|No If Anyone Should Ask
Author: karmakaze PM
About a confusing love/hate relationship you're trying to conceal.Rated: Fiction T - English - Poetry - Words: 271 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 08-02-06 - id: 2223274
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
"No" if Anyone Should Ask
I forgot to say "no"
to the feeling of another human being
lying close enough to touch,
holding my hand, eyes closed.
She says nothing, words are unnecessary.
We've always understood one another
through our skewed perceptions
of what we want each other to be.
I'd like to believe, a few more moments,
that this eager, desperate kiss is enough of an apology
for all the confusion every other has brought me,
not merely as foreplay
to long awaited, meaningless sex
that will end with us not speaking
for ages again,
leaving our love and fate up to the mere chance
of mutual loneliness and remembrance
on some random day when it no longer matters to me
why I used to whisper her name to myself
when I felt anything in the world
I wanted to ignore.
I pull away, despite her rapacious pleas.
Were I the decent girl I called myself
when she was the only person to see a salacious side to me
I only wished existed,
I would choke on my feigned sweetness
and confess to her that she's dragged me into some sort of love
dreams and memories won't allow me to escape.
But I can't feel anything but want.
She's opened me to the bitterness
of falling for being hurt.
Now, all I want, is to return the favor
but there's nothing in me that's strong enough
to hurt someone who's hurt me
when only she invokes in me these feelings
a year of her absence allowed me to forget I had.