The Summer Before College: June 25th to July 4th
Frau's German Class Goes to Germany!

AT DULLES AIRPORT:

Victoria: (Looking at her airline ticket) "Class W"? Not even class C, but class W?! I'm with the livestock!

Me: Hermaphrodite me, Cap'n!

(While watching the emergency procedures video; a woman places an oxygen mask over a child's face)
Kid: Hey, where'd that kid come from?!

(The plane begins to take off)
Woman: Wheeeee!!! (Giggling madly)

(Eight hours later, and the plane begins to land)
Kid: Whoo!

(Our wheels touch down)
Lady: Wow! Someone give this pilot a "pass"!

Captain: You should all give our co-pilot a big round of applause because this was his first time landing one of these aircraft.
Passengers: ... (FREAK OUT)

Me: At least we didn't fly some crappy airline where the engines fall off.
John: If the engine fell off, I'd tell you guys. "OH MY GOD, THE ENGINE FELL OFF!"
Becky: "I want my money back! I am disatissfied with this service!"

John: Gut fahrt!
Alex: Geh fahrt!
Me: Er fahrt jeden Tag!

(It's raining outside)
Michael: This isn't rain! It's...liquid sunshine!

Victoria: All of my friends are dating college guys.
Andrew: Hey! I'm dating college guys!

Victoria: Wait, so why is the lake important?
Me: Because it's a lake.
Victoria: And what does it do?
Me: It does lakes and stuff.

(We pass by a big-ass inflatable balloon of a guy bending over)
Victoria: EW! That is so weird! What is he doing?!
Me: Probably getting ready for buttsecks or something.

Becky: (Rapping) I'm the one who suggested to go to the candy shop,
Where we would all let our Euros drop,
And I'd have to roll y'all out,
And then Frau would chew us out!
Fo' shizzle my nizzle, fee-fi-fo-izzle!

Becky: If I don't lose twenty pounds on this trip, I'm going to lose all hope on life.

(In the hotel's elevator)
ELEVATOR: (BEEPS LOUDLY!!!!!!!!)
John: What was that?!
Becky: (Comes forward) That was my backpack.
(We look at the buttons. "-1" is alight)
Mr. Manning: Oh! You hit level negative one! People never come back from there.
(The elevator starts going down, however, we stop on floor three. Some people are waiting for the elevator, but for some reason, don't decide to come inside ours. The doors close and we continue on our journey.)
John: Why didn't they come in? We had room.
Mr. Manning: It was the negative one. Those poor souls. People who go down there never come back up.

John: Hey, are you guys' showers the size of a toilet?

(We pass by a strange "Mama Africa" poster, advertising the show on television)
Victoria: She has snakes on her.
Me: (Reading the poster) Wow, she's erotic and exotic! Wild!
Andrew: There's tons of things you can do with snakes.
John: (Oblivious) I love it when people put the snake in their mouth.
US: (BURST OUT LAUGHING!!!!!!!)
John: (Is confused!)
Andrew: Erotic snakes?
John: EW.
Andrew: She likes big snakes. Big and black. She can play with my snake anytime. (Turns to John) Can you put your snake in MY mouth?

Becky: Hey, I heard that if you put Preparation H under your eyes, it gets rid of the bags and stuff.
Me: Ew...
Victoria: I don't want to try that...
Becky: Some star started it.
Victoria: Yeah, but I don't want to have asscream on my face...

Becky: Penis! Remember Mama Africa's penis? It stuck out like a sore thumb...or like something else.
Victoria: It stuck out like a sore penis.

Victoria: Pigs R Us!

(After viewing one of King Ludwig II's palaces)
James: You know what? Instead of making decorations out of sea turtles, we should make decorations out of babies.
Becky: ...You're going to Hell.

James: What's the difference between babies and potholes? I swerve for potholes.

Tour Guide Daniel: (Singing) It's quiz time! It's quiz time! It's Daniel's Craptastic Germany Quiz!

Tour Guide Roland: Biking is an easier way to get from point A to point two.

(While examining gilded wall images)
Roland: What are some of the motifs and images you see here?
Kid: Fishing!
Roland: No, they're not fishing.
Another Kid: Birds!
Victoria: Birdfishing.
Kid: Fishfishing!
Girl: Deerfishing!
Frau: Pheasantfishing!

(While trying to cram about seven people on one small bench)
John: (Making up German) Moven Sie over! Sitzen Sie over! Scoochen Sie downen!

Daniel: Okay, everyone, listen up, because this is very complicated. You buy beer over there... (Points to a long line) You drink it over there... (Points to some tables) And you empty it over there! (Points to a bathroom!)

Me: (Singing) Duh-duh-duh-DAMN! Duh-duh-duh-DAMN! Duh...-duh..-duh...-DAMN!
Victoria: (Singing along, faster) Duhduhduhdamn duhduhduhdamn duhduhduhdamn duhduhduhdamn!

John: (Watches everyone change seats on the bus) Wow... We're really switching it up today! (Gets up) Musical white people! Let's go!

(After John kills a bug)
Becky: It was a huge bug-slash-bee thing.
Andrew: Jeez, John, it would have--
Chris: Killed everyone on the bus, yeah!
John: I think I'm owed a beer for that!

Miles: What's pink and red and spins at 200 miles per hour? A baby in a blender.

Miles: What's the difference between ten dead babies and a Mercedes? I keep the Mercedes in the garage.

Victoria: What do you call a dead baby pinned to the wall? Art.

(The back of the bus suddenly gasps loudly)
Me: Ahhh!!
John and Victoria: Wow!
Alex: McDonald's FunPlex!

Alex: How many dead babies does it take to paint a house? It depends on how hard you throw them.

(We pass by a building labeled "SPAG")
Victoria: I want to work in the Spag building...
Me: Spag. Gay spaggot. Bob Spaggot.

John: (Singing a parody of the famous "concentration" schoolyard clapping game) Concentration! (Clapclapclap!) Sixty-four! (Clapclapclap!) No Africans! (Clapclapclap) Or other races! (Clapclapclap!) Whites go first! (Clapclapclap) Blacks go second!...

Victoria: That is an ugly-colored car. It's like, puke purple.
Andrew: You're an ugly-colored car!

Alex: Harry Potter! You dumbass little fag!

Frau: Schnell! Schnell!
(Schnell means "quickly" in German)
Rhonda: (Oblivious) I'm schnelling, I'm schnelling!

Daniel: Right there is a C&A clothing shop. Proves that you don't have to bomb a city to make it ugly.

North Carolinian: Where's Mike?
Miles: Who knows? He's probably IN Ally; that's what I think!

Becky: (Looks into the mirror) Oh my God I look like I just got shot in the head.

Alex: (While watching some television) What language are they speaking?
Me: They're speaking buttsecks.

Victoria: This blanket is the size of a brick!

Becky: (Screaming, throwing her blanket) WHAT THE -FUCK- IS WRONG WITH THIS -BLANKET-!?!?!?!?

Dave: (Holds up his bag of gummi candy) I don't think this'll get past security. I've got rubber explosives.
His Wife: (Looks at him, wide-eyed) Don't SAY that!!

(While going through the emergency procedures)
Purser: If you need to inflate the life vest manually, you can also blow it up via the red tube.
Steward: (Instead of blowing into it with his mouth, he sticks the tubes into his nose)

Steward: (To a French lady) Apple juice or ketchup? (Holds up a can of tomato juice)

Steward: (Passing out food) We ran out of pasta, so chicken or squirrel?

Steward: No more pasta, so all you're gonna get is ice cream! (Dumps a thing of ice cream onto a passenger's tray) (BAM!)

Steward: (Talking to the mother of a girl who just threw up all over the plane) Make her drink ginger ale. Make her drink ginger ale so she won't become the exorcist again.

(After we land)
Purser: (Over the intercom) ...Yippee and hallelujah!