I felt disoriented when I woke up that morning.

Pulled back, the blinds revealed the bright sun behind the frosted window. There was a wooden desk straight ahead in my line of vision, and the wall filled with posters on the wall the window was occupying. When my eyes landed on an acoustic guitar propped up in the corner of the room, I felt one beat of foreboding before I sat up without thinking.

This wasn’t my room.

My eyes fluttered around my surroundings in panic. What the hell? How did I get here? I looked down at my clothes and saw black sweatpants over my legs and a large shirt over my chest.

“Don’t panic,” I muttered under my breath as I threw the covers over my body, even as my heart began a sprint. “Don’t panic. Think back.”

The door slammed open.

I shrieked.

“Cass—shit, my bad!”

“Kari,” I gasped before calming down. “I—what’re you doing?” I shook my head rapidly. “Forget that. Where am I? My God, my parents are going to freak.” I wrung my hands nervously before exhaling loudly.

Kari pushed me back to the bed after placing a cup on the wooden desk. “Calm down, chica. Here, drink this.”

In a bemused daze, I took the warm cup from Kari’s hold and the wonderful burst of chocolate filled my senses. “I love you,” I mumbled around the rim of the cup, looking up at Kari.

“Everyone does.” The amusement from her eyes lowered a level and she took the rolling chair by the desk. Uncertain, I allowed her to stare me down before annoyance began to build. “So. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I responded automatically. She gave me a bored look. Frowning, I took another sip. “Why wouldn’t I—”

The annoyance vanished. Suddenly nauseated, I remembered. A stronger sense of dread filled me and I grew silent, my mind reeling from last night’s events.

“I’ll take that as a no.”

“I can’t believe that happened.” My mouth was dry all of a sudden, my expression twisted, and I felt heavy like lead. My hands tightened around the black mug before my grip went slack. “Amy pushed me,” I said out loud. And then I winced.

Amy Duran pushed me into a swimming pool. My best friend. The one I supposedly made up with that same night.

Feeling sick, I closed my eyes tightly. God, and I believed her. I believed—I lost myself in misguided hope that she finally came to her senses.

But the whole time, she had an ulterior motive.

“Why the hell?” I whispered and opened my eyes. Kari was watching me carefully, her usual overconfident expression tucked away behind the disturbance in her eyes. Lashes lowering, I stared at the brown liquid. “I can’t believe . . .” I trailed off stupidly.

“If it helps,” Kari said hesitantly, “My hand accidentally connected with her face a few times.”

I stared at her blankly before a reluctant smile tugged my lips.

“You were always the one for violence.”

“What? I’m never violent. I’m always the peacemaker.”

I looked at her dubiously.

“Okay, fine. Not all the time,” she amended. “But this time it was for a good cause. Backstabbers shouldn’t be allowed to walk away unscathed.”

My muscles tensed. “Usually, I would agree with you on a remark like that.” I paused, reviewing my emotions once, twice, three times. I nodded to myself in confirmation. “But Amy—” I shook my head, “I understand why she pushed me.”

“. . . Do you want to die? Is that it? Do you want me to bring death to you?” Kari said flatly before she made a face of incredulity. “What are you, high? The psycho witch pushed you in a swimming pool! If it weren’t for Rick, you’d be blue right now for crap’s sake. Don’t you dare go all saint on me, Summer.”

Instead of the hurt I expected to feel at her words, I only felt anger. It began to boil deep in my gut until it reached the surface of my body. “Don’t you think I know that?” I hissed. “Yes, she pushed me. Yes, she lied to me. Yes—she hates my guts. But it’s my fault, not her—”

“Oh, don’t even!” Kari stood up. “Don’t make this about you. This isn’t your fault. You didn’t jump into the pool on your own free will. She had no right to do that to you—”

“But she does!” I breathed, fury pulsing through my veins. Everything suddenly felt dark and ugly. It was my fault. I made her hate me. I—God, how could I’ve been so stupid? I shook my head in disgust. “I’m no better than a—a home wrecker.” I nodded in declaration. “Yeah, I’m no better than some filthy slut from the—”

“Shut up, you cow!”

Something hard hit my forehead before one second later, spasms of pain vibrated through my forehead and down my face. I glowered, “What the hell was that for?”

“You do realize how stupid you sound, right? Blaming yourself? Because you obviously did not do anything.”

“I—”

“Shut up. Just shut up. You clearly have water in your brain.” Her face pulled into a dirty look. “I don’t understand how the hell you can be so unselfish. Just accept it, Cassidy. Amy hating you is not your fault.”

I stared at her dubiously.

I shook my head then, “You don’t understand.” My voice was quiet. “You didn’t see the way she looked at me. She wanted me to evaporate. I stole Dante from her, I—”

“Oh for damn’s sake—”

“—I disrespected her! I betrayed her as a friend. I—”

“Why don’t you—”

“Am I interrupting something?”

The words died at the back of my throat as my head swivelled to the direction of the voice.

“Rick.” Kari bared her teeth at me. “Tell Cassidy that she’s being a complete moron.”

My eyes snapped back to her.

“I—”

“Cassidy you’re being a complete moron.”

“—hey!” I glowered at both of them before sighing in exasperation. “What are you doing here, Rick?” I asked dully, finding no point in arguing with Kari when all she’ll do is go against all my words. I mean, what does she know? She wasn’t the one feeling severe guilt cutting her away. The anger was gone and replaced by something else numb.

“I live here.”

“What?”

“As in, you’re in my bed.”

I stared at him before my brain clicked. “Oh, hell—” I jumped up, thankful that I thought of putting my mug on the nightstand beside his bed. “What am I doing here?”

Closing the door behind him, Rick lifted a perfectly arched eyebrow. “Is that the thanks I get for saving you?”

For a moment, I’m at a lost for words. Then I remembered those two strong arms encircling me and propelling me towards the surface determinedly when all I recalled doing was wanting the water to take over my thoughts.

A fresh new wave of heavy emotions rolled around.

“I . . .” I looked at him hesitantly and noted the way his joking demeanour was gone and replaced by seriousness. He was worried about me, I realized disbelievingly. Rick—the same person that I treated like crap, practically—was worried about my well-being.

God, that’s right. Keep me feeling miserable about myself. I deserved it, I know.

“Thanks,” I managed to mouth and a hand reached up to rub the side of my face. “Oh God—what the hell was I thinking?” I grimaced. “I’m such a moron.”

“I told you.”

“Shut your mouth, Kari.”

Seconds dragged by, so I opened my mouth again. “So how did I get here?” I asked lamely, my hand gesturing to the room before falling limply to my side. Rick was still standing closest to the door and farthest away from me. He looked mysterious, hiding in the shadows, the sunlight missing his frame by a few metres. But even so, I saw his lips twitching from where I was situated.

“We hauled your ass from the party,” Kari said. “After Rick and Dante got off each other.”

My eyes widened and I whipped towards her. “What?”

But she didn’t need to answer because I remembered the beginnings of the fight. I twitched, slapping a hand over my eyes.

“Why?” I moaned, slamming my forehead against the book Kari threw at me earlier. “Why, why, why, why?”

“Think we should stop her?” Kari asked mildly.

“Nah.”

I tore the book from my bright red forehead. Ignoring Kari’s smirk, I peered around the room. “Where are my clothes?” I demanded, lifting Rick’s comforters before automatically arranging it into its proper place. “Oh yeah—” I whirled to Kari. “You have my clothes. Do you still have them?”

Kari’s face was wry. “Why?”

Rolling my shoulders backward in an attempt to stretch my muscles, I exhaled and announced clearly, “I’m going to find a pool to drown myself in.”

Rick’s eyes were horrified before he glared at me. “Not funny.”

I raised both eyebrows at him, bemused, before shrugging. “I need to talk to Amy.”

Kari shot me a scathing glare. “I’m gonna rip your hair and . . .” Kari muttered.

“Cassidy, I knew you were stupid but really, don’t you think you’re going too far?” Rick mused, looking like he was actually thinking about the answer. I bared my teeth at him before swiftly straightening myself up defiantly when Kari made a move to block my path.

“I need to talk to her.” I can be stubborn when I felt like it.

“She won’t listen to you.”

“I’ll force her to.”

“Not when Nicoletta’s around.”

Point taken. I ran a hand through my hair, feeling absolutely torn. This was my fault. My own ridiculous fault. If I paid more attention . . . If I noticed Amy’s reactions to Dante — and not Seth, apparently — then all of this could’ve been avoided. Hell, I’m not going to throw away three years of friendship for a guy.

My lips thinned. Everything was going to work out.

Rick’s voice roused me from my thoughts. “Say, Cassidy . . .” His voice was neutral and nonchalant that it made me turn to him sharply. “Didn’t she see you kissing Dante?”

I stared at him blankly before I picked up the book and proceeded to kill off my brain cells.

How do you thank someone when you feel the need to beat them an inch from death? I mused to myself thoughtfully as I walked down the sidewalk with Rick talking easily at my side. Apparently he got over my contemptuous glare and proceeded to fill in the much needed silence with words.

I wanted to hit him.

But only because multiple bruises marred his skin. I figured that was the reason he kept his distance from me earlier—he didn’t want anyone to see his blemished face with bruises. It was inevitable, however. I managed to see it. And when I did . . . Was it so wrong I wanted to add my own inflict of damage?

“Hey Cassidy.” His voice was amused. “I know I’m gorgeous, but try keeping some of your dignity in tact, all right?”

I blinked, before my eyes narrowed into slits. “I was thinking of ways to cause bodily harm,” I muttered, turning my head away from his laughing eyes. I inspected my shoes sullenly. How the hell could he be smiling at me when all I wanted to do was disappear?

“I see sadism is still part of your daily ritual.”

“Hm.” I frowned, glancing at him from the corner of my eye before my gaze drifted to his hand swinging every now and then at his side. In the cold, the frosty wind made his hand look even more fragile with its scratches and bruises.

“What?” he asked bewildered. I realized then that I gasped out loud.

“What is that?”

“Are you on crack?” he asked jokingly as he tried—not discreetly, may I add—to change the subject. Even when I tried reaching for his hand, he managed to shove them deep into his winter pockets. “Seriously, don’t stare with your jaw hanging like that. It’s unattractive.”

My jaw snapped closed at his remark and I growled. “Give me your hand.”

His teeth flashed. “Demanding, aren’t we?”

I sighed exasperatedly. Of all the days to be playful and, well, joking he just had to pick today? Without saying anything, I yanked his hand from his pocket and brought it close to my face.

“Did you clean this?” I demanded, sticking his hand to his face. “Why didn’t you bandage it up?” My hand fluttered helplessly over his damaged hand before I settled on putting it back into his pocket. Only so he could keep it warm, of course.

Rick glanced at me warily with slight humour. Oh come on. I can be nice when I wanted to. “Yes, actually.”

“It doesn’t look like it.”

“It’ll heal.” He shrugged and looked straight ahead. I watched the side of his face for half a moment before tearing my gaze away.

Silence engulfed our thoughts. Rick didn’t talk anymore and I was apprehensive because it may have been my fault. I bit the insides of my cheeks. I seem to be hurting a lot of people lately, haven’t I?

“Thanks.”

“What was that?” Rick asked politely.

I made a face automatically. Sighing, I smoothed my expression over, feeling terribly vulnerable at the moment. “I said thank you,” I repeated patiently.

He was quiet, before, “You already said that.”

I threw him a dirty look, unable to help myself. “You asked me to repeat it,” I retorted.

“No, I meant: you thanked me earlier, at my house.”

I looked away awkwardly when he directed his eyes towards me. “Well, I really mean it,” I muttered before swallowing hard. I allowed a few seconds to drag by before I turned to him sharply. “And you’re an idiot for fighting with Dante,” I announced.

He raised an eyebrow before his expression grew dark. “What, you think I can’t handle him?”

Impatient, I waved a hand at him. “No, you fool. You could’ve gotten hurt—hell, you are hurt.” I tried not to flinch at the sight of his bruises. “Why did you even—” I broke off at the look on his face. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that expression before.

Yeah. I’m a little freaked out, I admit.

“I retaliated,” he said coolly. “I was merely defending myself.”

I was incredulous. “You’re saying that Dante started the fight?” I tried to think back on the details, but all I remember was the little episode with Amy. I shook my head. Water, Rick, Kari, Amy, Dante. Their kiss. I made a face.

I knew better, of course. Amy only kissed Dante to get a rise out of me. She failed, if anyone wants to tell her. Am I supposed to believe that Dante would do that to me?

I wavered.

And then my resolve strengthened. No. He wouldn’t do that. He’s not the type to play with people’s feelings. I’m sure of it.

Rick’s lips twitched, but he didn’t smile. “Sorry, I forgot how perfect Dante Anderson was.”

I rolled my eyes.

“He’s far from perfect,” I muttered under my breath. Breaking my train of thought, I hesitated when a sudden question came to mind. “So,” I said uncertainly, trying to play it off, “Why . . . did you two fight?”

Silence. As I expected.

“Come on, you can tell me,” I urged.

A hint of a smirk covered Rick’s face. “I don’t think so. There’s no point in telling you if you honestly don’t know anything by now.”

I started, confused. “What?”

“It’s nothing.”

I coughed. Okay, he wasn’t going to tell me and I didn’t have the conviction at the moment to pry every single detail out of him. I ran a gloved hand over my face.

“So why did you want to go on a walk?” Rick said, his tone going 180 degrees.

“To beat you with a stick for getting into a fight,” I muttered under my breath.

“What was that?”

I pasted on a smile, “Nothing.”

After I mourn for myself for being such a complete moron, I thought despairingly as I trudged up the stairs towards my room, I’ll think of a way to talk to Amy. I promise.

God. Look at what I’ve become. This is too cringe worthy I’m sad to even know my name. I was aghast with myself for allowing myself to lower my guard. How dare I forget my morals?

“Still,” I said aloud, “I like him. There’s no point in denying that.”

I sighed. And that was the problem. Happily oblivious is understandable. You don’t know anything about it. It wouldn’t be accounted as your fault. But meeting the truth right out in the open, admitting to yourself, admitting it to him through your gestures . . .

Like I said. Moron.

“Maybe not like like him.” I frowned. “He . . . Well.” I slapped my forehead, trying to hurry up the process of thinking of Dante. I didn’t like thinking about him (well, at least that’s how it’s supposed to seem). But if my thoughts happen to cross a certain black haired boy, well, thinking about him must be done in a matter of nanoseconds.

“He has a nice way with words,” I finished, clarifying, before nodding to myself in approval.

“Who has a nice way with words?”

My heart jumped and I felt my breath catch when I saw Nicoletta casually sitting on my bed. For one second I was frozen. But then my eyes turned into slits.

“What’re you doing here?”

“Can’t I visit my cousin?” She bared her teeth in an angelic smile.

A wave of hopelessness and fury washed through me. So many questions popped through my mind. So many actions I wanted to take constantly nagged me. But all I managed was to choke out “Why?” as I controlled my raging emotions.

“Why would I visit you?” A thoughtful look passed on her face. “Huh. Actually, I’m quite unsure myself.”

“Get to the point Nicoletta,” I snapped, “Before I do something I regret.”

She looked surprised. “Here? In your own house?” Her lips tugged slyly, “To little ol' me?”

My lips thinned. How dare she walk into my house after what she’s done. How the hell can she even stand there, smiling smugly, without feeling a trace of guilt?

How could she stoop so low?

“You have the audacity to haul your ass all the way to my house,” I whispered lowly, staring straight at her. “There has to be something more than baiting me.”

For a while, we just looked at each other. I didn’t know whether to punch her across the face or feel sorry for my cousin. I mean, why would she go through all this trouble? What the hell did I ever do to her to have her be viciously cruel?

“Nah,” she said, her teeth flashing once again, “I just came to gloat.”

I slapped my forehead. “Don’t you have anything better to do?” I said exasperatedly, terribly tired of her melodramatic tirades. “You’ve done what you were aiming for, so just leave,” I bit out, walking in my room before throwing my bag to the side of my desk.

“I’m quite surprised, to be honest.” Frowning, I turned to her when she spoke, but she wasn’t looking at me. “I expected you to at least fight back. Isn’t that what you’re known for?”

I slid her a blank look. “You came here to fight me?”

“I came here to see how you’re holding up.” There was that beatific smile again.

“You can stop smiling at me,” I said, “It makes you much faker than you already are.”

In a split second, her smile died into a deadly glare. Despite the fact that she hasn’t confronted me for a while in a long time, I found myself revelling in the familiarity of it all. How many times has she glared at me throughout our childhood years?

My head tipped in acknowledgment. “What exactly did you tell Amy to get her to hate me so much?” My voice was dispassionate, but we both knew otherwise. It was the question eating me away. What were the words strong enough to break a sturdy friendship?

“The truth.” She offered a shrug.

“Elaborate.”

“Oh come on, Cassidy.” Chiming bells filled my room as Nicoletta laughed lightly. God. How could someone so evil sound so angelic? “I didn’t plant anything in her mind, if that’s what you’re wondering. It’s always been there.”

My look was still blank.

“Amy was always quite insecure,” she finally said coolly, her dignified expression back on her face. It only took me a second to realize.

“You took advantage of her,” I gasped, unable to help myself. “What the hell did you tell her?!” I demanded, this time with more force.

“The truth,” she repeated, bored.

Oh, for crap’s sake. If she was going to come to my house to gloat, shouldn’t she be telling me of her master blueprints and ideas that led her to this moment? Useless.

My hand tightened. “I swear to God, I’ll punch you.” My voice was tight as hysteria nearly knocked the wind out of me. “You know I will.”

Nicoletta rolled her eyes skyward as she jumped off my bed. “Really, Cassidy.” Her voice was impatient. “Would a real friend be so distrustful?”

I faltered, but said, “No.” What was she up to?

“She didn’t bother asking you for the truth. Not that she needed to because she saw it with her own eyes last night,” she added. I threw her a scathing glare. “She just believed me. She obviously knew that you were going to pull something like this on her. Or else she would’ve disregarded all my words.”

Well. That shut me up.

Wordlessly, I watched her pick her purse up and smooth her clothes down. I felt my heart beating hard against my ribcage.

“Why the hell did you come?” I whispered furiously, unable to raise my voice like I wanted to. I didn’t tear my eyes from the carpet for fear that I’d launch myself to her in a frenzy.

She stopped walking right beside me, but didn’t bother looking in my direction. “Honestly?” She shrugged. “I felt the need to clear my name. I was planning something else for your demise.” Her lips twitched as if the idea was amusing. Freaking lunatic. Who the hell says planning for your demise nowadays? “But this is much better. I gave her a nudge.” Nicoletta walked. “She jumped off the cliff herself.”

Feeling faint, I brought a hand up to my face to rub my cheek. “What a wonderful way to put it,” I murmured, turning my head to see her walk out of my room. “Didn’t bother defending your little cousin?” I asked sarcastically.

“You don’t need another one,” came her bitter reply.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means you have enough people coming to your defence.”

“Oh please,” I retorted. “I can take care of myself.”

She shook her head, disgusted. “You’re so blind, it makes me sick. Sometimes I think that you act oblivious just for the attention.”

My face pulled into a cross of incredulity and a dirty expression.

“The exit’s downstairs,” I said, pointing towards my door. Nicoletta flashed me one last look of distaste before casually flicking her hair and walked away.

I bared my teeth at the empty space she’d been occupying moments ago. What the hell did she mean by all that? I ran a hand through my hair, frustrated. I decided to just lay on my floor and stare up at the ceiling until my mind focused.

My mind was blank. All that I knew was that I needed to talk to Amy. And say what? I thought ruefully. I can’t say what she wants me to say. I’d be lying.

But that doesn’t mean that it’s supposed to mean anything.

I sat up sharply that I abruptly numbed my senses into a head rush. Rubbing my eyes, I stood on my feet. Yeah, I like Date. Yeah, I kissed him. So what if my feelings didn’t exactly wither away like I hoped it would? It doesn’t mean I have to do anything with them.

With my determination increased tenfold, I grabbed my jacket and walked out of my room.