AN: This story is largely inspired by the lyrics of Fall Out Boy, who have been my favourite band for around 3 years now. The lyrics to a lot of their songs are in this story. So, if you recognise one, I didn't write them. I wish I did but they belong to Peter Wentz.

I pressed close against him, slamming him against the cold wall behind us. He looked up at me. His brown clashing violently with my cold, grey ones.

“Kaylee…” He whispered, hot breath hitting the sensitive skin of my neck. His voice was desperate, begging me not to do this. Pleading with me not carry on.

He knew if I did, he would be powerless to stop me. He had always been that way with me. I could do anything to him and he knew it.

“Please…” He dropped his head into the junction where my neck and shoulder met. It hurt so bad to do this to him, but I needed it right now. I needed something to make me feel better.

I faked a smile and pressed my hips into his. And he knew it was hopeless to fight back now. So he looked back up at me, his eyes lost had lost their sparkle.

I kissed him hard on the mouth. No tenderness could pass between us. This meant nothing, nothing except making me forget everything. Everything else that went on with Nathan.

“I love you.” He breathed against my skin. And I felt him freeze against me. Terrified of what I would do now, and how I would react.

I didn’t want him to say that to me. It made it all too real; it was all supposed to be him feeling sorry for me, bending to my every will. That’s what I needed. I only wanted sympathy in the form of him crawling into bed with me.

He was always my tear catcher. Right from the beginning of my somewhat unhealthy relationship with Nathan. I’d go running to him when I cracked from the pressure, and he always welcomed me with open arms.

He caught me off guard when he spoke those words to me. No one had ever told me that before. I was always love’s reject. It never wanted me.

"James…" I clutched hopelessly at the words in my head, scrambling to find the right one, but failing. He must’ve caught the panic in my eyes, because he kissed me again. Shutting out any thoughts I had.

But when he pulled away, he had that same look in his eyes. The eyes I loved so much. The exact look he held before had told me. I braced myself this time for what ever it was he was about to tell me.

“You know…” He started, his breath coming short, fast and loud. “I hate the way you say my name. Like it something secret…” I could see the tears stinging the corners of his eyes.

I looked at him intently, wanting to get across all the feelings in my body. Wanting so desperately to stop what I was doing, “Don’t hate me.” I begged before meeting his lips again.

And this time he didn’t pull back or try to stop me. He just surrendered to me. Letting me lead him wherever I went, and he followed.

---x---

Dear Kaylee,

I love the way your make-up stains my pillowcase. The way it contrasts so violently with the white of the cotton. Sometimes, when you’re gone, I’ll sit there and stare it. Because once you’ve left me, there’s nothing left. Nothing to even give away you’ve been there.

But this time, it’s me that’s breaking first. I’m the one running away. And you’re the one that wakes up alone. But, you have it easier than me. You won’t have the ache in your chest. Because, I know what I am to Kaylee. I always have.

I meant what I said to you last night. I love you. Before you, I used to waste my time dreaming of being alive. Now… Now, I only waste it dreaming of you.

Nathandoesn’t deserve you. He can’t see how perfect you are Lee-lee (I know how much you hate that name.) I might be your accident. But I’m still trying. And that’s more than I can say for him.

Leave him Kay. You don’t need him. You need someone you look after you, to hold you and tell you everything going to be okay. You need someone to love you.

I could be him.

I need to be him Kay.

You smile in your sleep. Sometimes I like to think it’s me that makes you smile. Am I just kidding myself? Feeding myself lies? I hate the way your smile reminds me so much of what I can’t have. It reminds me so much of what he has. And what he ignores. Your smile’s my rope.

So now, I’m sitting here. Writing you hopeless letters knowing that I don’t mean a thing to you. Nothing except a body to help you feel better in the aftermath of Nathan. What are best friends for?

I love you Kaylee.

James.

Thanks, .Lights-x