Sorry, I Thought You Were A Terrorist

By Nara Merald

Summary: Note to self: Do not become interpreter… suck at translating… also offended Nick’s exchange student. Think Nick hates me now.

Disclaimers: Boys who like boys and get it on with said boys. Sauron is from Lord of the Rings, by the Tolkeinator. I may have spelled that wrong, (I did add the –ator myself), but I really don’t care. You get my point, dig?

What you need to know:
I experimented with scene cutting and point of view again! Later on in the chapter, it may become confusing. There are two separate scenes and conversations occurring concurrently (at the same time), which are written together- the parts are combined.
Patrick, Dan and Emma are normal font, and Adam, Warren and Stacey are in Italics.

The Murray River is a river that runs through Australia, through more than one state- due to a massive drought, it’s in a lot of trouble… well, it’s not the cleanest, healthiest river. So comparing brown eyes to the Murray River isn’t exactly the pinnacle of attractiveness.

Chapter 24: The Universe is a Whore

Patrick

“You know, I am always right,” Dan muses, playing with the golden ring on his left little finger. It is basically a piece of ugly, no kidding. A chunky golden claw that may well be the exact opposite of cool- that of course is why Dan loves it, he actually paid 20 for it, which astounds me still, because I wouldn’t pay 2 for it! Naturally, Nick was ecstatic when he saw it, I honestly think the beast-claw made his day, especially when it’s ugliness nearly bought Shannon to tears- after a rather excruciating shriek of pure horror.

“How are you always right? Look at that thing!” I cry in a rather high pitched wail of alarm.

“Well, I called you being Gay before you ever realised, didn’t I?” Dan says rather smugly, and begins stroking the ring because he knows from experience that it will agitate me. (Since he bought it two days ago, he has not stopped wearing it, and my attempts to steal it like a panther-cat-thief-in-the-night have failed, Shannon is scandalised, Heath and Adam treat it as a hysterical joke and Warren simply looks mildly concerned. I believe Nick is thinking of buying his own, and setting up some sort of strange cult to worship it.)

“I was right that Shannon would freak out about the ring, besides, do I really need more proof than you being gay?” Dan gives me his “I’m being superior” look, which greatly annoys me.

“You said always right, of course you need to supply more proof!” I object.

“Have you told Dad and Stacey about you and Heath yet?” Dan asks, effectively distracting me effectively as I freeze.

“No…” I begin, “I’m putting it off for a while…” More like forever. I just won’t say anything, and hopefully they’ll never find out. Never, ever find out…

“You know, they’re going to find out… don’t you?” Dan points out. Dammit.

“If you don’t tell them now, it will probably be in the worst possible way…” he continues. Bah, who needs logic. They’ll never find out- well, that’s the line I’m sticking with.

“Are you two even official yet?” Dan turns to me curiously.

“Nah, don’t think so,” I muse, quite unconcerned.

“Why not? Aren’t you worried?” Dan says and gets that sly look that says he’s about to say something that will make me hysterical.

“Why would I be concerned?” I ask, a little disdainfully confused.

“Well Patrick, he could run off with someone else; you don’t really have a claim to him,” Dan says, amusement colouring his features.

“You think Heath would run off with some two-dollar ho?” Oh no he didn’t just imply that to me! I am angry! Angry like those people involved in love quadrangles on Oprah, except I don’t really know what a quadrangle is.

“Oh, of course. You’re such a catch Patrick, whose eyes would ever stray?” Dan smirks at me.

Oh my god. Heath is going to find someone else! I must tie him down! We should get married, right now! Must find Heath… Must find Heath…

Patrick, Somewhat Later

“So,” I sit on someone’s garden wall out the front of the bus stop, twiddling my thumbs, twiddling away, like they’ve got a life of their own and they’re twiddling faster… faster…

“So,” Heath replies, amused. His stare is well, it’s more of a smirk really, as his hand traces a circle on mine that has me forget to breathe a little. Of course, then I remember I need to breathe in a real hurry, and start gasping for air as he looks at me in undisguised amusement.

“Heath, what are we?” I ask tentatively. I’m going to be subtle and unobtrusive about this.

“What do you mean what are we?” Heath raises an eyebrow. Great, he’s going to be difficult. And you know why he’s being difficult? Because he doesn’t want to commit to being my boyfriend “…because you’re going to run off with some SLUT FROM ROMANIA!” I yell at him. Hmmm, didn’t end up going with subtle after all.

“Romania?” Heath looks extremely, sexily sceptical, “What are you talking about?!”

“Fine Heath, I’ll spell it out for you. You do not want to commit to a relationship with me because you are going to find yourself a man-slut who wears spandex with orange ruffles and will one day convince you to join the circus, and you know, I really don’t think you’re flexible enough to be an acrobat. So you know, go and be a lion trainer, see if I care.” I sulk. That lion training bastard!
That lion training bastard is LAUGHING at me!

“Well, I’m not really sure if you’re dedicated enough for me Patrick,” Heath shrugs, beginning to turn away from me.

“WHAT?!” I shriek, Heath winces.

“I… I put up with Dan being right about me being gay for you. I can live with my little sister probably knowing more than I do about gay sex for you. And my virginity was taken by a broom because of you!” I roar, then realise what I’ve just let slip. Oh shit.

“What the fuck? Broom?” Heath’s jaw is practically hitting the floor right now.

“Remember that time in English… in the broom closet?" I mutter, scuffing my feet in the dirt in front of me. Heath is still gaping.

“Yeah, well you kind of… backed me up onto a broom. And I was distracted by… it was your fault!” I grumble. Heath is staring blankly at me.
Then he starts laughing, hysterically. He actually slides down the brick wall, weakly pounding the dirt and gasping for breath. I glare at him with all the power of Patrick-awesome-and-fearsome-glare™, and he slowly manages to return from the point of laughing himself to death- would have served him right.

“Well Patrick, if I can accept the chaos that surrounds you, I can deal with trying to survive it all with you…” Heath laughs to himself, “…Patrick, will you be my boyfriend?”
Success!

“Maybe…” I decide, not entirely sure I’m happy with that proposal… isn’t he supposed to say he loves me and be all romantic? Aren’t we supposed to skip into the sunset? It’s morning! There IS NO SUNSET!
Heath is smirking and shaking his head, that sexy bastard. Damn him, I think he’s one big Patrick-melting conspiracy…

“Fine, yes, I will be your boyfriend!” I hiss, because I’ve never been good at suspense.

Now, let’s go have sex…

“Really?” Heath grins naughtily. I guess, of all the times to talk aloud, this time wasn’t so bad…

Heath

Screw catching the bus to the shops, I’m going to screw Patrick instead. Mmm, fuck my boyfriend, until he screams for me. I stare at Patrick hungrily, before grabbing him and yanking him back to my place, not that he’s complaining, for once. I drag him up the stairs, and push him back onto my bed, aware that Cherie and Natalya are conveniently away this morning.

He’s not rambling, just staring up at me, his chest rising and falling as he breathes heavily. I throw off my shirt and reach for his, ripping some of the buttons off as I treat the clothing rather harshly. Then I turn my fingertips to his chest, teasing him and stroking him with light touches until he’s writhing on the bed, glaring at me and wishing for more.

Nibbling on his neck, I press my body onto his, grinding into him through our pants as he gasps and grinds back into me.

“Heath!” he whines, as I smirk and fleetingly brush my hands over his nipples, still not giving him enough. Running my hands through his curly hair, I grind against him again, pressing my lips against his. His lips obligingly open for me, but I chuckle to myself and keep the kiss chaste and close-lipped.

Finally Patrick bites my lip in frustration, hard enough that pain shoots through me and I open my lips unwillingly. Patrick takes control of the kiss, letting his own tongue tangle with mine, his hands reaching up behind my back to pull me down and press me closer to him.

“Take your pants off,” Patrick whispers to me, and I do just that, hastily unbuttoning my pants and throwing them along with my boxers to the floor: I won’t be needing them. I feel Patrick’s gaze on my body like a tangible touch, and instantly crawl back onto my bed, over the top of him. My hands delve beneath the waistband of his pants, beneath his boxers, brushing a hand through the curly hair, over his thighs- avoiding what I know he really wants me to touch. When Patrick realises I’m still teasing him, he actually growls, baring his teeth at me as I laugh and undo his buttons, sliding the remainder of his clothing off of his hips and making sure to breath over his skin as I slide them down his legs, his flesh coming up in goose bumps.

Then, just to be an asshole, I take his cock in my mouth suddenly, as he arches off the bed and gasps “Heath!” in shock and pleasure. Continuing to suck hard on his warm length in my mouth, I pinch his nipples hard as he attempts to continue to glare at me for the extremes I’ve tormented him with. Gripping the rest of his cock that won’t fit in my mouth unless I deep throat him, I stroke hard with my free hand then fondle his balls. As I’d guessed, lack of stimulation made his body over sensitised and now my touch is an absolute assault on his senses. Pleased, I suck hard, grabbing the lube with one hand and I quickly cover a finger as Patrick thrashes and whimpers on the bed. Carefully, I push my finger through his tight ring of muscle as he strains, his hands moving to my head, fingers tightening in my hair.

In a moment, I push a second finger in, knowing he is too intent on my sucking to bother about the added intrusion.

“Heath, I’m so close…” Patrick breathes, desperate for release. Watching his face closely, I move my fingers until I hit his prostate gland, his entire body stiffening as he gasps “Again!”
Sucking extra hard, I hit his prostate again, feeling him explode in my mouth as he yells “Heath!”. Sucking the last of the salty liquid down, I remove his now soft cock down from my mouth and watch with a grin as he lays panting. My own cock is hard, straining and desperate for attention and with a smirk, Patrick looks me up and down, licking his lips.
“Fuck me Heath.”
Well there is an instruction I’m hardly going to ignore. Repositioning my fingers back inside of him, I stretch his passage as he pulls me down for a kiss. In time, I add a third finger with a scissoring motion, hitting his prostate again a few times as his cock slowly begins to harden again. The libido of a teenage boy… I love it.
I hiss as Patrick grabs the cold lube, drizzling some onto my cock and rubbing, feeling so good I want to fuck him like an animal, and Patrick’s smirk tells me he knows it. Positioning myself at his entrance, I push in slowly, barely resisting the urge to slam my cock into his tight hole as hard as I can.
Patrick runs his hands over my back and I take it as a sign to move, thrusting into him with a groan. “Patrick!”

I feel hot, almost feverish; both of us are covered in a sheen of sweat as our bodies brush together, meld together, burn together. I know I won’t last much longer, not with the sounds Patrick is making on top of our earlier erotic display. Bending down to kiss him deeply, I thrust harder, faster, deeper and am rewarded with Patrick hissing “Yes! God, don’t stop… don’t fucking stop!”

Snaking a hand between us to wrap around Patrick’s cock, I pump hard, intending to make sure he comes as I do, and I’m not disappointed. I’m barely holding on, as the bed creaks and I shudder in ecstasy as Patrick finally comes, screaming my name, his passage clamping around me and I’m so far gone that I come instantly, unable to resist that last stimulation, screaming his name. We both manage to ride it out, until I collapse next to him, both our stomachs smeared with his seed, sweaty, and very satisfied.

“I think I like being your boyfriend,” Patrick murmurs, and I only have the energy to smile.

Patrick

As with all good things, the universe knows when you’ve been fucked thoroughly, and being the skanky whore it is, wants to fuck you up too. I have much faith in this theory, and it doesn’t disappoint now. After Heath reluctantly cleaned up so Cherie and Natalya wouldn’t find us like that, I ambled home to find one of those “situations”, where Stacey was all snippy and wanted to talk to us kids. It can’t end well, this much I know.

Stacey is in the kitchen, Emma conveniently watching “Happy Feet” in the family room as Dan, Adam, Warren and I sit tense, watching her.

“I called you in here because Vito seemed to think we should have a discussion,” Stacey says calmly.

“About what?” Warren asks emotionlessly, Adam remaining silent next to him. I sense, as does Dan, that this is more about the Seralakis family, than the Shayne family.

“About me being Emma’s mother and staying with the Shayne family,” Stacey continues in that same, forced-calm tone. You know, I really don’t think I want to be here for this, honestly, Adam and Warren can have her back!

“How much is there to say? You chose them and not us,” Warren replies in a bland voice. I see Adam’s hands clench reflexively.

“Well it’s not that simple, Warren…” Stacey begins, chiding Warren.

“It isn’t? You didn’t just upgrade and leave your sons? Because you sure as hell weren’t there for us,” Adam says mildly, his lack of anger making his words all the icier. Stacey looked taken aback.

“Adam, Warren… when you become an adult, you have to make hard decisions…” Stacey tries to defend herself.

“When I become an adult?! Do you think I’m that stupid that I can’t see what’s going on?!” Adam cries, stopping when Warren puts a hand on his arm. At first, I think Warren is again protecting Stacey, before Adam turns to the door and I follow his gaze, seeing Emma standing in the doorway. She’s frozen by the hostility in the room, and looking to us uncertainly, not comprehending our fight. Stacey’s eyes flicker to Emma, then back to us, and Dan stands.

“Emma, Patrick, let’s go for a walk,” he says as I stand up to join him, meeting Adam’s eyes in a silent show of support as Dan nods his approval to Warren.

We walk silently in the afternoon sunshine, automatically heading for the park. Emma sits down on the swing, but doesn’t push off, just sitting there, waiting sadly. Dan and I take a swing each on either side of her.

“Are mum and dad going to split up?” She asks quietly, looking at the ground, “I hear them fighting, about me, about Warren and Adam… they fight a lot,” she whispered,

“You boys need to understand that I no longer love your father, and that sometimes people fall out of love…”

“Like you no longer loved us?” Warren asked quietly.

“Why are they so angry?” Emma asks. “We’re supposed to be happy, aren’t we?” She turns to us for reassurance, her childish face holding fears it never should have had.

“Sometimes families aren’t always happy, Princess,” Dan sighs, pushing off to swing lightly.

“You know that Patrick, Warren, Adam and I, we all love you very much,” Dan continues slowly. Emma nods, subdued.

“But do you remember when Patrick didn’t get along with Adam and Warren?”
Emma nods fiercely, her black curls bouncing.

“I told them off for being mean Patrick! But you’re friends now!” Emma cries indignantly.

“Yes, but back then, when Stacey lived with us, Adam and Warren were very jealous. They were upset because she didn’t stay with them…”

“I loved you!” Stacey looked outraged.

“Not enough to stay,” Warren shot back.

“You loved us enough to walk away and never come back, loved us enough to make us wonder what was wrong with us every night, wonder what was so good about them,” Adam spat.
“Loved us enough to resent us when we were dumped in your life again…”

“Why didn’t she stay with them?” Emma asks, upset.

“I don’t really know,” Dan says simply.

“That was mean! I bet Adam and Warren missed her!” Emma looks confused.

“Ah but Princess, things aren’t always that easy… What if your mum had stayed with them? Then you would have missed her and you would have been sad!” Dan explains, conveniently ignoring that Emma wasn’t alive when Stacey left.

“But we could live together! Like now!” Emma decides.

“But then Warren and Adam would miss their dad, who lives far away. There is no easy solution to a problem like that, Emma.”

“I brought you into this family, fed you, clothed you, gave you a place to sleep and this is how you thank me? What do you want from me!” Stacey threw back, waving her hands in the air.

“Love! I wanted love, and I wanted a mother. But it’s too late now…” Adam shook his head, blinking his eyes quickly to avoid letting the tears in them overflow.

“Too late?” Stacey for the first time, looked alarmed.

“You’re my biological mother Stacey, but you’re not my mum, you didn’t raise me,” Adam said quietly, as Stacey sat back as if she’d been slapped.

“Remember Emma, for as long as you need us, you’ve got us,” I say quietly, looking at the dejected form on the swing, and wishing the harsh knowledge could have been bestowed upon her later in life, wishing she, Warren and Adam could have had a better mother…

“And Adam and Warren too, we’re here for you all,” I finished, choking a little as I thought of how much I missed my mum, and her ability to make it all better.

“And you? You too Warren?” Stacey asked, voice shaking.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this!” Warren slammed a fist down on the table, face in a grimace, showing Stacey more emotion than ever before.

“But it is like this,” Adam replied tonelessly, voice hollow.

“I’m sorry…” Stacey whispered, before walking out of the room like she’d walked out of their life all those years ago.

“I’m proud of you for supporting Adam and Warren,” Dan comments idly to me.

“Mum would have helped them, and Emma. I miss her…” I admit.

“What was she like? Tell me again!” Emma looks to us, curiously aware that our mothers are not the same.

“She used to sing to us, I mean, she always forgot the words so it didn’t usually make sense, but she could sing nicely,” I remember with a laugh.

“Her eyes were sparkling brown, like… like the Murray River. And she loved to dance, even though she used to bump into things a lot! Mum was a bit accident prone…” I recall fondly.

“Patrick, you’re not really painting her in the greatest light, you know,” Dan points out, but Emma stills sits, enraptured, as if Mum was a shining Princess in a fairytale.

“She was kind, but really scared of Caterpillars. We always had to rescue her from them!” I laugh, recalling the times we’d carried out our ‘rescue’ operations as Emma gasps.

“Caterpillars?!” She asks, surprised.

“Mmhmm, Caterpillars!” I confirm, getting off my swing and pushing Emma until she screams “Higher! Higher Patrick!”, Dan watching with an indulgent smile.

“You know Patrick, I think mum would be proud of you too,” Dan gazes out into the distances as Emma chortles and kicks out higher, until the whole frame of the swing shakes with her effort to reach out into the sky, and tears prick at my eyes, unbidden.
It’s moments like these I’ll treasure forever.

Heath

After feeling wonderful with Patrick, I got a low blow in the form of Kevin’s arrival, smarmy as always, ignoring Natalya and I as per usual. I did however get a kick out of the variety of faces Natalya made behind Kevin’s back, especially when he turned around and she quickly pretended she was doing interpretive dance.

“I want you to go on a holiday with me,” Kevin decides, looking indulgently at Cherie.

“Oh, but Heath and Natalya have school this week,” Cherie reminds him, as Natalya discreetly makes a face at me. She doesn’t like Kevin either.

“Not now, while they’re on holidays,” Natalya and I both ignore him, the conversation pointedly does not involve us, and I can tell she feels as awkward as I do.

Cherie looks at Kevin for a long time, making no reply, and Natalya observes them intently. Kevin looks back at her, wondering at the silence, like the rest of us.

“Kevin… I, we aren’t the same people we once were, and even then we couldn’t agree,” Cherie begins with a sigh, as Kevin’s eyes narrow. I feel my stomach leap as I realise it sounds like Cherie is breaking up with him. A small grin pulls at the corners of Natalya’s mouth.

“This can’t work, Kevin,” Cherie says quietly but firmly.

“Did you have to do this in front of the kids?” Kevin asks her, annoyed, still ignoring us. Cherie just looks at him levelly, until with a sour look on his face, he leaves, muttering that they will discuss things later.

“Even knowing how I felt, he didn’t bother to use your names… I was right,” Cherie sighed, putting her head in her hands and pushing her dinner away.

“Heath, go and get the ice cream,” Natalya orders imperiously.

“Why can’t you get the ice cream?” I ask, trying to pull my chaotic thoughts together enough to celebrate this wonderful anti-Kevin moment.
The look Natalya throws me is enough to make me get up hurriedly, Cherie laughing a little at our antics despite her disappointment.

“And get the chocolate topping… and chop some chocolate to go on top… oh, just bring everything!” Natalya shouts from the next room as I sweatdrop. Living with Natalya has done weird things to our diet- we eat less greasy food but indefinitely more sweet things. I now hate hotdogs (Natalya can’t stand them), but I also know exactly how to ice cream binge.
I sigh in annoyance as the doorbell rings, getting it reluctantly. I see Dan and Patrick at the door, looking sheepishly at me.

“Can we come in?”

Of course they come in and I explain the situation with Cherie and Kevin quietly, Patrick getting a fierce look as he cries “Yes! Justice!” which I think? …is his way of sticking up for me. Then he squeals and hugs me. I blink at Dan.

“He’s been on the internet researching gay relationships, and I think he’s got it into his head that he needs to be a cross between Shannon and an anime character,” Dan informs me in a whisper, as I pull out the tub of chocolate ice cream, set Dan to chopping up some chocolate pieces and then grab a tray to carry the topping, sprinkles and nuts. Patrick grabs five bowls, five spoons… and a cucumber, which he begins to eat.

I open my mouth to ask, then shut it- if I ask about every weird thing he does, I’ll run out of breath.
Finally, we return to a sinister sight- Natalya clutching Moulin Rouge reverently. She loves that film- she also usually ends up crying.

“I love Nicole Kidman in this!” Dan grins.

“I like the narcoleptic Argentinean!” Patrick pipes up. Of course Patrick likes the narcoleptic Argentinean, one of the two weirdest characters in the movie.

“Welcome to insanity, Heath!” cries a cheerful green leprechaun sitting on the TV, giving me a wink. Damn, Patrick is catching…

The object of my thoughts, my boyfriend settles himself into my side (making himself comfortable and spilling chocolate all over my pants in the process when he tries to snatch Dan’s ugly ring away to “Throw it in the fire and reveal the true evil of Lord Sauron” or something) and I think my life is falling into place.
Now I just need to tell him one last little thing…
Oh shit, all hell’s gonna break loose.

I am Channing Tatum the Third (aka Author’s note):

(Letting you know right now this is long and mostly completely irrelevant, but possibly amusing so you’re welcome to read on)

Sup fools? I am proofing this as of 10:19am my time, Sunday 23rd, and I am hungover as a drunken limbless raptor- my point (other than I feel like I’m going to hurl all over my keyboard) is that my proof reading and attempting to make sense of my separately written sections will be shit house. I figured you’d probably rather me just post it sooner, sorry in advance. If it is really that bad, I’ll edit it later- it will undergo extensive editing anyway for the book.
First of all, every time someone reviewed, I felt really guilty, but this chapter was longer than my usual chapters, I hope it made up for the wait. I sat at uni, around all those bright thinking faces, writing gay smut, and I laughed at the irony. Was there actually irony to laugh at? I don’t know. I do realise I am rambling. Like a raptor. Raptor is my word of the day.

To anyone reading the sex scene… “We both manage to ride it out”, yes, the pun IS intended Muhahahaha.

As for my rather sweeping statement (Channing Tatum), if you read my profile, you will know that I got drunk on NYE this year, came home and declared in front of my sisters wide-eyed and underage friends that I was in fact Channing Tatum the third.
For all who would enjoy a laugh at my expense, Kuradok Evangeline msged me this morning; the message in its entirety was this:

“Rofl rofl rofl rofl HA HA HA HA HA best photo of you ever. EVER. You look like an absolute tool.”

Do I feel special or what? I do wonder how bad it is- one of my favourite photos is of me climbing on a wall lying down and trying to eat a headless rose we found on the floor of a club because I decided I needed to be a drunken caterpillar- actually one of my better ideas.
Two weeks ago on Thursday night I sung the Pokémon theme song over the Kmart store PA to my manager. If that isn’t the best thing you’ve ever heard, I don’t know what is.

I work at Kmart, and have always wanted to sing over the store P.A. (you know, the microphone thingy? I don’t actually know what PA stands for. Does anyone?)
Well, anyway, I serenaded my manager Jar-face and Kuradok with a beautiful rendition of the Pokémon theme song (yes, I do know the words, myself and my sister can actually harmonise the song).

I think that’s pretty much it. Just quietly, how epic was this author’s note? Feel free to include your own ramblings if you review (which, please, do review, I love you for it, hands down pants styles), because I do enjoy reading them.

Hands definitely down pants ;)
Nara

P.S.

...Next chapter is the last chapter for this story! lik omg!211111!11#&