everyone has hard times in their life

but what do you do

when those hard times never go away

when you forget what it's like

to actually have good times

i've fallen apart time and time again

but this time i'm losing faith

i fear there will be no more good times for me

everyone tells me to just hold on

that i'll have more good times to come

but how can i believe that

when for the last four years

there have been nothing but bad things

to come my way in life

i have friends that help me through them

friends that will always stand by my side

and catch me whenever i fall

but it's not enough anymore

i need more than someone to catch me

i need more than someone to hold me as i cry

i need an escape

a way to forget everything that goes on around me

something to numb the neverending pain

i hold deep inside my heart

memories of being completely happy

of never knowing what real pain was

flash before my eyes

and i wonder where i went wrong

what happened that changed my soul

from one of happiness and joy

to one of sadness and emptiness

i try to make myself be happy

to remember what it's like

to smile and have a glow in my eyes

but what i feel never comes close

to what i once felt

i know it's a long way to happy for me

i know it's going to be a long time

before i can really smile again

and not have it be a fake one

it's going to take all i have inside me

just to hold on

and live this life that i feel

just isn't worth living anymore

but there isn't anything i can do

i refuse to take myself away from those i love

and those that love me

they all need me too much right now

i just don't want to hold on

to make others happy

when i can't even be happy myself

i miss my old self

when i was full of innocence

and didn't know what life could really be like

when i didn't know what sadness really was

or what true heartbreaking pain was like

i just want to feel joy again

to be able to have people compliment

the sparkles i have in my eyes

whenever i am truly happy

but i know i'm a long way from being that way

if i ever get back to that way

from the looks of my life right now

i don't think i'll be happy for a long time

i fake happiness to make others happy

but inside i am slowly dying

and they don't even know it

they're too busy with their lives

with their own problems

to notice the lonely little girl

locked in her room most of the day

crying her eyes out because she can't take the pain

that's slowly eating at her very soul

i wish they knew what was going on

but i'm too scared to tell them

because it's either not the best time

or they just don't want to listen

i've fallen into pits of depression before

and have came back out on top

but i've fallen too far too fast this time

to get out on my own