the bottom,
when you lose your Skyhigh,
ask me how Im feeling
and youll know
that when I say
I'M FINE
I am honestly. Truthfully. Desperately
LYING.