Don't take this too seriously. I know I didn't :)

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Upon arrival at the zoo, we spied a strange looking specimen commonly known as an employee. We were lucky enough to observe this creature in its natural habitat, and it soon ushered us into the facility. Following this our forces fragmented by instructor, and further so by class period. Our division began by examining the Arctic wolves. Another employee appeared, and began a lengthy explanation as to the provisions made for the beast's comfort. The official name for these efforts being "behavioral enrichment," they include the use of toys, fellow animals, and, oddly enough, perfume in order to cause the captive to forget its imprisonment, or at least enjoy it. The need for such practices arises from the social tendencies all creatures possess, for instance communication and mating. We took brief pause to ogle the leopards, entombed nearby. Our next move took us to a looming bastion of humanity, within which we launched a failed attempt to fit a classroom. It was decided one period would await its turn in the cavernous entrance of the structure, and our intrepid explorer took the opportunity to sleep (he also failed miserably). As our time neared to enter the previously mentioned chamber, several wild chickens made entrance amidst a torrent of screams by horrified onlookers. With nothing but our best interests in mind, our leaders bravely dragged us into the safety of the place of instruction. It was here that we discovered many fascinating aspects in an animal's defense of self, that is, many behaviors that ensured its survival. Some rather curious examples of this include disposable tails, camouflage, size, and a rather nasty set of quills attached to some distance non-relative of the porcupine. Among the other useful facts garnered was the apparent meaning of life for beings inferior to us: procreation. To this end, their time is almost exclusively occupied with the acquisition of a mate, usually through ritual violence on the part of the males. Conflict escalated beyond this point is avoided, however, as it adversely affects the well being of the species. Moving on, we journeyed to another establishment, this one engaged in the housing of birds and monkeys both. Yet another employee (they're getting to be a bit ubiquitous, don't you think?) proffered some clue as to the meaning of the acronym SSP, and the equally mysterious ICIS. As it turns out, SSP is a species survival plan, its function being the same as its name. It is a course of action taken for the supposed benefit of species endangered by human encroachment or, god forbid, natural selection. It makes use of an international computerized inventory system, a methodology for the compilation and monitoring of global species populations. Fascinating as this was, one could not help but be distracted by the various fantastic beasts hanging from the cages surrounding us. Our final destination, it became clear, was the point at which those great beasts so affectionately referred to as "oily-phants" in Lord of the Rings were held. Our coming was well timed, for not long after the employee began her explanation, one of the samples demonstrated the process of excretion with beautiful talent. Great sprays of the stuff flew in every direction, accompanied by the most fearsome of odors. Fortunately, none who witnessed this spectacle had recently partaken in the eating of food, and we were spared additional revulsion from that quarter. Most of the informational content of the experience was lost amidst the beastly noise comprising the interruption, but some was gleaned. It is most difficult to reproduce elephants once they reach a position of imprisonment, for their transport is vast in expense and difficulty. It is therefore simpler to provide insemination via frozen semen injection, which is doubtless the less pleasant but more efficient method. We soon departed after this, lingering to pay our respects to various Aquatic creatures as we wound our way, slowly but surely, to the buses.