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Why can’t it be yesterday forever? There’s nothing better than getting something you wished for for a long time. The feeling you get stays with you even the day after and makes you feel like… floating, no matter what.

It loses its magic when you realize that that something you wished for a long time, and enjoyed oh so very much, is never going to happen again. Not because you don’t want it with all your might, despise how dramatic that sounds… but because of the circumstances.

The fucking circumstances… and me, of course. I was the one that proposed a one time thing. I was the one that gave him a way out.

I know that if I haven’t had said that he probably wouldn’t have accepted… or it would have taken longer.

“Leo, darling, do you feel bad? Are you sick?”

That’s a tricky question… I feel like shit, but I’m not sick… sadly. I don’t want to face Sean today… or ever.

“No…”

“Then get up, get dressed and go to school. Now.” Mom commands me and disappears downstairs.

After a minute or so I hear the front door slam. What time is it…? Oh, crap… well, I’ll be there by second period. Less people for me to run into in the halls.

-

“Leo… just go and ask him… is it that terrible?” Alan is trying to convince me while Annie stares and listens to me whine.

“Yes, it’s pathetic… I don’t want to be all… clingy.” I think of Cameron. No, no way I’m gonna be like that.

“Yes, you do…”

“Well, maybe!” I snap defensively. “But… but…” Damn, I can’t think of anything to say.

“Leo, listen to me.”Annie puts her arm over my shoulder and walks me down the hallway. Alan is following close behind. “You could stay here complaining with us and just cry, kick and whine. Whatever. Or…” She stretches the word for effect… I guess. “You could go accidentally bump into him and tell him. If you do this then we have two possible scenarios. One is he tells you no, that it was just once and that he doesn’t want to see you ever again.”

I cringe.

“And the other’s that he jumps you and takes you right then and there.”

“Annie!” Alan is laughing.

“Like you wouldn’t want that…” She smirks.

“And what makes you think he’ll take me, hmm?” For some reason Alan laughs even harder… And they call themselves my friends, really.

“Annie’s right, Leo. Go find him and get this over with.” He says more seriously, though I can see laughter in his eyes.

“But...”

“Go!” They sigh exasperatedly, turn around, and leave.

I stare at the door in front of me. I can se the football court from here… And the tree. No one’s there, maybe I can go sit around, wait for a while. I push past the heavy door and the cold breeze hits my face, numbing it almost instantly.

Jesus!

No one’s around, and no wonder… I’m gonna freeze out here. I could go back in but… I mean, he comes here alone; inside he’ll probably be with someone and ignore me. But it’s really freezing out, maybe he won’t come…

Or maybe he will.

I walk hugging myself and sit with my back pressed against the tree’s trunk. How can he stand being here in this cold?! And with only a shirt on? I’m wearing two shirts, two sweaters, a jacket, gloves, a scarf, and the thickest pair of socks I own… and I don’t think I’m going to be alive when he gets here.

If he gets here.

Well, at least I’m not being like Cameron… otherwise I’ll be hunting him down right now. I have the feeling that wouldn’t end out very well… especially if Ben’s around.

Oh god, it’s cold here.

I put my hands under my armpits and burry my face in the scarf. My knees are pressing against my chest.

How long has it been? Fifteen minutes? More? I look over to the school. People are going back from the cafeteria, lunch is over.

He didn’t come.

Maybe he saw me from the windows and… Oh, stop it! This is ridiculous! So what if he didn’t come? It’s not like he would have agreed to… whatever I was going to ask him.

I’ll just go back and stand next to a heater for the rest of the day.

“Leo!”

Maybe then I’ll feel my limbs again…

“Leo…”

I turn and…

“S-S-Sean?” Damn, it’s cold.

“Ryan told me you were here. Do you know how cold it is?”

I stare. I can’t believe he came… and he’s wearing a sweater. It really must be cold.

“H-Hi…”

“Let’s go inside. You can ask for something warm to drink.” He goes to grab my arm but I take his hand and stop him from turning.

“Wait!” He looks at me. “I… I have a-ask you something…”

“Leo, you’re freezing. Can’t you ask me inside?”

I look at the school again. I don’t see anyone through the windows, classes have started.

“Okay.” He smiles (I melt) and we go inside. The halls are deserted, our steps echo around, and I’ve lost all my confidence again. We reach a vending machine near the cafeteria.

“Do you want a hot chocolate?” I nod and he inserts the coins in the machine. Five minutes later we’re walking aimlessly around the school. I turn every ten seconds, afraid to get caught.

“So…” He starts, sipping at his own cup of hot chocolate. “You wanted to ask me something.”

Oh, god. Well, I guess this is it.

“Did I?” Damn it.

He looks at me, confused and I look back again. I think I heard steps.

“Yes, you did.”

“Uh… er, yes. I did, heh...” I try to smile but I don’t think I do a very good job. “How are you?”

“I’m fine.” He tosses his cup in a trash can. “You’re not.”

“I am!”

“Okay, then what is it? Why were you sitting there?”

“Because I wanted to ask you something…”

“Okay then, ask away.”

I frown at him. Come on, there’re only two possible scenarios, right? One is horrible… but the other one is too nice to let the opportunity slip.

“Re- Remember when I asked you to sleep with me?” He gives me a look, but I can see his cheeks a little pinker than before. Okay, keep going. “I… I thought it was going to be a one time thing. I didn’t really like you back then, but then, remember when I told you that I had a little, insignificant stupid crush on you?”

He nods.

“Well, I thought it wasn’t going to screw anything over. I-It was stupid but… uhm… I think what happened yesterday actually made it a bit worse... maybe?”

“What… are you saying, Leo?”

Does he have to sound so damn scared?!

“Did… did you have a good time yesterday?” I ask.

“Yes…” He’s blushing harder now. I look down at my hands. My gloves are blue. There’s a little string coming out of one of the fingers. I pull at it.

“Leo?”

“I… Would you like…” I gulp. “Would you like to do it again? Sometime? Maybe?”

I don’t look up. I keep pulling at the string in my glove. He doesn’t say anything either. I wonder how his face looks now. Is he grossed out? Is he scared? Is he finally going to punch me?

I hear voices. Someone’s coming. I turn around and start walking the other way, trying not to start crying. I didn’t get an answer. I won’t get another chance now… I blew it.

But before I can make two steps someone is pulling at my scarf and I scramble back. I look up and the smile Sean gives me is truthfully all the answer I need.