Just Like Fireflies

Every night before she went to bed and turned off her lights, Selena would light candles. They were scattered around her room, their sweet scents mixing and twisting together to form a sort or ethereal scent that comforted her. At night, when her lights were turned off, the fire flickered, almost as if dancing. Just like fireflies.

Brownie. Lemongrass. Keylime Pie. Lilac.

Selena always liked fireflies. As a child, she would lope around the fields of green, giggling in childish laughter as she romped around, cupping her hands as she tried to catch the small insects of the night. The glowing yellow lights would blink on and off, as if almost winking to her. Her older sister, Melanie, had told her at that time, they were stars that fell from the sky. And if you caught them, they would grant you a wish.

She had happily and blindly believed her.

Sometimes she still did roam the pastures at night, looking for fireflies. On other times, Selena wished upon a star. But most of the time, she used her candles now.

Spice. Sweet Pea. Aloe. Chamomile.

Her father complained loudly that the obnoxious smell gave him a headache. Her mother fretted that a candle would tip over and her room would catch fire when she slept. Her little brother simply rolled his eyes and called her ‘Silly Selena’ like everyone else did.

Selena didn’t mind.

Mango. Coffee. Pear. Pina Colada.

Really, she didn’t. Selena was quite used to it. Her father simply groaned whenever she drifted into the kitchen, smiling her lopsided smile, as if she knew a secret that they all didn’t know. Her mother scolded her whenever she clumsily dropped a mug or a favorite vase. Her brother hid whenever she passed by at school, her huge daisy earrings clinking loudly which each movement and her too-big bright pink boots nearly sliding off her bony legs.

“Selena!” her mother would cry, looking she would tear her hair out in frustration, “Can you try to be normal?” Selena simply responded by smiling a dreamy smile, her head up in the clouds as always.

“I am normal mother,” she would simply sigh happily before twirling off, humming a song that seemed a little choppy like her inconsistent movements. Selena just danced to her own beat, marched to her own her drum. She didn’t care if people thought she odd or strange. She accepted it with a childish laugh and moved own, dancing like the flight of an erratic butterfly.

Pumpkin pie. Sandal Wood. Cherry Blossoms. Raspberry.

Schhhk. She lit a match, daintily lighting each candle, remembering exactly each’s scent and purpose. She passed by one that was a light purple shade and was reduced to a stump through ages of use. The second was oddly shaped, as if trying to decide whether to bend right or bend left. Selena giggled lightly as she passed that one, the scent of lavender and vanilla already sweetly mixing together.

Every night, Selena would light a candle. She wasn’t exactly quite sure how the habit started. All she remembered was that on her ninth birthday, celebrated outside under the full moon’s glow. Her father cheerfully said she was born under the moon and so forth, her birthday should be celebrated at night. Melanie had given her a lavender scented candle, which she had made herself. Selena could clearly picture the pleased flush on her older sister’s cheeks and Selena yelped in delight, clutching the small purple candlestick happily.

Melanie died a few hours later.

Juniper. Freshly Mown Grass. Rain. Wintergreen.

It was a terrible way to end a birthday. Selena ran to bed, crying loudly. She was too scared to got to sleep. Every night following, Selena would wake up in the middle of the night, screaming and crying as she saw over and over again; Melanie’s body being carelessly tossed aside by the silver Mercedes, her pale green eyes shocked and lifeless as her body slammed into the ground.

That’s when she lit the candle. Selena had lit the candle in memory of her sister. Melanie had always protected Selena when she was bullied at school for whatever reason such as wearing a strange polka-dotted mismatched socks or a horrendously brightly colored shirt that bagged down to her knees. Selena believed if she lit the candle, Melanie would protect her from her fear.

That night, Selena slept soundly.

Apricot. Angel Food Cake. Hay. Bubblegum.

Ever since then, despite all skeptical looks and mocking laughter from classmates, she would buy a candle whenever she faced a fear and lit it and night, murmuring quietly for her fear to be taken away. For Selena, it worked. It protected her from many horrors, doubts, worries, and most of all, the darkness that came with night. She admitted it; she was scared of the dark. But as along as she had the small candles of hope lit at night, she was no longer afraid.

Her second candle, rather deformed from use, was bought for her fear of dogs. A few months after Melanie’s death, she was over at her neighbor’s house when Mimi’s dog bit her. Selena cried for hours as her neighbor panicked, berating the dog loudly and angrily. Later that day, Selena bought the vanilla scented candle from the nearby store.

Butterscotch. Rosewood. Almond. Black Cherry.

Soon, the third candle came, from her grandmother as a Christmas present. Selena used it to settle her fear of drowning when she nearly did at her aunt’s pool. She whispered prayers in the dark for comfort and escape and during sleep, the relief came and she slept blissfully as a new scent joined the night: rose.

When her parents fought, the apple scented candle appeared, joining the quickly growing collections. Her room was started to smell like an exotic store of spices now. Selena muttered feverishly at night for the shouts to cease, the angry cries to halt, and the fierce smoldering looks to go away. It seemed so wrong for her parents to scream at each other, looks of utter loathing in their eyes. To her immense relief, they soon stopped their bickering.

Hibiscus. Carnation. Heather. Ginger.

Her cinnamon scented one appeared in her room, sitting placidly on her desk next to frames of pictures, the faces gleaming by candlelight. It brought sweet memories along with a little heartache but with it, acceptance. Selena purchased it when she entered eighth grade and grew a huge crush on her classmate, Roger. She wished quietly for him to like her, her voice softly brushing the silent night. However, the events took a turn and before she knew it, he was going out with her best friend Kallie. Selena calmly accepted and at night, she softly whispered to make Roger and Kallie happy, despite her feelings. If Roger was happy, just leave it be, she figured and quietly acknowledged reality.

The strawberry-scented one was her favorite, purchased by her first boyfriend, the outgoing and optimistic Chase. Selena smiled her trademark lopsided grin when she lit that one, giggling childishly. Chase had quirked an eyebrow when he first met her odd collection of candles but accepted it, snorting in laughter all the way. Selena had hoped zealously for them to stay together but this one, like the other one didn’t come true. Two years later, he moved away to Connecticut.

Berry. Ocean Breeze. Gardenia. Melon.

Each one had their own story to tell.

Peppermint. Pine. Honey. Spring.

Each easing one of her fears.

Blueberry Muffins. Cappuccino. Cotton Candy. Caramel apples.

Selena knew that one day she would wake up and no longer need or use them. One day, it would appear silly and trivial. One day, all her fears would be gone and she could step forth, unafraid of the darkness.

Linen. Ice Cream. Baby powder. Daffodils.

But it didn’t stop her from using them. Not at the present, at least.

Orange. Peach. Graham Cracker. Huckleberry.

Selena smiled serenely as she gazed down as the flickering lights dancing around in the room as she flipped the switch. She sighed contentedly underneath her covers, knowing they banish the darkness that came with night. But she no longer needed to be afraid. They would follow her. They would protect her. They would guide her and light her path.

Just like fireflies.