The Last People You Want As Your Saviors (The Last people you want to save your sexy rear end)

By Katie (Kitty) and Austin

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This is a story about three rather strange warriors who despite being incredibly strong have nothing much going for them in the brains department or at least one of them doesn’t. Meet Zhou Yu Weerdo, the strange frill-loving magic caster in this story. He isn’t exactly the Hercules type hero, but he gets the job done. Next, there’s Rilan Fuul, she’s actually smart, but gets angry fast, and we mean fast. Finally, there’s, well that character is a secret for now. You have to read the story to find out more! (muhahahahahahaha!)

This is a story written by myself, Kitty, and my younger cousin Austin. We started this just for fun, but it turned out to be an exciting, somewhat bizarre story packed full with action and weird things. So read it, enjoy it, and review it!

So without further ado:

Chapter 1: Kung Fu Action Time! (Well sorta.)

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Rilan stood on the edge of the ridge and looked down at the massacre below her. The wind ruffled her long brown hair playfully, but she was definitely not in a playful mood. Her brow was furrowed in intense concentration as she planned her attack. She chanced a glance at the man beside her and waited till the ideas flowed forth.

Zhou Yu stared back at her, a small grin formed on his chapped lips. “Are you ready for this?” He asked the woman.

Rilan shrugged her shoulders, then answered,” I guess I have to be.”

“Let’s go kick some butt…” He muttered under his breath, raising his hand into the air. Shiny wisps of magic flowed through the air around his fingers. Suddenly, a bodyguard appeared out of thin air and bowed to Zhou Yu. “Here Rilan, he’s for you.”

“Aww, come on Zhou Yu I don’t need a body guard! I’m too strong,” Rilan whined, stamping one foot on the ground.

“So what…. You weakling.” Zhou Yu replied, with his mono eyebrow raised.

Rilan socked him on the arm, hard, then pouted. “You jerk. This is no time for insults!”

“Anytime is a good time for insults. Especially when it deals with you.” He laughed and closed his eyes, readying himself for another hit on the arm. But when it didn’t come, he opened them again.

Rilan was running full force down the grassy ridge towards the battle. “Wait!” Zhou Yu cried out loud, his utterance then turned into a yelp of pain as a crossbow bolt struck him in his left arm. Feeling it was the best thing to do, he pulled the crossbow bolt out of his aching arm and felt hot tears coming to his eyes. He tossed it to the side and ran after Rilan. The bodyguard soon followed.

Next thing Zhou Yu knew he was toppling head first down the hill, feet over head, then as he rolled over, head again over feet. He landed with a sickening thud at the bottom of the hill, right at the feet of the commanding officer, of the opposing force.

All the officer could do was laugh.

Zhou Yu took this as his chance, he stood up and quickly, muttered a spell under his breath causing the man to raise high into the air. “This’ll teach you to laugh at me… weakling!” He yelled, diminishing the spell. The man went hurtling towards the ground, faster, faster, just as he was about make a ‘bad’ landing (In fact he was just inches from the soil, so close that he could taste the grass, if he wanted to that is.) Zhou Yu conjured up a bouncy blob that sent the chap flying through the sky once more. “Bye, Bye… you weakling!” He yelled, prancing daintily off. ((Yes, we know he’s weird!!))

He saw Rilan kicking a man in the jaw in distance, so he changed his course to go help her. “Rilan!” Zhou Yu shouted, waving merrily at her as he skipped over.

Rilan shook her head upon seeing the full-grown man skipping towards her. “You Dweeb! Not you…. I was doing so good without you.”

Zhou Yu punched a guy in the face and walked over to Rilan, “Aww! Don’t tell me you’re not happy to see me!?”

The brunette shook her head again, and then turned to another solider. She used her amazing kung-fu skills to wipe the man out. “Heh heh. I’m so good… it scares me.”

“But you’re not as good as me…. WEAKLING!!” Zhou Yu screamed at the top of his lungs. His face grew red as he generated a great mass of wind to create his greatest attack, the Fire Tornado; he sent it hurtling at a huge mass of weaklings (i.e. The bad guys).

The group went spinning through the high winds of the Tornado. Their screams echoed through the small canyon as they were twisted into the fiery part of the cyclone. The Tornado made its way through the skirmish picking up other groups of bad soldiers till all except the allied forces were left.

“Dang that was easy.” Rilan murmured, scratching her scalp. “And to think that could’ve been over that quick.” She sighed and bopped Zhou Yu on the head.

“Hey!” He said.

“Why didn’t you do that in the first place?”

“I don’t know. It seemed more climactic at that point.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. I never thought I would say that…” Rilan put her face in her hands.

“You wanna go grab a bite to eat, or coffee or pizza.”

“Uh…” Rilan began, looking around at the semi empty battlefield and the retreating fighters. “Sure?”

“Good,” Zhou yu responded, as a glowing orb surrounded Rilan and him. Rilan quickly shut her blue eyes and shrieked, when she opened them again, she was right outside Starbucks. Zhou yu ran inside and as quickly as he went in he came back out, carrying two coffees. “Time to orb again!”

Rilan shook her head and groaned; she wasn’t used to this whole teleporting thingy. It made her stomach feel all jumbly and ticklish like she just bottomed out on the first hill of a huge roller coaster. It kinda made her need to use the little girl’s room. “Uh... Zhou Yu can’t we just take the bus?”

“No weakling!” Zhou Yu yelled, quickly setting the orb up again. This time taking the pair made it to Zhou Yu’s house or so he thought. But, he miscalculated and they wound up in a random closet dressed as maids.

“So you can create a giant Tornado, but you can’t get us to your house?” Rilan asked, sarcasm dripping from her words.

But Zhou Yu wasn’t paying attention, he was playing with his feather duster and he was spinning around, making airplane noises. “Zhoom…. Zhoom…” He yelled, then he dropped the duster. “Oh…. Crash! KABOOM.” He picked it up,” I’m sorry, were you talking to me?”

Rilan smacked her forehead and looked down at her ridiculous outfit. “Eww! It has Frills! I hate FRILLS AND ANYTHING PRETTY OR SHINY OR GLITTERY OR PINK! I HATE THAT STUPID FAIRY TINKERBELLE TOO!” She yelped evilly tearing the frilly part off her dress. She tossed it behind her, smacking Zhou Yu in the head.

“Well, I happen to like frills. They are pretty.” Zhou Yu whispered, wiping the thrown frills from his face. “How about we get out of here, huh?”

Rilan’s face was all red as she started to calm down. “Yeah…” Was all she could say.

The orb encompassed the two again. Finally, they reached the intended target, Zhou Yu’s house. They landed in his kitchen.

“Yay! We’re here! Home Sweet Home!” Zhou Yu said, once more in his battle clothes.

Rilan plopped down into a chair and rested her head against the table. “It’s hard to believe that just a few minutes ago we were battling for our lives. And now we’re here…. In your kitchen. I need something to drink.”

“Coming right up!” Zhou Yu opened up the fridge door and pulled out the ice tea. He set it on the counter, pulled out a purple barney cup and poured the tea into the cup. He then placed a handful of ice cubes into the cup. “Here you go!” He said, hopping over to place the drink in front of Rilan.

She took one look at it and screamed. “FOUR ICE CUBES! YOU IDIOT! I ONLY LIKE THREE, NOT FOUR, NOT FIVE, NOT TWO, THREE ICE CUBES! ARE YOU REALLY THAT DUMB? WAIT SCRATCH THAT…. YOU ARE!”

Zhou Yu fell backwards, into the trashcan, butt first. “Rilan, you’re scary when you’re angry. Your face puffs up like a monkey.”

“WHY I OTTA!” Rilan retorted, brandishing her fists.

Zhou Yu screamed like a little girl, then got up and ran as fast as he could with a trashcan attached to his butt. It wouldn’t come off!

“You idiot! TRASHCANS ARE FOR TRASH NOT BUTTS!” Rilan screeched, running after Zhou Yu up the stairs.

“RILAN! You are scary! Go Away! Go away!” Zhou Yu squealed, batting his hands at the screaming woman he called his friend. Suddenly, he tripped on the top stair and came crashing back down on top of Rilan, suffocating her with the trashcan.

“Zh- Zh- Aw….” Rilan struggled to push the heavy bulk off her chest, but found she couldn’t.

Zhou Yu sat pleasantly with his bottom still snug in the trash can, oblivious to the fact that his ‘seat’ was on top of Rilan and the foot rests he was using were actually her knees. “Oh Rilan!” He called, looking around. “Where are you? I could’ve sworn that she was chasing me.”

“I-I-I’m cough cough down here… d-d-d-ummy,” Rilan said, nearly choking. She was beginning to see stars around her lines of vision because she couldn’t get enough air into her lungs. (We all know why!)

“Where’s down here? I heard you Rilan!” Zhou Yu said, trying to stand up.

“Oof! That….”

Zhou Yu used his friend’s legs to stand up; when he was fully up, he shook himself causing the trashcan to become unlodged from his rear and hit poor Rilan in the face, knocking her unconscious. Zhou Yu turned around to look at Rilan. “There you are! Why are you taking a nap? And why is there a huge bump on your head? Rilan?” He asked, picking up the trashcan and tossing it to the side.

Zhou Yu shrugged and picked up the lifeless woman to bring her to the couch. He set her down lightly then covered her with a blanket, next he ran into the kitchen for an ice pack. He quickly came back and rested the ice pack on Rilan’s stinging head.

“Ohhh…. What happened?” Rilan questioned, opening her eyes little by little. She smiled at Zhou Yu, something totally out of character. “And why is there and ice pack on my head?”

“I don’t know. I stood up and you were unconscious.” Zhou Yu answered, sitting back on the couch arm.

“Oh yeah… that’s right…. YOU HIT ME WITH THE TRASHCAN! YOU IDIOT! THAT HURT!!” The blue eyed girl with the beat up body shot back, her eyes gleamed with anger, so much in fact that it seemed little fires were raging in them.

“I didn’t hit you with the can! It flew off my butt!”

“OH YEAH?”

Zhou Yu nodded, rubbing his still sore butt to prove his point. “It hurts.”

Rilan growled in return and shot up from the couch. “ZHOU YU! YOU’RE DEAD MEAT! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!”

The sissy man screamed again and ran into the laundry room and locked the door. “You can’t get me!” He cried.

“You forgot I can do KUNG FU!” She kicked down the door, and emerged inside the room. She looked around. “Zhou Yu!” She sang, an evil look appeared on her face. “Where are you?”

Zhou Yu cowered in fear inside the dryer (How he fit in there I don’t know…. I guess he’s a contortionist.) “Please don’t find me…. Please… Please….” He thought, putting his head between his knees.

Suddenly the Dryer door opened and Rilan’s angry face appeared at the opening. “Found you….!” She muttered, reaching out a hand to grab him.

The trapped man began bawling like a baby. “Please don’t hurt me! Please!”

Rilan pulled him fast out of the dryer and threw him on the ground. “You should’ve thought about that before you hurt ME!”

“Mommy…..!”

“Your mommy can’t help you now!”

Zhou Yu ran out of the room, starting the chase again, but this time he ran for the front door. He threw the door open, just as Rilan grabbed his throat. A man was standing on the front stoop. “H-hello…. Sir….”

The man outside the door didn’t seem to notice the hand wrapped around Zhou Yu’s neck, suffocating him. “Hello my name is Espano Dormando Ricardo Vensuelo Joe Escaban Pablo the third, but you can just call me Joe the third. Ha ha ha! I am here to help you fight with my sword of justice! Ha ha ha ha!”

A sweat drop appeared on Zhou Yu’s head. “Okay….”

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Ha ha ha ha! That was so weird and yet… surprisingly funny. I kinda feel sorry for Zhou Yu. Anyway, Austin and I hope you enjoyed our little chapter. Please review, we would like that very much!!

What will happen next? And who is this Joe the Third guy? Will Rilan actually kill Zhou Yu or Joe the third? Find out next time on The Last People You Want As Your Saviors chapter 2!