There is No Way to Turn Back-

Sitting in a crowded room, feeling so alone.
Hopeing to just disappear, dreading going home.
I slip my hand off of my lap, and down into my bag.
(If anyone were to see me now, they were sure to nag.)
A rush of joy, a twinge of fear,
I knew the compass lingered near.
The plastic pouch, my fingers found,
and, trembling slightly, wrapped around.
Making sure to keep excitement hidden from my face,
I carefully withdrew it from its quiet hiding places.
Placing the encased compass down upon my lap,
My right foot, nervously, then began to tap.
A question floated through the air,
Aimed directly at my chair.
I answered it and returned to my task,
Keeping in place my protective mask.
Slippin the shiny metal tool from its plastic case,
Thin red lines, on my arm, did I begin to trace.
Gently first, then putting more pressure;
The worse the mark, the deeper the pleasure.
After a while the marks begin to overlap,
And you can't help but to feel trapped.
Repeating the motion over and over as if trained,
As if this one thing has been burned into your brain.
A strong sense of nausea flooded over me,
Tears of guilt, upon my book, did I being to see.
I shoved the addiction out of my sight,
and fought the urge with all my might.
Each mark burned and slightly stung.
My stomach dropped, for the bell had rung.
I was afraid to move from that spot,
For stable on my feet, I was not.
I feared myself and those around.
In my chest, my heart did pound.
Carefully I gathered my things
To go to the class where the teacher sings.
I turned my eyes down and away.
From the ground, they did not stray.
Weaving through the crowded halls,
Someone, loudly, my name, calls.
Panicing I want to flee,
Wishing, my arm, they could not see.
They pull me close and hold me tight.
I fight the tears I save 'til night.
"Please let me help," as they take my hand.
On a soft couch did I eventually land.
Not knowing what to do, but trembling in fear,
I knew that my cracking point drew very near.
"What is wrong?" asked the concerned eyes,
I couldn't think of any lies.
So the truth flew from my mouth,
Since then it has all turned south.
Now I'm even more scared then before.
Of what tomorrow brings, I'm unsure.
But one fact I do not lack;
There is no way to turn back.