It pains me to type the word Gerontophilia into the Google search engine and immediately see many articles about sex crimes and perverts. I, as a self-proclaimed gerontophile, am frustrated that the only portrayals of this are negative and hateful. I am writing this article as an alternative to the accepted view of gerontophiles as perverted people.

Growing up, I always knew something was different about me. I was never interested in the boys that I went to school with. They physically disgusted me. I recognized this, but could not explain it. I have a very distinct memory from fifth grade when all the pre-teenage girls were fawning over the latest boy band and declaring who was their favorite of the group. I remember looking at the pictures of the guys and feeling out of place. None of them were particularly attractive, but because I did not want to be ostracized, I always picked one of them. When I was in seventh grade, I thought briefly that maybe I was a lesbian. But, as quickly as this thought entered my mind, it left and I was again without answers.

Then, as I matured and broadened out my horizons, I realized there were other options. My first encounter with feelings toward an older male was when I was thirteen. I was attending college classes at a local community college and I quickly befriended a 55-year-old man. During class, I would sit next to him and he was obviously smitten by me. I have remained his friend since then, but nothing more than that. But, when I first started realizing my feelings toward him, they confused me and I wrote them off as a one-time occurrence. I was even disgusted by my feelings because I knew that it was not socially acceptable.

The next few years were about the same. As all teenagers, I watched TV and would become enamored of certain actors, all of whom were older than 40 years old. It was then that my pattern began to emerge. I did not know what to make of it and tried to hide it from the people around me. I even tried to repress it in my own mind and would try to force myself to like the people my own age, but to no avail.

I was 15 years old and I was beginning to write my book. I credit my embracing of who I am to writing this book. In this book, the two main characters were Mellie, a 26-year-old female, and Wesley, a 56-year-old male. They worked together to fight the Communists. In my book, they eventually fell in love, but not with out struggle because of their ages. I guess I can say that I worked out my feelings about my sexual orientation in the writing of this book. I should add that while I wrote this book, I was in Italy and I was struggling with my feeling toward a 43-year-old man who I considered to be the cliché of a dark, handsome Italian. While I was in Italy, I came to accept my gerontophilia and even almost came to embrace it. These two events, the writing of my book and my experience in Italy, changed my life. I no longer fought my feelings and I had a better understanding of it. It truly was a turning point in my life.

I returned from Italy and started doing something that also changed the rest of my life. I began working for the Democratic Headquarters in my town. I was there everyday after school. I truly enjoyed it and I got a lot of attention being the youngest volunteer by about 40 years. The first day I was there, I met a man named Mark at the time was 57 years old who was the county chairman. At first, I thought nothing particular of him and just regarded him as just another person to work with. A few months passed and I found myself completely obsessed with him. That obsession lasted a year and a half. During the course of the time that I worked with Mark, I saw him stab many people in the back. It’s politics, you could say. I never imagined that he would do the same to me. But, the day came when I found out he had been badmouthing me all over the state and was stabbing me the back. I had to eventually take off my blinders of who the guy really was and force myself to stop caring for him. I will say that this has been and will continue to deeply bother me. I had entrusted the man as I worked with him with myself and I found out that everything he told me was lies. But, that is beside the point.

In my everyday life, my closest friends and family members know about my gerontophilia. I receive mixed reactions. I have two gay friends who are completely comfortable with it. They even said that before I told them about it, they had noticed a connection between older men and me. But, my grandmother does not like it and tells me to leave the old men alone. But, for the most part, my friends and family accept it, even if they do not understand it. At the university, I am usually very reserved about it. I chose to not let the other students know because I have grown tired of receiving the same close-minded reaction. They think I am some kind of freak.

I remember when I was attending one semester at Indiana University; I lived in the dorms and kept very much to myself. The students thought I was a lesbian. I was actually amused with it. But, one student found out about my “old man fetish” as I jokingly call it and tried to “convert” me to liking younger guys. We can see how successful she was. Later in the semester, I partially moved in with a 52 year old man.

When I look at my choice to embrace gerontophilia as my sexual preference, I do not regret it whatsoever. I am very satisfied that I did so and would not change it for the world. I will point out that it has caused some dysfunction in my life, as does a homosexual lifestyle does for a gay man in a straight society. I find it very hard to make friends my own age and I can say I only have 2 or 3 friends close to my age, while the rest of my friends are over 40. But, I actually have come to prefer it and have learned to not let it disrupt my life. All and all, I am very happy with my choice. I do not believe that I would have been happy had I chose to repress my natural desires.

And, these days, I am not afraid to hide that I like “old people.” I hear many jokes about feeding tubes and diapers, but I take them in jest. I am currently attending a university in the last year of my Bachelor’s degree in political science and planning to go to law school next year. I believe I should point out that I will have my Bachelor’s degree when I am 18 years old. I hope that illuminates light on my choice.

I wrote this to shatter the stereotypical belief that gerontophiles are dirty perverts that hide in the bushes and jump out and rape old people. My life is proof that the narrow belief of romance that most Americans have is not accurate and real love can happen anytime between any individuals.

Disclaimer—I am not promoting pedophilia. I believe there should be a common sense rule about sexual relations between individuals.