Homophobia.

The fear of homosexual beings or more accurately put, the fear of something different, the greatest fear of all, the fear that runs abundant in Bermuda; the fear that dictates every possible aspect of my life: homophobia.

I’m gay, but nobody knows it. I’m married; everybody knows it. I’ve got kids; everybody knows it. I’m a faggot but nobody knows it. The community says this is acceptable.

The bible says it’s wrong, the Church says its an abomination, people say it’s unnatural. All those around me want me to be someone I’m not, because if I were someone else, it wouldn’t benefit them. Silently I say they are wrong.

In order to fit in, in today’s society one must conform, comply and be obedient. One must follow these unwritten laws. Any other way is unacceptable.

I dress like everyone else at work. I do everything the way it should be done according to them. In my life I do everything, except live my life according to who I am.

It’s cold against my skin, but it’s okay; everything will be over soon. I won’t have to take it much longer. The warm, comforting embrace of freedom is near.

For too long I have given in to the wants of those around me. For too long I have complied with what this society wants me to be. For too long I have conformed to their standards. For too long I have denied it and now, for me it’s too late to change.

The tip of the blade only just pierces my flesh. I gasp in quickly as I plunge the cold hard steel into my chest. For a fleeting instant there is pain and the warmth of blood flowing, down my chest. Euphoria follows; knowing I will never once, have to put up with anything else, is the one thing that has kept me going.

Everything is gone. It’s been a long time coming. I’m sorry that I had to happen when they were here, in my life. But I cannot pretend anymore. The letters are on the counter one for each person I care about. To them I am sorry, but even they weren’t enough to stop this from happening.

As I lay there in my kitchen one thing will always remain the same. I couldn’t take it; I, the coward couldn’t handle the truth. High school bullies are right; the coward can’t take anything; the faggot deserves to die.

Well, they got their wish.

Homophobia.