It's my fault again

As usual

The muse that used to be

Right there for my use

Has slipped away

Disappeared

As the depression of unhappiness

Settles on my mind

And eases effortlessly

Into every ounce of me

My ability to write is gone

A black veil

Has shrouded the muse

Who'd give me the end of this story

I hate emotions

My life, decisions

All seem to be right at the moment they're made

But later prove to be bad

I shrink from life

From decisions

From the feelings of despondency, depression, hopelessness

Drizzled with unhappiness

It's my fault again

As usual

I put myself here

But I'm tired of being blamed

Do I blame myself

Does my father, my mother

Blame me

Undoubtedly my grandmother would if she knew my thoughts

The comments she spews like blackness are evidence enough

It's always my fault

Something I've done

I've grown up thinking that way

Believing it to be true and not receiving a negation

So shall I suffer this depression

I feel unworthy of everything

And yet am thirsty for attention, nurturing

But receive none

That I need

Feel I need and desire

I doubt others when they say they care or they love me

I'm tired of being hurt

And put into the cage of depression

But want to be close to someone

It's my fault again

As usual

The muse that used

To be so close

Has vanished

Disappeared

Once again I am left alone

Standing alone, self-conscious

Choking on unhappiness and depression

Ready to take hold

Of whoever offers support

And invitably hurt again