Monster

It’s back

The darkness I can’t fight

The cycle that won’t end

It goes into hiding

Sometimes for years

Sometimes for months

These times are growing more frequent now

Soon there will be no separation

No surface to offer the air I so desperately desire

No sanity

I’m sinking faster this time

Weighted by angry moments past

Violence is seeping into my veins

Through the same old scars

It’s living that lets in the Death

I keep living – as much as I beg

As much as I keep dying

I live

Surrounded by shame, misery and hopelessness

The closest friend can’t see

They try…for a while

Then they give up and I move on again

Why should they understand anyway?

How can I ask any human to understand this?

This demon – whatever has grabber hold of me

Yet again – on this ride

I will hurt the ones I love

And still wonder, when I wake up, what I’ve done wrong

Why people run at first sight of

What lurks beneath –

The thick bottomless tar pit in my eyes

My Monster