What it takes to live

And where I go from here

Is not something I wish to consider for I consider too little.

The mind jumps from thought to thought

Not a concept of joy or understanding

But I make a choice

Can't you have understood

The heart freezes in a block of frozen fire

Feeling no pain until the ice is chipped

Hold a sliver of feeling and stab you in the chest

Making the blood run fast as thoughts in my head

I throw my head back and laugh

No pain for me, only for you

Pushing the dagger deeper into your chest

Until it passes bone and flesh and hits the wet center of life

Consuming and spreading its blackened hate

Fingers of poisoned earth spread and thicken your veins

It burns and peels at your flesh, unapologetic

No memories here

Nothing until your body consumes itself

In the pain and curls into a flinching ball of madness

And all along I watch you with calm, loving eyes,

Gentle and sweet

The ones you knew and trusted

But a smile of a demon or worse across my lips

And the grin kills you and it eases you into that land of no pain and sleep

Where heavy eyes bring us tumbling to the ground,

Only holding and crying for each others' own pain.

And I will hold you in my arms as I cry for your fading life

And you will not know who I am or why I care

I will twist the knife more deeply but not let you die

Sitting upon this grassy hill of shadow and sun

Ravished in a heartbreak that kills you so many times over

And I will kill you again, my dear

I can guarantee nothing less

But now that you know my secrets of pain

There is more that I an confess

You're dead, my dear,

You died long ago

They laid a flower upon your grave

And I replaced you every time you tried to grow

Look in the mirror, love,

I am like you

In body, vision, and mind

The only difference dear,

Is that you hold something near

While I have everything to hide.

With a bite on the neck

She ripped out the throat

Of her enemy

The one she had loved

And through the blood stains

Was that glorious pain

Still beating and crying with mirth.

The pulse of the veins

Was strong from her heart

A draining, melodious beat

I found it was my own

As my murderer came down

A smile to kill me with pain

How could my sister twist the broken shard so

Killing me with this burning black ice

I was good, pure and learned

To love and trust and be

She betrayed me for everything I was once more

Never knowing that the joy was being killed

So that on pain she could strive

The one way to survive

And never feel the break of the skin

One moment I was weak

Thought it would just be bitter sweet

Until the candies poison kicked in

And now either way

I died in my own arms today

Watching my evil twist the knife.