there are times when it’s frightening just
to exist,
moments when i feel like i’m teetering on
the edge
just by standing up. and i never
know what makes me feel that way
in those moments
(such a please-just-end-it-now, don’t-leave-me-here kind of urgent, fearful misery)
– maybe just that
it’s 3:30 in the morning, and i’m alone,
lit by the fluorescent kitchen bulb and the glow of the laptop screen,
but it’s dark outside that window.
and it’s a late-july almost-morning, but i’m cold.
and…
&iwishyouwerehere.

(but,
you’re
not.)