When I arrive at the studio, Arturo and Kenichi are already there… and so is Miroki. Despite all that has happened, all the time passed, and all of my therapy, my breath catches in my throat when I see him. It is like having my heart broken all over again, because while I have spent weeks putting myself back together, and even now am only held by a thin veneer of hair dye and pride, Miroki looks… good. His hair has grown back in a natural black, and it catches the studio lights in gentle waves. His skin glows with health, and the expression on his face is one of gentle contentment.

“Takashi.” He greets me warmly, clasping my hand as if we were merely old friends, instead of old lovers. “It’s good to see you again. You look well.” I feel oddly detached from the situation, watching my body as it stiffly replies,

“Thank you.” We stand there awkwardly for a moment. He doesn’t seem to realize that he hasn’t let go of my hand, and I am so pathetically desperate for his touch, whatever I have told my therapist, that I am unwilling to point it out to him. When Irochi comes into the room Miroki drops my hand as if it has burned him.

“Hey guys!” Irochi chirps, oblivious as usual to whatever emotional trauma we may be going through. “I’m so happy to have you all back in the studio again!” I bet he is- there’s no commissions to be made with the band not working. “I was thinking that we would start with an oldie but goodie, just to make sure that we’re all warmed up. How about we do “Shining Star” just to-”

“No.” I interrupt quietly. Irochi blinks at me.

“No what?”

“No, I won’t sing that song. I won’t… I won’t play any of the Anonymous Fan songs. Ever.” My voice is getting hoarse as I speak, as I try to hold back tears. I had been practicing saying this, knowing what they would want of me, knowing what it would be impossible for me to do. But all of my practiced words are escaping me, and I only have my desperation. I barely glance at Miroki- he is looking at me with curiosity and sympathy. He sense I’m having trouble, but he obviously does not completely understand why, which hurts more than anything else. Arturo is just curious, Irochi is curious and pissed off… and Kenichi is looking at me with quiet understanding.

“Takashi, ‘won’t’ isn’t an option. The Anonymous Fan songs… your songs… they’re what our fans know best! It’s what made you all famous! If you refuse to play those songs, you might as well refuse to be in the band at all!” I shake my head. That’s not an option. No matter how much it hurts, there is no place I’d rather be than here. This is my family, the only one I’ve ever truly known.

“Irochi, I won’t… I can’t play any of those songs here. I understand that we may have to because those are what we got famous on, those are what our fans know and love… but you can’t ask me to play when it’s just us.” When there’s only the four of us in a room, and Miroki is nearly close enough for me to catch his scent, spicy yet mellow, wafting on the air conditioning currents moving through the room.

“I cannot play the heartbeat of a song like that when my own heart has been broken.”

“Well… I mean we do have them pretty well memorized.” Arturo pipes up, trying to be helpful. I send a small, grateful smile his way. Kenichi nods. “If you could at least play them in dress rehearsals, I don’t see why we couldn’t comply with your wishes. Of course, it means we need all new material…” I nod. I have already been thinking of this, and I have even been writing some things while in the hospital. Of course they are somewhat strange and tortured, but that seems to be popular now. I am about to tell them all of this when Miroki speaks.

“Takashi… come on now, I think you may be overreacting. I mean, you were able to play them before we knew it was you… when I didn’t… love you yet. Why can’t you play them now that I don’t love you again?” Irochi nods, as if that’s a good point, while Kenichi merely raises an eyebrow in contempt. Arturo calls him a dumbass. I can’t speak, I am so shocked at his careless words. “I mean,” he continues on blithely, “It may be a good idea to stop laying them anyway. It wouldn’t be very good for Rain to have to listen to songs that she knew were written for me by another man.” Suddenly I know exactly what to do.

“Miroki….” He turns to me, already expecting my agreement. “Fuck you.” I punch him, straight in that perfect mouth, his beautifully curved lips splitting beneath the force of my fingers. I hear a knuckle crack against his teeth. Irochi exclaims in surprise. Faintly I hear Arturo cheering as I turn to leave the studio, and even Kenichi chuckles. Practice is over for today.

Author’s Note: So finally, we have a real confrontation with Miroki. Who actually thought Takashi would have the balls to punch him in the face? Be honest now. So if you read the last chapter of CEA, (and if you have, please review! That chapter contains the scene that was actually the impetus to write the entire story, and I cried big revamped fairytale crocodile tears when no one reviewed)… ahem, attention whoring out of the way, as I was saying, if you read the last chapter of CEA, you would have read the author’s note that I left regarding the massive confusion bordering on panic that my inclusion of Drazuki’s Benvolio from My Toaster Thinks I’m Crazy caused. Hopefully it allayed some fears. If you haven’t seen it, I’ll repost what I wrote, and what Draz wrote, regarding his cameo:

The last chapter was not, I repeat, NOT, a continuation of Drazuki’s My Toaster Thinks I’m Crazy. The character of Yasu is Draz’s Benvolio, however, he should be considered an Alternate Universe version of Benvolio. Nothing that happens in this story is in the canon and continuity of Draz’s story. This version of Ben is the result of an RP that Draz and I had, in which Ben was in a mental institution. I just yoinked him and put him in Japan for my own amusement, with Draz’s permission. Hope that cleared things up!

Drazuki’s Note: Nope, but that RP did influence a lot of the plot. Soooooo stay tuned and check Ben’s twitter! o3o

See, nothing to fear. If Draz gives me permission, and if the Band boy muses whisper in my ear, Yasu may return, if only because I think I have inadvertently made Miroki so despicable that he’s no irredeemable in the eyes of God and yaoi fans…. But that’s an issue for the next chapter. Stay tuned!