A/N: The first chapter in the group account! While the more serious collaboration project is being written, read this! To members of aka Meteor-Infinity: feel free to write your own chapters here! To readers: Warning! This may melt your brain-cells due to the craziness of the stories.

Chapter 1- aka Providence- the cook. (True story and several other pointlessness.)… Plus the horoscope for the stereotypical adventurer. by aka Providence

Let’s see… Oh, before I start rambling on pointless and/or funny things in my past, be reminded, reader, that I would try to be informal in my writing today (Keyword: Try. I’m used to more serious, violent, or dark stories so bear with me)

Okaaay… From what I could remember, It was summer. Definitely summer, due to the scorching heat of the sun and lack of things to do that doesn’t involve sweating a lot. My parents have work and m sister was already in college, her schedule of classes still ongoing even in the summer. I would usually be alone for the afternoon inside, but that day my sister had no classes which meant that she would be playing the Sims until she became sleepy (let’s say approx nine hours.)

It was a month before I began my fourth year in high school. I didn’t do writing as a hobby or an ambition yet, plus my PS2 was broken and had no chance of repair with my growing lack of interest in video games. And so the yet to be author aka Providence indulged in his pastime when he was third year high school… PORN!

It had started with be being exposed to boobies(always wanted to say that nn), after flipping through a calendar catalogue which led me to see a topless woman and her boobies(nn can’t help but laugh whenever I type boobies XD.)

Anyway after a record of being caught watching porn for a number of… let’s say over ten times; I’m proud(?) to say that I could no longer get caught. Even with the problems of an open door with my back facing it, I have developed the uncanny ability to detect any noise caused by a footstep in my house. So whenever I would hear the noise of footsteps, I would close the internet window, clear the history, and act as if I’m playing the virtual pinball; all in less than ten seconds.

Since my sis is a late at waking up, and me being a person who wakes up early despite sleeping late, I got the chance to use the internet and watch PORN! Before I quit watching the thing, I used to have an extensive collection; thousands of picture, seen, save, and drooled over. A mountain of pirated CDs, and several adult mags.

We’re getting off topic here, long story short on the porn: I came, I saw, I conquered (not necessarily in that order nn… kidding?)

Anyway, when my sis woke up, I already had it on the sims since she’d always ask me to put it there so it would be faster. The time was 10:45 AM something, my turn to cook.

I turn on the TV before I go cook, since I could easily watch anything from where I stand when I cook. A rerun of WWE Wrestling. I knew that wrestling was fake ever since I was a kid, but during those days to the present, I have been watching wrestling for the violence and crazy storylines(one thing that anime and wrestling have in common is that anything can happen.) Plus, you could see about any character you could think of: Leprechauns, men eating worms, crossdressers, vampires, clowns, and male cheerleaders.

Male. Cheerleaders. Five of them. Wrestling on the ring. As male cheerleaders. Well, hell now! It fuels my sisters opinion that wrestling is gay, as quoted by a comedian (can’t remember who and the exact quote) “Wrestling’s the gayest thing I see. Half-naked men in tights and oil fighting for a belt!” Hmmm… maybe. Tama naman yata yun.

Really off-topic now. Let’s go to the topic stated in the title: cooking. I’m not that bad of a cook, I can cook rice, fry food, and uhhh… open cans! That was the time I decided the meal for that day: Corned Beef! (until the time when I knew that the corned in corned beef meant preserved, I always though there was super-ground corn in the beef.

Put oil in the frying pan, check. Open can of corned beef, check. Drink of coke while cooking, one moment… I open the fridge and see something interesting: my Dad’s bottle of brandy. My Dad only drank only one mini-cup of it daily, though I’m always trying to get out of him due to his age (at least he never doesn’t drink beer nn)

Didn’t they put alcoholic drinks in those cooking shows? A crazy voice in my head said, looking at the brown bottle of liquid in my hand. I never liked the taste, not sure about that when I’m older, but I’m really curious back then (still am.)

Pouring a small amount on the cap of the bottle, and then I waited until the cooking oil began to boil after setting the stove on ‘high.’ Without hesitation, I pour the liquid on the frying pan the same time I dump the beef.

I can’t remember what I said first then, “HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!” or “IT’S BURNING!” It was crazy. The tower of fire was at least four feet, igniting as the liquor hit the surface of the boiling oil first. There was also smoke, lot’s of smoke, and the smell of burning beef. (mmm… beef…)

As quickly as possible I wobble to the water dispenser of the house, not thinking that I could have used the nearby faucet or dumped the remaining coke in the towering inferno. Also, a complication on my lower back made it impossible to run; so there I was, walking over to the water dispenser with a mug of coke in hand. I quickly try to put as much water in the mug, but in a stroke of luck when I turned off the stove before running, saw the fire die out quickly like how it appeared.

The beef was burnt, a black lump of matter made of meat, oil, and liquor. It took me at least thirty minutes scraping the black ash from the pan, and several more minutes to start cooking again.

“Omelet’s?” My sister asked, who I informed earlier that I was cooking corned beef. Due to the fact that she was listening to music on the computer with headphones, the sound of sizzling fire and my cursing was inaudible in the second floor. I gave a weak reply, stating that “the cat stole the beef,” but was forgotten as we both ate the omelets with rice.

And so reader, do you know what the moral of this pointless story is? Moral: Lower the volumes of your earphone’s so you could hear the scream of someone who encounters a fiery inferno while cooking nn.

Before we end this story, let’s listen to aka Providence’s horoscope for the stereotypical adventurer.

Horoscope for the day: Today would be a day where you would be given a pointless errand by your chieftain/elder/mayor (depends on your civilization.) It would most likely be a useless item, like a mysteriously colored feather, or an egg, or better yet a pink seashell with a fake jewel; to be delivered to a nearby town/city/village, where there would be a low-level critter infested forest. Bring an ally, your best friend recommended since you may be facing a suspiciously large mini-boss. If by any chance you encounter a band of “mysterious travelers” you could hide and keep quiet, or encounter them and badmouth their boss(choice number two is only effective if the boss is a silent type, while his right hand man is an ill-tempered brute/tomboy). Upon delivering the pointless item, don’t try expecting your village to be in one piece, as most likely a demonic army destroyed them, or the mysterious group you encounter levels the place. Expect the coming days ahead to be one of level-ups, introduction to magic systems, encounters with anti-heroes, and shameless plot twists. nn

--Chapter 1 fin—

--Can’t believe I double posted, this one and AH…