|Bussiness As Usual
Author: Azzandra PM
A woman named Mildred, a wicked soul and a hungry demon. All in all a slow afternoon for Afterlife Administration. (complete)Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor - Words: 602 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 07-05-06 - id: 2205831
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
All was well in the Afterlife Administration offices, and for the first time in millenia, employees even had time to be bored.
One such employee was Mildred, from the Office of Justly Deserved Deaths.
Mildred was a simple woman. She liked knitting and flipping through women's magazines. She liked her coffee black and her desk in order. She hated her job with a passion and forever regretted pushing that old lady down the stairs when she was still alive, since that was basically the reason she had been punished so.
Her office was one of the busiest. Only the most blatantly stupid or downright evil people were reffered to the Office of Justly Deserved Deaths.
One such case was a man named Carl. Carl ended up there because he did unspeakable things with his neighbors' cats, as well as for tax evasion. He died while chasing one of the aforementioned cats out on the street and right in front of a truck. Mildred still wasn't sure if Carl was there for being evil or stupid.
Right now, he was sitting in front of her desk, scowling unhappily while she looked through his file.
"Is this going to take any longer?" he asked for the umpteenth time that hour.
"Yes. In fact, it's going to take an eternity. Let's go."
Mildred had already decided what to do to Carl, but she didn't feel particulary guilty for making him wait in an uncomfortable chair.
"Where are we going?" he asked, gazing around suspiciously.
"I'm handing you over. Hey, Caesar, have you seen Mrr'dagh?" she asked one of her colleagues. Caesar, from the Office of Reincarnations, pointed to a door and replied,
"Off to lunch."
"Aw, well, get him here!" Mildred insisted. "He's always off to lunch, it's about time he started doing his job! Tell him I've got another one for him."
Caesar muttered unhappily, but went and fetched Mrr'dagh from the cafeteria.
The demon made his appearance as thunderously as possible, with skin dark as coal, beady black eyes deep as the darkest pits of hell, claws to tear a man's heart out in one clean swipe, and a napkin around his neck.
The gigantic, obese Mrr'dagh was, in fact, just chewing on a goat's leg as he was waddling along with Caesar just behind him.
"Aw, Mrr'dagh, you have a job to do!" Mildred goaded. "Get to it!"
"But I was hungry! Oh, very well."
Mrr'dagh cleared his throat.
"BOW BEFORE YOUR DESTINY, PUNY MORSEL--"
"Mortal!" Caesar corrected, though obscured by the gargantuan demon.
"--MORTAL! TODAY YOU SHALL SUFFER! I SHALL INGURGITATE YOU--"
"Incinerate!" Caesar yelled, again.
"INCINERATE YOU! TO A TOASTY CRISP-- Oh pus. Milly, can't I just eat him?" Mrr'dagh asked, looking at Mildred pleadingly.
"Fine!" Mildred sighed and gave Carl a shove. He tripped and fell right in Mrr'dagh coincidentally open mouth.
"I'm going back to lunch now," he said, still chewing.
"Yeah. Sure. I'll call you if I need anything."
Mildred returned to her office, where three people were already waiting for her, bickering over something undoubtably stupid.
It looked like it was going to be bussiness as usual for Afterlife Administration.
Another installment in the Afterlife Administration stories ("Genesis", "Afterlife Administration" and"The System Works!")but one that can thankfully be read separately and still make sense. I'm happy.