Stay in the Dark; all alone in the dark...

What changed between us? Whatever it was, it still haunts me and no matter how much I try and ignore it, you always keep coming back to me. You’re always in my head and in my dreams and you’re stealing my sanity, but for you, I’ll let it happen. I can’t escape you, but I don’t think I want to. You are my drug now, just as I was yours then, on that night.

I’ll never forget it, that October night, not so long ago, when you loved me. Even though it was only for a short while, you made me complete, and broke me once again. It was so happy, so pleasurable and lustful that I’ll never forget it. Each time you touched me that night, when you first linked arms with me, and you first held my hand. I wondered what it was, but I picked up on your signs, I knew what you were trying to tell me, and I answered you with a kiss, and my heart.

As we were finally told to go to sleep, you asked me one question, I answered yes, we should wait till morning, but we didn’t. You touched my skin and stole my heart. You kissed me on the lips, and you kissed me, and kissed me, and kissed me. Always such an intoxication; you got me high on you.

I’ll never forget how you nearly gave me a love bite that I wouldn’t hide from anyone, and I’ll never forget how we would’ve gotten there, if we hadn’t stopped. Why, why oh why did we stop. I wish we could’ve continued, because I love you and you know I would’ve gone all the way for you. You know I would have, but we didn’t. I moaned and I moaned for you, first with pleasure, when you filled my spirits up and got me high, then with sorrow and anger, when you stole my heart and killed me.

I’ve still not gotten over it all; still not healed completely. I don’t want to, because all I want it you, but I can never have you. Somehow though, I’m not sure I want you anymore. It’s only been a short while since you broke my heart, only been a short while since you showed me what your love was like. I drank from the devils cup, and I want more. I want more of you, each and every time I see your face, but you’ve changed, and I don’t know you anymore.

I think we’ve both changed though. You’ve become…older in ways, and you’ve moved further than me. You’re popular and you’re bitter, so cold that you draw people in, only to push them away again once you have no use for them. Just like you did with me. But I didn’t know you with a bitter cold heart. You were loving and kind and gentle, yet so attractive that the lust coursing through us both; needed to be released that night, and so it was. The beauty that I knew within you once has long been gone now. Perhaps I stole that from you, just as you stole my heart…

But you aren’t the only one who has changed, for I cannot deny it. I have become…isolated. I isolate myself from others and they isolate themselves, just so they can help me. But I sometimes think I don’t need help, do I though? Perhaps I’m just being self-conscious. Though when was it ever my place to say? Like you, I draw people in with my bitter mannerisms, and push them away when I really need them, but think I have no use for them. The difference between us is, though we are both isolated in our own ways and for our own reasons, we deal with it in different ways. We have different people there for us, some who care and some who don’t. Some who know what it going on, and some who are more in the dark than they would like to believe.

The people you have know what you want them to know. They help with what you want them to, and not what you need them to. I have people who I keep in the dark, to keep myself in the dark. To lie about what I know is the irrefutable truth, and yet I still wish to hide from it.

If I had any choice in the matter, I would stay in the dark and never see light again. I would always stay here, and I wouldn’t make any effort. I would keep myself hidden, so I am no longer the problem of others.

I would stay in the dark; all alone in the dark…