FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
I can’t really let it go.
I wish I could and I’m trying but I don’t think I will let it go. I think this is too important. Or maybe I’m just really curious and I just want to find out. Maybe I’m just really stubborn. But I can’t let it go.
Now if I can only convince Nathaniel to let me hear his demos. It’s been two days since that night and we haven’t mentioned anything about it. I’ve now seen the ad so many times that I can play it in my head when I close my eyes. I can play the song in my head. It’s consuming me.
I have to hear his demos. I just have to. And quite frankly, I don’t know what the deal is with him refusing to let me hear it. I mean, they’re just songs, right?
But they aren’t just songs, right? Why do I argue and then counter argue? That’s weird.
People feel the way they feel about things and it might seem ridiculous to another person, but it isn’t ridiculous to the person who’s feeling the feelings. I know that. I’ve had that experience.
The one time when I tried to tell someone about it, I realized that it wouldn’t make sense to them. So, except for Dr. Harris, no one knows that I had considered jumping off a building once.
I mean, even when I think of that night sometimes, I shake my head at how silly I had been. But at the same time, I remember what it felt like. I was serious about it. I was really serious about it.
And how does this relate to Nathaniel refusing to let me, or anyone, hear his demos? It doesn’t really, does it? But it does, doesn’t it? Okay, seriously, stop arguing with yourself.
“Riane?” Nathaniel says. I look at him. I’ve been lost in thought and haven’t realized that he approached me.
“Hey,” I say, smiling. We’re at The Conservatory. Nathaniel’s student, Elise, just had her performance and now we’re in this social function room, celebrating the success. The performance was pretty amazing. If I hadn’t known that she is a sixteen year old, I wouldn’t have believed it if someone had told me that a teenager had composed that. Nathaniel’s students really are something.
“Hey, Mr. M!” a boy calls. Nathaniel turns to look at him. The boy approaches. I know this is probably mean, but the boy looks like what people would describe as a “geek”. Freckles, eyeglasses, curly hair, mild acne problem.
“Jeremy! You were good tonight,” Nathaniel says to him.
Jeremy shrugs, “I was a little off beat.” I couldn’t tell.
Nathaniel shakes his head, “You could hardly tell.” You could hardly tell? I give Nathaniel a funny look.
“Tell that to Elise,” Jeremy says, looking miserable.
“She doesn’t seem too upset,” Nathaniel assures him, glancing at Elise who is standing with some other students talking animatedly. Tonight I’ve heard people talk about things that I have no clue about. What the heck is a “harmonic interval”?
“So, can we start working on my piece on Monday?” Jeremy asks.
“I thought you said that you weren’t finished with the third movement…” Nathaniel says to him.
Jeremy shrugs, “Yeah, it’s still pretty crappy. I have some really rad ideas but I’m not really sure how to translate them into music…I think you could really help with that…”
“The work you’ve done so far is really interesting… I’m really looking forward to finding out what those rad ideas are,” Nathaniel says. He looks really enthusiastic. Jeremy smiles at him. Nathaniel’s students really seem to like him. I like seeing him in his element.
“Hi,” Jeremy suddenly says to me. I didn’t know that I had been invisible until he said hi.
“Hi,” I say, smiling.
“You’re his girlfriend, right?” he asks. That’s a bit blunt.
“Yes, I am,” I say, smiling even more.
Nathaniel puts his arm around me and pulls me closer, “You didn’t think I had it in me, did you?”
Jeremy blushes. It’s a shame that a lot of girls his age are in their shallow phase, because I sense that Jeremy could actually be one of those boys you’d be lucky to have as your boyfriend.
“So your piece is up next,” I say to him. He smiles at me shyly.
“Yeah. I just hope it’s not going to suck. Elise’s was brilliant. But she’s brilliant, so what can one expect?” he says. Something in the way he just mentioned the girl, makes me think that cupid must be playing his games.
“I’m sure yours is going to be just as brilliant. What’s it about, anyway?” I ask him.
He goes into this lengthy, technical, very enthusiastic description of what he’s been working on. I nod encouragingly and try my best to look like I actually understand a single word of it. I also ignore Nathaniel’s amused face.
Jeremy is done talking and now he’s looking at me expectantly. I don’t know what I just heard
I smile, “That sounds…uhm…really…uhm…Honestly? I have no clue what you just said. But that’s because I’m a complete idiot when it comes to the technical side of music. But Nate seems to be impressed by your work, so it must be really good.” This makes Jeremy blush and smile and that makes me feel good inside. Another boy calls Jeremy’s name and he excuses himself to walk over to him.
Nathaniel looks at me and still has that amused look on his face, “I thought you were going to pretend that you understood everything he said.”
I scowl at him, “I considered it for a moment, but I knew that you wouldn’t have let me live it down.” This makes Nathaniel laugh.
“That’s true,” he says. I roll my eyes at him.
“You really like doing this, don’t you?” I ask him. He studies me for a few seconds.
“Yes, I do,” he answers. I study him for a few seconds.
“But don’t you ever wish it was you performing your music on stage?” I ask. I don’t think there’s a perfect way to ask him if he’ll let me hear his demos.
He’s still looking at me, but there is this little frown line between his brows. I just want to hear his songs, is that so wrong?
“Sometimes, I suppose, yes,” he answers. There’s something about the way he said that that makes me feel like I’m not completely wrong here. Hm.
I don’t say anything, I just give him a smile.
I wonder if counting sheep actually works. Because it doesn’t work for me. The only thing counting sheep does for me is that I stop at some point and wonder if I miscounted. Which is stupid, right? I sometimes try to do a few meditation exercises but there are times when I’m just about to nod off that I find myself excited about the fact that the exercises are working, that I inevitably feel wide awake again.
“I can hear you thinking,” Nathaniel says in the dark. He slides over and puts his arm around me. I take his hand in mine.
“Will you let me listen to your demos?” I say. Oh fuck, that just slipped out.
I can feel Nathaniel’s body tense up and this makes my body go rigid. It feels like we’re two wooden planks.
“Okay,” he finally says. Okay? Just like that? Okay? I expected more resistance. I turn around so I can look at him.
“Really?” I ask. I think my face looks more shocked than excited. His face looks blank, but it’s dark so I can’t really see his face.
“Yes,” he says. His voice sounds a little flat. It worries me. I feel like I’ve just…no, I just feel confused. Hm.
“Okay,” I say. I hate how unsure my voice sounds. I put my arm around Nathaniel and I bury my head under his chin. I try to inhale him. He suddenly pulls away from me. I look at him in surprise as he gets out of bed and walks out of the bedroom. I feel bewildered. I also have a sick feeling in my stomach. I hear him opening a kitchen cabinet and then the refrigerator. I’m just lying here in bed, unsure what to do.
He comes back to the bedroom, but he doesn’t join me in bed. Instead, he turns the light on and walks over to his closet. He gets out a box, sits down on the foot of the bed and looks through it. He finally takes out what look like cd cases. He turns to look at me and hands me the cases. I don’t reach for them. I just look at him questioningly. He places them on the bed. He puts the box back in the closet. I’m just staring at the cds. Nathaniel is standing there looking at me. I lean forward to take the cases and put them on the night stand.
I look up at him. I have this sick feeling in my stomach. I don’t know what to say to him. Nathaniel finally moves to turn off the lights. He gets into the bed. He’s lying there facing away from me. I feel really sick. I reach out to touch him but I suddenly feel really queasy and I think my dinner is coming back up. I quickly run to the bathroom, shut the door and throw up into the toilet. I take a few deep breaths.
The door opens and I hear Nathaniel ask, “Are you okay?”
“Go away,” I mutter. I always get cranky when I have to throw up. He comes in and kneels down beside me. He puts his hand on my forehead.
“Your skin feels clammy,” he says. I close my eyes and breathe very slowly and very deeply because I can feel another batch trying to make its way out. But I can’t stop it. I throw up again. But nothing comes out.
“Just go away,” I say. I look at him pleading.
He looks at me for a few seconds, “Fine.” He sounds…hurt. But at the moment I don’t care.
I hope I’m not coming down with anything. Could it be food poisoning? I try to think of all the things I’ve eaten today. Nothing out of the ordinary. But there is this bug that’s been going around. And I have been feeling a bit queasy yesterday.
Hey, I don’t feel sick anymore. I flush the toilet and brush my teeth again. I rinse out my mouth with mouthwash. My stomach feels empty. I go back to the bedroom and crawl into my side of the bed.
“Do you feel better?” Nathaniel asks. He’s turned to look at me.
“I’m sorry,” I say to him, leaning over to give him a kiss. He kisses me back. That’s good.
“Good night,” I say. He just gives me a brief smile before he turns to his side, facing away from me. I turn on my side, facing away from him. I look at the three cd cases on the nightstand. I reach for them and hide them under the bed. I close my eyes.
I know this is ridiculous, considering I wanted to hear his demos. I can’t explain it, but something about this seems…like that time I “accidentally” read my grandmother’s journals that she kept when she was a young woman.
I shouldn’t have read them. It was a complete invasion of privacy and I got punished by finding out more than I wanted to know. Now I know things about my grandmother that I can’t talk about with anyone, even my grandmother because she doesn’t know that I know and I don’t want her to know that I know because that would be weirder than that time my parents decided to give me the “talk”.
“Oh my god, Riane he’s so totally eyeing you,” Hannah whispers. Then she giggles. I give her a concerned look. How many margaritas has she ordered already?
In honor of Hannah’s birthday, some girlfriends and I had decided to take her out to a lovely dinner and then some drinks at a popular bar. I’ve stopped drinking anything with alcohol a while ago in the evening, as I think someone has to be sober at the end of the evening to make sure everyone gets home safely. Plus I’m not much of a drinker anyway. Not that my friends knock them back like crazy either. But things can get out of hand.
I try to spot the person Hannah was referring to. But she kicks me under the table.
“Don’t turn around!” she whispers. I frown at her while rubbing my shin. That hurt. Damn those pointy shoes of her.
But I turn around anyway. If she means that gorgeous guy by the bar, then woohoo for me!
“It’s not fair…you have that gorgeous hot boyfriend and gorgeous hot men are ogling you,” Lisa says. I’ve known Lisa as long as I’ve known Hannah. Which seems like a pretty long time.
I laugh, “Come on guys, he was probably looking at someone else.”
“No, he’s definitely looking at you,” Judy says. It’s always strange seeing Judy without Ben. Not that they’re inseparable, I’m just really used to seeing them together.
I look again and this time I catch him looking at me. I smile at him. He smiles back. I think he thinks I’m interested in him. Men are so easy sometimes.
“You slut,” Hannah says, laughing. We all break out in laughter. I’m completely in love with Nathaniel and I wouldn’t think of cheating on him. But once in a while, a girl has to have her fun.
“Who would have thought that our sweet, innocent Riane would have it in her…” Judy says. The girls look at me.
“What?” I ask, I don’t like the way they’re looking at me.
“Come on. That boyfriend of yours…could he be any more perfect?” Hannah says. She’s single (again) at the moment. The other two nod as if agreeing with her.
I don’t want to boast or feel smug or anything for being with Nathaniel. It’s just, when we were in school, these three girls always had the cutest, most popular boys hanging around them. And I was always the weird friend who didn’t go out on dates. I was actually okay with that. I mean, as cute as those boys were, they were pretty immature. In the bad kind of way. Not that I was looking for the bond for life at that age. But I just thought that I’d rather spend time with someone I could talk to than someone who just was interested in getting into my pants.
“Nate is not perfect,” I argue. He isn’t, I’m not going to deny that. But neither am I, so you know. Okay, so even at the risk of sounding completely cheesy here, he does seem perfect for me. And if I spend too much time thinking about that, it’s scary because it makes me want things. The forever kind of things. Forever is scary, isn’t it?
Judy’s clutch suddenly begins to vibrate on the table. She takes out her mobile and answers it.
“Who wants to bet that that’s Ben?” I ask the other two. They smile because we all know that it is probably Ben.
We all become quiet and listen to Judy’s end of the conversation. And I find out that I have become one of those women who can’t seem to get their minds off their men. I’m wondering what Nathaniel’s doing at the moment.
This two apartment thing has its charms. I mean, when we need a little alone time, it’s easy to do that. At the same time it is kind of a nuisance, since we practically live together.
Right, now I remember what I forgot to buy before I came home earlier. Toilet paper! I find the note I made to myself on the dresser. It’s pretty pointless writing notes when you forget about them!
I take off my clothes and half-naked I go to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. The good thing about not drinking too much is that you don’t wake up with a hang-over the next day. I wonder what that feels like, though.
Done with my before-bed- ritual, I walk to the kitchen to get a glass of water. I smile at the two pages that Nathaniel had taken out of “The Lady and The Chocolate” by Edward Monkton and put on my refrigerator. I love his quirky sense of humor.
Hm. I never realized this but my apartment smells different. Not bad different. Just different. I’ve always been fascinated by the smell of places and how different they were. There are scents that are unique to one place. Like the house I grew up in has its own smell. My grandparents’ houses have different smells. Each house and each place has a different smell.
And now my apartment smells like…Nathaniel and me. And his apartment smells the same! Wow. Hm. I drink my glass of water. I’ll probably need to pee again in a few minutes.
I wonder if Nathaniel and I would get a place together, if our place would smell like this. I really am giving this moving-in-together thing a lot of thought lately. The more I catch myself thinking about it, the less scary it seems. And the more I want to do it.
Who would have thought two years ago, that I would be in a healthy relationship and considering things that mean a deep commitment? Certainly not me. I have changed. But I still do walk around half-naked in my apartment. I mean, no one can see me, so who cares? And I think Nathaniel wouldn’t object too much if I did that with him around. Provided we’re alone.
I have become more confident about my body. I will never be super-model thin and you know what? I don’t want to be. I like my “wobbly bits”. I adore Colin Firth. I wonder how Dr. Harris is doing?
I yawn. Well, that’s it. I’m off to bed.
I thought it would be fun to climb into bed with Nathaniel and maybe…did he set his alarm for Saturday morning? I climb over him to turn it off.
“Hmmm…half-naked woman lying on top of me,” Nathaniel says, grabbing my waist. I shriek in surprise. He tumbles me into the mattress and puts his leg over mine.
“Half-naked man on top of me,” I say. I smile up at him. I love starting the morning like this.
“You don’t look like someone who’s crawled in at four in the morning after a night of partying,” Nathaniel says, sliding his fingers into my hair.
“That’s because I was a good girl and came home early,” I say, wiggling underneath him. Hm. We’re just looking at each other and the anticipation is making me even more excited.
“I have to be at The Conservatory at nine,” he says. He looks disappointed. I’d forgotten that he had to be at the orientation for incoming students. It’s really tough getting into the school and those who make it are bound to be the cream of the crop. I don’t really like that expression as it always makes me think of soup.
“Do you want to shower together?” I ask him, smiling seductively.
He smiles, “I’m a lucky man.” I smile back at him. He’s got it wrong. I’m the lucky one here.
When I was little, I used to think that my parent’s marriage was perfect. And I always thought them to be the example of the happily married couple. But as I grew up, I realized that that wasn’t true. In fact, my parents’ marriage is quite flawed.
It’s funny how your perspective of things can change over the years. Things you never noticed before suddenly seem so clear. And things you could happily ignore because you either didn’t understand them or because you still had the ability to block them out suddenly become things that you can’t escape anymore.
I’m bored. I could call one of my friends and ask them if they want to do something but I don’t really feel like it. The Internet holds no appeal. Not right now anyway. Both apartments are pretty clean and I don’t really feel like doing windows now. Don’t feel like reading or watching TV. I could bake a cake, except I don’t think I have all the ingredients. I should give Patrick a call. I haven’t heard from him in a while.
I could listen to Nathaniel’s demos and get it over with.
Strange how something I wanted so much has now become something I’m trying to avoid.
Okay, now I’m just being silly. And unnecessarily dramatic. I mean, they’re just songs. I am just being a silly little idiot.
I quickly go to Nathaniel’s apartment to get the cds. Just as quickly I get back to my apartment. This is it. I feel like I should listen to them in a quiet, private place. A place where I can be completely alone. Somewhere dramatic. Maybe I should go up to the roof top.
I shake my head at myself. Here I go again. Making something more dramatic than it is. I mean, they’re just songs. Nathaniel’s songs, yes. But they’re just songs.
I look at the three cds. All in all there are fifteen songs. Six four five. He’s put in sleeve notes with the title of the tracks. I can’t decide which cd I want to listen to first. All the titles sound intriguing. I put the cd with the six songs in first.
Somehow I can’t bear listening to the songs out loud. I plug in my earphones. I press play. There’s this brief moment of nothing and then, I hear his song.
When the cd finishes, I put in the next one. And when that one is done I put in the last one.
I’ve now heard all the songs. And I feel…I feel…
I guess everyone had that moment when they found themselves completely disappointed by an artist they like because one of their songs is just crap. Okay, so not exactly crap but they just don’t like the song. I’ve had moments like that and I’ve always felt bad when I did because for some reason I felt like I was being disloyal to the artist. Not that I have an obligation to like every song they make. Nor do they have an obligation to always make songs that I like. It doesn’t work that way. But I just don’t like the disappointment. I just don’t. I’m weird. I know that.
And sometimes, when I really, really, really like an artist, so much in fact that I could almost be considered a fanatic, I always tell myself that the next new song I hear from them is the one that’s going to disappoint me. It’s a self-preservation thing. If I already expect to be disappointed, then it won’t be that bad when I actually do get disappointed. Amazingly, none of the artists I really, really, really like have disappointed me thus far. Which only makes it worse, because I keep anticipating the day that they do disappoint me. Sometimes I’m just too neurotic for my own good.
Funny thing though, I didn’t switch to self-preservation about-to-be-disappointed mode when I started listening to Nathaniel’s song. The mode was off. I don’t know why. I mean, if there was one time when I really, really, really needed it to be on it was that time.
And here I am, vulnerable, completely open for disappointment and…I don’t know how to tell Nathaniel.
I mean, how can I convey to Nathaniel how much I love his songs without sounding like I’m just being an encouraging, supportive girlfriend? Because I’m not being a supportive encouraging girlfriend. The songs are absolutely brilliant! I absolutely love them! And part of me is in shock because somewhere in my head I’m going, “That’s my boyfriend!”
I mean, if he had been a person I didn’t know personally, I’d be completely obsessed and in love with him right now just because of the songs. They are absolutely brilliant.
And absolutely heartbreaking. Anyone who would listen to them, who didn’t know Nathaniel, would think that he is this tortured, broken soul. And while I was listening to them, and I know Nathaniel intimately, I realized that this was his emotional state at that time in his life and it’s shockingly personal that it reveals so much about him.
I think I understand now why he didn’t want anyone to hear his songs. Because if they were my songs and I knew that someone was listening to them, I would feel like I’m letting them see me naked and at my most vulnerable. It’s the kind of stuff you put in private journals because you never think that anybody would ever find out.
I’ve always liked the kind of songs that sounded personal and genuine. There is something fascinating about songs like that. There are artists though that try to write songs like that but all they do is come off as pretentious and look-at-me-and-my-big-bleeding-heart-crying-out-for-your-attention.
I guess the artists who do put out genuine personal music must have gotten some perspective and personal distance from the songs in order for them to bear the fact that they’re letting people in for a glimpse of the secret thoughts in their heads.
What am I doing? I’m not making any sense, not even to myself.
I just don’t know how to tell Nathaniel that his songs are too beautiful to hide from the world. I just feel like I don’t have the right credibility to do that. I mean, I am his girlfriend and I love him so I might not be considered the most objective person in this matter. Although I do think I am being pretty objective here. I’d like to think that I would have been able to say that I hated his songs if they had been terrible. I really like to think that. I’m glad that they’re actually brilliant.
I listen to them again and again and again and again. I can even sing a few lines from a few songs.
They’re intoxicating. I am drunk on Nathaniel’s songs. It’s a wonderful feeling.
“This is really lovely, Nate,” I say to him. We’re having dinner at a nice restaurant. I didn’t know about this. Nathaniel came home and asked me if I wanted to have dinner with him, which was a strange little moment because it felt like he was asking me out on a date. He was asking me on a date. And here we are, wearing nice clothes, eating delicious food, enjoying the evening.
Nathaniel smiles at me, “We haven’t had a proper date in a while.”
I roll my eyes, “The way you say it makes it sound like we’ve become one of those couples that have been together so long that they’ve become set in their ways.”
He looks completely serious as he says, “It does sometimes feel like we’re one of those couples.”
“Idiot,” I say, affectionately. This is actually really…romantic. Sure, in a cliché-y sort of way but it’s still romantic.
When we arrived earlier, I saw some women giving him the eye. He is a good-looking guy and there is something about him that makes you want to take a second look. I mean, I’ve been fascinated by him the first day that I met him and I didn’t even realize it. Which was a blessing of sorts because if I had been aware that I was attracted to him, our encounters would have been much more awkward.
“Do you know that guy?” Nathaniel suddenly asks. I look at him quizzically.
“Who?” I ask. He surreptitiously points at someone sitting at a nearby table. I surreptitiously take a look. The man looks familiar but I can’t place him.
“I don’t know, he looks familiar. Why?” I say to Nathaniel.
Nathaniel frowns a little, “He’s been looking at you all evening.” Something about the way he just said that…oh my god…dare I think it? I can’t help it, I smile.
“What?“ he asks. It’s probably not true but I like the thought. It’s…exciting.
“Nothing,” I say to him. I can’t wipe the smile off of my face. I glance at the table again and this time we catch each other looking. I know that face. The man smiles at me. I give him a puzzled smile back. I know him…oh my god that’s…Ryan Brent. I watch him stand up and walk over.
“Ryan Brent?” I greet him.
“Riane Connors,” he says, smiling. I stand up and I’m not quite sure how to proceed. But he takes care of that as he gives me a hug. Which is a bit weird, but okay.
“I thought you looked familiar,” I say to him as he releases me from the hug.
“I wasn’t really sure if it was you,” he says to me. I look at him and it’s amazing how much he’s changed since the last time I’ve seen him and how much has stayed the same.
“I know what you mean,” I say to him. The whole time I’m aware that Nathaniel is observing all this with a stoic look on his face. Ryan looks at him briefly.
“I’m sorry…where are my manners? Ryan, this is Nathaniel Matthews, my…boyfriend. Nathaniel this is Ryan Brent, we know each other from school,” I say. I’m never really sure who to introduce to whom first. But who cares at the moment.
Nathaniel gets up and shakes Ryan’s hand, “Nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you too,” Ryan responds. I just realized that these two guys have seen me naked. This is…strange.
We talk for a few minutes and then Ryan goes back to his table. It’s kind of nice to see him again.
I smile at Nathaniel. He looks at me thoughtfully. I look at him quizzically. He just gives a tiny shake of his head. Hm.
We finish dinner, have dessert and then pay and leave the restaurant.
We’re now walking to a nearby gallery that has an exhibition of artworks by this woman, Gail Salinn. Nathaniel mentioned it to me a few days ago and I told him that I would love to see her art. I’m not that familiar with her, but I’ve seen a few of her pieces and they did look interesting. Gail Salinn is one of the true eccentrics. I guess in some way all artists are eccentrics. But she spent a year in her basement because she wanted to rid herself of the noise of the world. I’m not going to say she’s crazy…but…well.
As we walk into the gallery, we’re immediately arrested by the first piece we see. It’s this crazy mosaic made up of…stuff. I step closer for a better look and I notice that it’s made up of small toys. Interesting.
“It’s a fetus,” Nathaniel suddenly says. I turn to look at him and he’s standing a few feet away from the piece.
“What?” I say as I walk towards him. As I reach him, he just points at the piece. Now I can see it too. Wow. The central image is a fetus. That’s amazing.
We walk over to the next piece. I just noticed that there are arrows on the floor that point from one piece to another. We’re supposed to see the artworks in a certain order. I leave Nathaniel for a moment to get a guide that’s at the reception table. I was right, there is a theme to the whole exhibition. “Life Cycle” it’s called.
As I join Nathaniel again and as we walk on to look at the pieces in order, I find myself more and more amazed by Gail Salinn’s talent. She has also put in little verses with some of the pieces.
We’ve now gone through childhood and now we’re looking at adolescence. We’re looking at once piece that’s so blatantly about…sex. I’m actually blushing. I quickly walk over to the next piece.
“You’re blushing,” Nathaniel whispers in my ear, as he joins me at the next piece. I scowl at him. This only makes him laugh.
We continue on our “journey”. I just realized that we’ve been walking in a spiral, towards a center. Very clever how they did that. Or maybe that’s part of the artwork. I don’t know. I wouldn’t call her art very uplifting. Sure, it’s about life but there just seems to be a moodiness about it. I actually like that about it.
We’re now about to see the last piece. To do that we have to walk into an area at the middle of the gallery that’s been enclosed by free standing walls. We walk inside and what I see just makes me stop.
It’s this large painting on the floor surrounded by…photographs of the same image. At the bottom of the painting you can just see a pair of feet. It’s actually only the toes that you see. And the rest is just a drop down a very, very, very tall building.
“Wow. I actually feel a little dizzy,” Nathaniel comments. I know what he means. I don’t know how she’s done it but standing here, looking down at the painting, it feels like standing on top of the building looking down at the ground far, far below. This is surreal.
“If I fall, the ground will come nearer and neared, until I see it no more,” Nathaniel suddenly says. I look at him. He points at a piece of paper. I read the words again. This is really surreal. Goosebumps are forming on my arms. I look at the painting again. It makes me want to confess things.
I untangle myself from him and sit up to look down at him. Which is stupid because the room is dark and I can’t see him. I crawl over him to turn on the lamp on the nightstand.
I look down at him. I know that he wants to know what I think of them. I don’t know how to say it.
“They’re fucking brilliant,” I whisper. He doesn’t say anything.
“And I think I have to hate you for being so…fucking brilliant,” I say. I shake my head at him.
He smiles and I can’t take my eyes off of him.
“You’re not just being my girlfriend?” he asks, taking my face in his hands.
I smile at him, “I’m not just being your girlfriend.”
“You really like them…” he says. It’s so sweet how insecure he seems. I lean down and give him a kiss on the lips.
“I want to marry them and have their children,” I say. I frown. That’s a weird thing to say. But he laughs. I settle back on his chest. It’s nice like this.
“I would have been crushed if you didn’t like them,” he says, hugging me close. I snuggle closer.
“Me too,” I say. I feel his laughter and my toes curl. Hm.
I have to do something about this.
“Nate?” I whisper.
“Yes?” he whispers back. He’s nuzzling my ear. Hm.
“Thank you,” I say. He stops nuzzling my ear and looks at me.
His face looks so dear and so serious, “I really, really wanted you to like them.”
I kiss him on the mouth in reply.
Harper Bell, one of my lovely reviewers, wrote something in her last review that made me smile. She wrote that the story somehow reminded her of reality TV and that even though nothing interesting is happening, she just wants to check in with Riane and Nathaniel and see how they're doing.
That's sort of the intention of this "story". There isn't going to be this great plot twist or an exciting climax (or maybe there is?). This is just going to be a quiet little story about Riane and her life and what's going on in her head as she's living it.
And emsaculate the masculine has mentioned the song "If You Fall" by Azure Ray. I've never heard of them (sorry) but I have looked up the lyrics and the song does seem to fit the story.
Anyway, as I mentioned a few times before, I'm doing this mainly to entertain myself but thank you for enjoying it too.
I've already started on the next one as I'm posting this.