DEEP AND BURIED

We have only kissed on a few occasions
she and I
my most recent heartache
and her near unending lonliness
have brought these occasions up to date
and I have noticed
when she kisses it's almost animalistic
sweet kisses and then she attacks
and endlessly repeats
As friends she is loving and tender
and this new knowledge shocked me
It's as if the carnal part of her being
is so deep and buried
that she's unaware that it exists
I felt how much my gone-love loved me
in her kiss
Now, the kisses and gentle bites
like two playful cats
coaxing each other in an erotic cycle
is alien to me
I don't love her
I don't even know if I want her
she is too dear to me
and I can't image anything
more than this
It's true that my heart is full
of rain and heaven for the former
the personification of all my affection
But in this time of pain
of slow dissipation
I crave those bites along my neck
the tiny pains remind me that
I am the sum total of small moments
the child of opportunities and choices
and the man who can't let go