Useless Time

I never understood

The purpose of time.

Of all the marvels,

It seems to be

The most devastating.

At least,

It is for me.

With time,

Everything changes.

There is nothing that can’t be touched by its hands,

Manipulated and distorted

Into crueler versions

Of things we once knew.

I’ve seen centuries pass

Like seconds

My heart, frozen in cold winters,

Pinned to a table by a thousand needles

Made sterile in a doctor’s office

Stabbed and stuck to a table by knifes

Held tight by the hands of strangers

And pulled in different directions

Until my heart was torn to pieces

And pain was all I knew.

My blood

Spilled grey into the black night

And sinking into the dirt

Which all come to rest in sooner or later

I’ll lie in my coffin,

Buried alive,

And stare up at the black that surrounds me.

Black air like black hatred

Nothing like the black of night

Turn in my grave

Lie facing up

To stare at that hot blackness

And imagine the stars in the black night’s sky,

The stars,

That in my black coffin,

I cannot see but only imagine being there.

Stars that shine bright in the dark skies

Like false hopes among a sea of lies.

I always saw the stars as slightly green,

But never white or yellow.

Maybe I was slightly colorblind;

But in my world of grey and green,

It didn’t really matter.

Green was my favorite color anyway,

Shades of envy painted my life

As my world sunk into grey.

I’ve seen this world from start to finish

And there’s nothing here for me,

Everyone around me dies.

I taste their pain but cannot feel it,

Hear their screams but force myself not to understand.

As if they’ve spoken to me in a language

That no matter how much it has been studied,

Cannot be understood.