In my 27 years of life... I have been loved, lusted after, been raped, beat, drugged up... I have found God, lost Jesus, accepted fate, came face to face with death, been mutilated, been burned, tripped on a banana peel...I have lost my parents, and my brother... I have killed someone, been arrested, been fought over... I have bought a dog, owned three houses and married twice... (never having kids...)
Now ofcourse I've been through so much more because, you would think that, a twenty seven year old female would have gone through... twenty seven years of life... but to me it doesn't even feel like one full year of life.
I've lived in the same two story, Victorian, bright blue home my whole life.
I've had the same hair color, brown my whole life...
I've ate the same food on the same schedule every week... I've played the same Nintendo 64 games since as far as I can remember ... and I have been deemed "an explosive child" since my early pre tweens...(but no one would have to know that right? You won't tell will you)
By the way, that's the point in reading this when you say aloud, "'I won't tell anyone'"... So did you say that? Or think it? Probably ... or probably not ... but it doesn't matter ... because by the end of this story ... you will have been through tears, laughter, emotional strain, confusion and pure bliss!
But ... that is later on ... now ... we start with the saddest day of my life.

---

"Mommy" I cooed, as I ran up to her grabbing at her pants leg.
"Not now, mommy is busy" She would reply ... she would always reply like that ... and (only recently) did I relies that she did not want to hold me because she was disgusted with me.
"But mommy" I said, pouting my lips. She would always give in when I got angry or annoyed, because she knew what would happen... I would blow up.
And when I say "blow up" I mean ... seriously ... temper tantrum is not even close to describing the chaos I caused ... and sometimes ... well ... it could have been caused over something as simple as my older brother eating the last ice cream sandwich ... and I would hit him and yell at everyone and scream and throw myself down. "Ok hunny" my mother gave in, picking me up.

I squealed with delight as she tossed me around like a doll, cooing "Dolly, Dolly" ... that was something that she had always said, even before I was born.
She would rub her stomach humming and saying, "Dolly... Dolly ... where are you? Won't you come and play"
It is an old nursery rhyme that none of you reading this would ever know.

She hoisted me up with a "ooph" and Set me on the kitchen counter. "Tell me bumblebee..." she began, "What is new in your life?" She smiled.
I loved her warm smile ... her amazing breakfast's ... her loving hugs ... and her distaste in everything "evil" ... although I would (later in my life) wonder if all those things that I loved about her were just another part of her "big lie."
"Well, mommy..." I began to chatter away.

My mother knew just what to say to get me going. Because when I started talking I wouldn't stop (and to this day I am that way.
I rambled on about something that I did with my doll house, I imagined that it was amazing that I moved the "whole house!" by myself ... but I was 9... what do you expect?)

My mother had went to the corner of the room, not but a few feet away, and had started to wash some vegetables while I went on and on, swinging my feet hitting the counter sides, and swaying back and fourth.
"Oh hunny that great" she would say occasionally, just to let me know that she was listening. But sometimes she would "zone out," basically forget I was there. But whenever she heard me repeat "mommy' more than twice she snapped back into and would reply, "Mommies listening hunny she was just thinking about what you said before that..."( and too a 9 year old, that was basically my cue to start talking again)

It was then that my older brother walked in and stood infront of me, blocking my view from mommy. "Get out of my way" I mumbled, pushing him back so I could see mommy.

"Hey twip!" he growled, pushing me back.
(he was only 13, but still my older, mean brother)
"Mommy... Drew pushed me!" I cried. "No, I didn't" Drew said to my mother. She gave him a stern look meaning, leave, and then walked over to me. I extended my arms to her, squeezing my hands... She picked me up and began rocking me back and fourth. I slowly began to fall asleep.

---

When I awoke I was in my upstairs room in my bed. It was dark and smelled of musk ... but why musk? I thought to my nine year old self. I slowly tiptoed across my room to the door, I opened it and stuck my head out, "Mommy!" I yelled... No Reply... "Mommy?" I yelled again, more concerned.
And then my brain flipped, I didn't know what to do ... thoughts began flooding my mind.

"What if she was hurt"
"Where's daddy?" "what if she left me"
What if ... what if...
Those were the thoughts that always sent me on one of my "blowups" as my mother refereed to them. And that was what made me calm down... It was birthday today, I remembered, assuming that I hadn't been asleep too long...

I thought out a plan for a second... "When mommy goes out," I said aloud, "she always leaves a note on the kitchen table just for me..."

I walked down the old upstairs hallway, twitching at every little creak in the floorboard. When I got in the kitchen I looked at the table ... no note.

I began to franticly look around ... note... Where's a note... I had thought. I searched in drawers and in cabinets. But nothing... And then I saw it... a note on the living room couch.
On the couch? I had thought, that's odd...

When I picked up the note I read it with shaking hands, it read.

"Hunny Bunny... Your brother, and your father, and I have all went out to the store, it is 10:35 AM now and we will be back around noon time. I put you to sleep at 10:22 AM and assume you will read this around noon, so hopefully we will be back.
I love you hunny, and sorry for putting the note on the living room... I love you bumble bee, Mommy"

And then there was a little scribble picture of a heart and a flower ... my Mom loved drawing weather she was good at it or not...

I looked over at the clock and it read,
8:59 PM... I looked at it again as it changed to 9:00 PM... I didn't understand at all... Where? I thought, now panicking truly.
I ran around the house screaming my families names ... no one answered... I ran outside and around the front and back yard looking under rocks and in the storage shed and the garage... (the neighbors probably thought I was a loony tune...)

I ran back inside and picked up the phone... I dialed the number that I remember for "granny"
She answered, "Hello? her ragged and time worn voice cooed.
"Grammy?" I asked, like I needed to ask(beause I knew her voice by now)
"Yes dear, are you Ok you sound panicked"
"I... mommy ... and daddy and drew ... um"
"Are they Ok?" she asked worried.
"I don't know ... they aren't home and said they would be home at noon"
Grammy checked her clock, "But its nine hunny"
"I know ... that's why Im calling you"
"Hunny stay there I will come and pick you up and we can look for them"
"Ok Grammy"
"I love you dear"
"Love you too Grammy" I then hung up and sat on my living room couch until the doorbell rang.

---

We pulled into the parking lot of the police station. I had never seen it from this close but I knew what it was by the people that came out of it(in uniform)
"Why are we here Grammy?" I asked curiously, innocently. She looked at me with tired, loving eyes.
"To ask if they have seen mommy and daddy and drew" "Oh... ok" I replied.

So naive I was ... and still am ... but... I was more naive then...

I walked up to the big desk, where the big man in blue sat (his lower body hidden from my view by the large desk.)
"Yes,?" He asked "Im looking for a small family, they haven't been home in a long time and Im worried something happened to them"
"ok," he said, typing on his computer, "If you want to file a missing persons report we have to wait another day and a half to make it legit..." "no no" Grammy said with an urgency and a show of hiding her fear "just see if anything has happened to a "Ford Camaro" containing "Three passengers ... two adults and one child" Grammy signed herself.

The cop nodded and typed furiously his computer. After a few seconds his vision lingered on the screen... He looked at me and then at Grammy. With a look of understanding Grammy asked me to sit "over there" in the waiting room. When I asked her why she replied, "Because the cop wants to know your moms special information ... and you cant hear it hunny"

I knew special information ... it was stuff like social security number and home address (stuff my parents made me aware of for the simple fact of child abductions)

Grammy walked back over the the cop, whom said something to her under his breath, more of a whisper.

Grammy, instantly, had a look of shock and held her hand over her mouth. She looked at me with tears in her eyes ... and I knew that my parents and brother were dead...