|The Gunhaver Saga
Author: S. Perry PM
An epic tale that stretchs through space as well as dimensions! Time too I guess. Started out as a farce of Stephen Kings Darktower series, but those books bored me to much to get past the fourth one. So its pretty much gonna be all original.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,689 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 10-23-06 - Published: 08-13-06 - id: 2229467
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A small Dachshund was sitting in front of a large monitor, surrounded by radars and blinking buttons. He seemed to be examining the monitor closely. The radar near him beeped and he turned his head to look at it. Three small dots on the radar appeared, and then blinked towards the center of it. The dog grabbed a small notepad and started jotting down notes. (It was a pen made for small paws. Don't ask.) As the dots disappeared, he shut down the monitor and ran through a metal door. He raced down a long narrow hallway, passing several Brachiosaurus and Triceratops wearing lab coats. He stopped in front of a reception desk, with a plump Stegosaurus behind it. It was wearing small wire rimmed glasses and seemed to be on the phone (For the sake of an easy narrative, lets assume all these devices work with dinosaur and doggy paws). It noticed the dog, and hurriedly ended its conversation and hung up. "yes? How can I help you?" Stegosauri were not known as the most intelligent kind of dinosaur, and tended to get distracted very easily. It grabbed a pen and started trying to eat it.
"Have you seen Rex? I have some very important information for him." The Dog intoned.
"Rex? I think he's in the exercise room." The Stegosaurus, deciding the pen wasn't edible, put it back down.
"Thanks. Do you know how I would get there?"
The Stegosaurus fell asleep, and started drooling.
The dog moved its stubby little legs towards a map posted on the wall, and then hurried down a southern hallway.
Predasaurus Rex wiped his massive brow. He was a large T-rex, and was currently lifting gigantic weights, surely weighing in the thousands. He got up and looked at a mirror placed on the wall. In his Austrian-like accent, he said "Ya, with these kinds of muscles the ladies will make sexy with me for sure!" He kissed his biceps, (that was just the kind of guy he was) and strutted off towards the towel rack.
"'Scuse me!" said a small voice below Predasaurus Rex. He bent down and saw a tiny dog, sitting on top of his foot. "How is the weather being down there, Luke?" said Rex, thinking himself a clever guy.
"Quite Dinosaur! I got some important information for you!"
Rex picked up Luke and placed him on his shoulder.
"What kind of creature are you again Luke?" asked Rex as he walked out of the room.
"A Dinosaur, just like you, silly!" Barked Luke.
"Well you would haves to be, considering this is the 'Dinosaur Dimensional Police'."
"Yeah!" Said Luke.
"Ya?" Said Rex.
Rex still had his doubts about Luke's species, but he didn't want to offend the little guy.
They reached Rex's room and went inside. Predasaurus Rex put on his favorite red bandanna, and sat down in a ten foot tall armchair. He put Luke down on a little bean bag.
"Can I get you a drinks?" asked Rex, motioning towards his refrigerator.
"Easy Cheese!" Barked Luke.
"I am afraid I don't have any." Sighed Rex. "you knows that does not exist in this dimension."
Luke started licking himself.
"What was so important that you needs telling me?" Asked Rex, reaching inside his fridge and grabbing a beer.
"Yeah! The radar indicated that three people teleported to the 'Old World'."
"You know which dimension they came from?"
"The strangely titled 'Rat Pudding' one!"
"As far as the DDP knows, that one lacks the technology to teleport between realms."
"Well somehow they managed to pull it off."
"Have you tell this to the chief yet?"
"Well, maybe it is for better then. We should see if they mean any harm first."
"Huh?" Luke gave rex an unbelieving stare.
"Just Keeding!" Rex took out a large missile launcher from underneath his bed. "My philosophy always: shoot first."
"And ask questions later?"
"Why? They will be in too many pieces to respond." He shouldered the large gun and grabbed several others.
"Dinosaur!" said Luke excitedly.
"Pack up, little Luke. Today you be experiencing your first mission with the legendary 'Predasaurus'!"
Reynold took a rolled up cigarette out of his pocket and took a long drag on it. Bubble Beard was sitting across from him.
"So you were swallowed by the mythic Devourer of Worlds and you appeared here?"
"Yup! Cthulu sure has a nasty temper for such a big ol' Octo-pussy!" He looked into an imaginary camera. "That joke was for the parents, kids! Don't quote me on it!"
Reynold shifted in his seat uncomfortably. This man really was terrifying in his own way. Crackers was busy rolling around on one of Belindas eyes.
"Lookit me! I should'a joined the circus!" he said, balancing on it. "Instead of joining up with this loon" he motioned towards Bubble Beard.
"I would prefer you not desecrating her body like that." Reynold said angrily. "She was a good horse."
"I ain't desecrating it buddy, I'm digesting it!" The parrot started wooping loudly.
Reynold realized he couldn't take much more of this without losing his sanity, so he hurried the conversation. "You wanted to hear my tale, right?"
"Abso-Friggin-lutely!" Bubble beard stood up suddenly and pointed towards Reynold. "Tell us your tale most brave, o bard!" He started prancing around the room. "Or most depraved, judging by our guest's penchant for violence." he muttered to himself, coming to a halt. "Don't insult our guest!" he shouted at himself. Reynold decided he needed to stop this before Bubble Beard tried to cut his own throat again.
"My story is one that involves not only my own fate, but that of this entire world."
"This should be intresting!" Said Bubble Beard, just as he was reaching for his knife. He plopped down in his seat, and Crackers landed on his hat.
"So who is this much discussed Wizard?" asked Crackers.
"He, like you, is not from this world. Rather he is a refugee from a strange realm they call Dogcatcher. From what I've learned of him, he tried to take over but was defeated. So I assume he fled here to try his hand at conquering again."
"Ya know how he got here then? I would assume that traveling between worlds is not exactly an easy task. Look at us! We had to get eaten!"
"I have no idea. When I was a child, people who crossed the plane were legend and few in number. Nowadays, it seems anybody can do it."
"Something must be pretty screwy here then" said Crackers, leaning on the bumpy part of Bubble Beards hat.
"Yes. I'm afraid that this world is dying. I don't know what that fact has to do with the sudden appearance of so many people from other realms, but I am sure there is a connection." Reynold leaned back in his chair. "Maybe my story will reveal some answers. Judge for yourself." He began into his tale.
Hey fellas! Feel cheated cause you didn't get to hear all of Bubble Beards story? Good reason for that. I'm making it into a SONG! I'll post a link once its recorded. Cross your fingers and stick 'em up your patootie if you can't wait! THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING!