In Over Your Head, a Romance fanfic

In Over My Head

My duty as a best friend is more than being a shoulder to cry on. When things get tough, you get tougher, that’s what I always told my best friend. Something she was used to hearing from me each night when I told her that, she would laugh. Her worried filled voice made me regret taking this path at times. But each night, cuddled up with my body pillow because I didn’t have her, I would reassure her that everything was fine. My job has taken me more than 5,000 miles apart from my baby and it still pains me for making this choice.

A while back she called to tell me she found a guy she liked. I told her to do whatever she pleased. I could hear the hurt resting heavily in her silky voice but I was too hurt in my own mind to care. A few words later and I had hung up the phone; our conversation went downhill, ending up with the two of us in tears. Only nine weeks back I had promised I would return home in time for Christmas to see her and the family. Now I wasn’t sure if I was going to even go back. I had a week left before Christmas came and I had a feeling of dread resting at the bottom of my soul. Even though lights shone brightly and the stores had long lines for those buying gifts towards last minute did not excite me. I had gotten her gift back at the end of November, and paid a beauty dollar for it as well. A ruby ring with tiny diamonds encrusted in the band; an engagement ring for my lover.

I twirled the phone cord around my right index finger, wondering, thinking. Was it worth calling her right now? It was late where she was living and I was sure she was having a steamy moment with her boyfriend. And besides, we were still angry at each other for what was said. My dark and sullen eyes darted around the room, something feeling missing within the apartment. My eyes roamed over the dark figures of the things I uprooted from our house. These things are the memories of something I lost long ago.

The phone rang in my hands and I merely glanced down. Your name flashed on the caller id and I wondered if I should pick up. Another ring pierced my already thumping eardrums. I licked my licks and clicked the TALK button. Smooth, tasteless words flowed from my lips, making me seem distracted and disconnected from her voice. Her voice was strained, almost pained sounding to my sore ears. In return, my voice was cold, the words icy and came with a biting chill.

She whispered something lowly and in a tone I couldn’t detect. I sighed heavily and opened my mouth again; only to lose the words I was going to speak. My lips seemed insanely dry and cracked as I ran my tongue over them again.

Afraid. The word whispered itself in my mind as I glanced around the room. I heard her voice humming in my ears, not really paying attention to what she was saying. A click in my ear signaled me she hung up. I sighed, putting the phone back down on its cradle and curling up, knees drawn in close to my chest. It was nights like this that were the longest in history.

She sat for the longest time staring towards the phone. The voice was disconnected from the thoughts, that much she could tell. Her heart was breaking every night she called and it was tearing her apart inside. She couldn’t handle making another call like this. Tonight was the worse so far; not a single word had been spoken on the other line. She became angry and said some things that were hurtful. But it was the same routine over and over again, almost every night. Neither one of them could talk to each other without saying something nasty to the other.

A heavy sigh emitted from her peach looking lips and her eyes turned downcast. Things haven’t been going so good lately and she wanted her best friend to know. She rolled back against the wall and stared sideways towards the ceiling. She had lied ‘bout finding a new boyfriend, she just wanted to make her best friend jealous.

She fingered the cell phone that was deep in her jeans pocket. She kept it on at all times for her best friend. It was something they started when they departed. She kept her phone on at all times, just in case her best friend decided to call her in the middle of the night. But lately, she figured she wouldn’t need it on anymore. Sliding the sleek phone from her pocket, she flipped it open and hit the OFF button. Since her best friend wasn’t talking to her, she didn’t see the need to keep the phone on anymore.

She rolled onto her stomach, bunching the pillow up underneath her narrow chin, taking long, even breaths of air. Slowly her chocolate brown eyes fluttered close, black eyelashes resting peacefully against pale cheeks.

I stared at the digital alarm clock that read 3:45 A.M., and I could hear my cell phone vibrating, letting me know I had a phone call. I sat up on my elbows in a sleepy manner, wondering who was calling me. The blue reflected off my pale face as I flipped the phone open to stare at my boss’s name across the screen. I sighed heavily and took the call, knowing it was my job as a paramedic. After a few moments, I shut the phone and swung my long legs over the side of my bed. Stuffing my feet in the shoes and yanking the shirt that read ‘Paramedic Unit’ on the back, I stuffed my cell in my pocket. Just in case she decided to call.

My fellow co-worker, ready and rearing to leave and get on the job, met me outside. It was something I needed to do but it was the very thing that broke Maria’s friendship and mine apart. I ran shaking fingers through my hair nervously as the wailing siren went by dark houses. It made me want that life instead of this one, a stay-at-home mom with two kids and taking them to soccer practice and being a loving wife to a wonderful husband. But there are some things that can’t come true unless you give up something you love.

The ambulance came to a rushing halt and the doors flew open as we piled out. Shouts, the burning fire pressing at our faces, at our backs; this is my life. Orange and red flames licked the house before our eyes. The firefighters were pulling hoses out and spraying water everywhere. The police were standing guard from the pressing neighbors, their lights screaming and flashing across the water. Time came to a slow crawl as I made my way forward. The stretcher was in my hands as I braved the flames with the others. The distant shouts and calls to other firefighters and paramedics coursed through my head but I couldn’t understand them. Something was placed next to us, a tiny girl, bleeding from the severe burns.

“Watch out!” someone shouted from behind me. I glanced up to notice the heavy natural gas smell before the loud explosion.

Her house phone rang at exactly 4:29 AM that morning. Rolling over from her position, she groggily picked up the phone to hear a gruff sounding voice on the other end. “Is this Maria?” the voice had asked and she groggily replied yes. The name sounded familiar as the guy introduced himself and proceeded to go on about what had happened. The static on the line was irrelevant as she gasped at his words. Clicking the phone off, she sat up slowly, falling into a haze. It was like her nightmare coming to life.

She swung her legs over the side of the bed and stuffed them in white tennis shoes, not even bothering to change out of her pajamas. She didn’t care how far she had to drive to reach the one she loved. Grabbing the set of keys and purse, she held the small bundle of clothes and locked the door behind her.

-17 hours later-

She sat down in the ugly green hospital chair. The world was suddenly coming to a crashing halt. A heavyset man stood in front of her, wearing the paramedic blue shirt, bending down to her level to say something. She shook her head quickly, not wanting to hear what was coming from the man’s lips. House blew up, her best friend stood out there in front, trying to help a little girl. Both dead, several others joined them in heaven.

‘Such strange words,’ she thought, her head rolling back and tears falling to the floor. Her eyes glazed slightly as the man took a hold of her forearms and pulled her to her feet. Several doctors rushed to her side as her knees gave out and she crashed to the floor.

“Gone, gone, gone,” she whispered, tremors flooding her senses. It couldn’t be true, these men who was telling her this were all lying to her face. Her best friend was still alive, no matter what they said. As she was led forward to a private room, she glanced to the side to find a door to another room open. Her eyes widened in realization that it was her best friend.

The funeral was small and silent as she sat in the front row. Many friends of hers had come, firefighters, her paramedics unit, and friends and family. It was a large funeral and she was surrounded by everyone her best friend loved and cared about.

She sat by herself, refusing those who wanted to sit next to her. An empty seat sat to her left and right and she hung her head. Her hands were folding in her lap for once, instead of moving around and constantly twitching. One week since the accident, by that time she had gone to her best friend’s house to start going through things. When everyone had left her alone to search through things, a tiny black box and a letter came into her sight. She still had the note gripping tightly in her hand as the funeral went on.

Maria,

I loved you and I always will. Sorry this’ll be late.

Love you always! April

As she watched everyone stand to go towards the casket, a twinge of guilt flooded her heart. Slowly she stood, ignoring the sad and pitting looks everyone gave her as she made her way forward. She bent forward, the casket was closed due to the massive burns across her best friend’s skin. Pictures of her in her first uniform, her unit together, and one of her and April sat on the top as well. She placed her fingers to the glass and stared sadly at each and every picture.

“You always were in over your head,” she whispered, closing her eyes and letting the tears fall silently.

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