Repo Man

Jim Widget woke to the sound of his alarm clock go off. He looked over and to his dismay it read 2100hrs, time for him to get up for work. Poor Jim had to clock on at James Stailmaker Medical Center at 2220 for his shift. Jim hated his job, he hated the hours, he hated the “patients”, and he even hated his pay. But in actual fact Jim loathed his job to a degree he believed even god himself could not comprehend.

Jim, as it happened worked in the repossession department at the hospital. That is to say when patients did not make the payments in a timely or suitable fashion, Jim went and repossessed their new organs, or reversed what ever medical procedure had occurred. It was not a pleasant job, often time’s people would yell, call him names, and offer obscene gestures as he plodded on to his next stop of the night. And on top of all that he was rather squeamish around blood, and not to mentions he was terribly clumsy.

As Jim walked in to the office that night he hoped that his night would be no more than sitting behind his desk dreaming of Olga Sockdrawer who worked in the psycho ward of the same hospital. He thought of her lovely twitching blue eyes, her frazzled red hair, and her wonderfully voluptuous body. He became gleeful as he thought of his coming date with her.

But alas it was not to be, he scanned over the repo roster for that evening. It included a kidney repossession, a heart stint removal, and a breast reduction reversal ( he might actually enjoy that one) an unusually short list for this night but that did not bother him at all he could have every thing wrapped up at about 0430 and be home at about 0500. “Not a bad night” he thought to him self as he gathered up his tools and headed to his car.

His first operation of the evening would be the kidney job. He would be taking the organ back from one Mr. Alexander Summit. He quietly and stealthily snuck up the walk hoping to avoid the family dog if there was one. As he crept up the walk watching for any prowling dogs, he failed to notice the rake perfectly concealed with in a bush, which he stepped on. The resulting movement of the handle of rake to his face caused a great deal of pain and discomfort. At last he made it to the front door of the house and pressed the door bell and waited calmly for Mr. Summit to answer the door. He hated this part too, didn’t these people realize that he had a job to do. He couldn’t understand why people took so long in getting to the door; after all it was only midnight.

At last the porch light flickered on and the door opened. There stood Mr. Summit clad in a T-shirt and Polka dot boxers. Still rubbing the sleep from his eyes Widget went right to work.

“Mr. Summit I am here to repossess one kidney transplanted into your body on 29 February 2019” Said Jim in what he felt was a very calm and polite manner.

“Hughh, what do you mean” asked Summit

“In short Mr. Summit I am here to take you new kidney, because the hospital has not received a single payment yet.”

“You do realize that my surgery was less that a month ago”

“Yes, but according to the contract you signed on 29 February 2019 the hospital has the right to repo you organ when payments are late. Its right here in Article 2 paragraph 3 section 1.”

“My insurance has not even kicked in yet!”

“Mr. Summit would you please take seat so I can get on with my job”

“No I can’t. I happen to like my new kidney we’ve bonded”

“Mr. Summit please sit down” Jim pled pleadingly.

“NO!”

“You know what? I hate this job; I spent 7 years in medical school to become a surgeon not to become a dirty rotten, no good, egg sucking, filthy bottom feeding repo man. I quit”

“Well when you put it that way I suppose I could be a bit more cooperative.”

“Thank you Mr. Summit.” Said Jim

Jim then reached in to his bag and pulled forth his organ removal device. It looked and functioned much like one of the old time canister vacuum cleaners for the 1950’s. But with one major improvement this was much quieter than the vacuum. Jim put the device to Summits back where the new kidney was just under the skin, he flipped the switch and watched as the organ came zipping through the hose and in to the organ retaining compartment of the machine.

The rest of Jim’s night went much the same way. The heart guy turned out to be a lonely old man with out a family and did not actually having his old heart problem return and besides he was an old guy any way. Jim however did not enjoy the breast reduction lady. She was a real mean sort and hit him several time with a cast iron skillet while he did the job. But at last he finished his work for the night at about 0415, just in time to go home be for the sun came up.

Jim thought to him self as he crawled in to his bed that morning “What has the world come to when I go to peoples houses in the middle of the night and take away what has most likely just saved there lives. I quit”

The End