|The Woes of a Hero
Author: The Storyteller's Seer PM
For exsorcerer, legendary knight, occasional advicegiver to the king, Dorian, life as a hero was not all it was cracked up to be a frustratingly humorous one shotRated: Fiction K - English - Humor/Angst - Words: 615 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 06-25-06 - Status: Complete - id: 2199790
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Dedicated to: Milam, Nick, Luke, Travis, and Nathan
The Woes of a Hero
There was no threat to the world. This world or any other for that matter. No giant monsters, no evil kings or wizard or any of those powerful people who had the tendency to become evil. All was quiet on the home-front and ex-sorcerer, legendary knight, occasional advice-giver to the king, Dorian, was quite glad.
It was insane how things always seemed to go amiss. Every day, at every hour, during ever possible moment that they shouldn't go wrong. It was hero's law…whenever is the most inopportune time for disaster to strike, it always does. Strike, that is. Never fails. Dorian decided to take the princess out to dinner one night…that was interrupted by the herd of howling, rabid snoffle-musters that decided to pick that night to go ravage the kingdom.
Other examples included, the necromancer's escape on Mother's Day, the giants' feeding hour on his sister birthday, and the undead army of some psychotic wizard on Christmas morning.
If Dorian was about to do something he might remotely enjoy…well, forget that. Time to go save the world…again.
But today was different. Today he had woken up before the rooster crowed and felt remarkably rested. He settled down to breakfast and placed his bread in a new contraption he had purchased from one of those kingdoms to the south—the inventing kingdoms—that was supposed to toast his bread without needing to make a fire. Dorian pushed the button down and began to wait.
As he waited, he contemplated what to do with his day. He was no longer a recognized sorcerer as he had forgotten to go to the official sorcerer's gathering and now he was banned from magic until he apologized for standing up the other sorcerers.
Dorian glanced down at this bread. It was still toasting. It was taking rather long as well. He shrugged and went back to musing. Unless the world was somehow threatened, he could have a nice day. Although just thinking that thought would mean that something was likely to happen later in the day.
Unfortunately…hero's law clearly states, "There is no such thing as a normal day."
Dorian's bread contraption began to smoke. He broke from his musings when he smelled the stench of burning food. Frantically, Dorian searched the kitchen for sign of fire and his eyes rested upon the bread contraption. Aforementioned eyes widened and he frantically reached down into the appliance to retrieve his toast…and neatly singed his fingers. He drew the protesting digits away, hissing in pain, and trying to blow on them…all at the same time. His bread was trapped, the contraption was smoking, a fire was likely to start, and Dorian was quite hungry. He cursed the hero's law and considered going at the offending object with his sword. That was a bit drastic however. At least at the moment. Now if the situation progressed to the not-so-good side, then he would consider the use of his sword more seriously. He bit his lip and thought about using magic…however being exiled or worse—having his hair messed up were too severe of consequences to save a piece of toast. Stick? No, that would burn. Hand was already assessed as a bad idea.
As Dorian was weighing his options, the toaster burst into flames. The flames spread and engulfed the entire house in a matter of minutes. Dorian and his sword were quickly outside, and he watched the fire dismally as he cursed another heroically-disastrous morning.