so i let the ink spilling
onto my skin
speak my truths
while i hitch up the smiles
(was it only carelessness that made me drop them?)
and lie to him for the first time.
“that’s great.”
my real laugh is more bitter than i think he can tell
but it just makes me feel so lonely
to see him with her
when i’ve got no one.

and not for the first time
i wonder why
i’m here
spilling secrets to him
in the midnight dark
with a too-light-hearted hug
and a wistful laugh
(he doesn’t know
i want to hold him longer
and my wishes aren’t just for the past)
hoping to him a good night
(or is it morning?)
despite knowing
he won’t ever be mine to hope for.

but the empty locket is just
carved metal
and space in between
dangling on a chain as it
w a i t s
to be filled.
so it can be meaningful.