When you fall in love, the world changes. The only things that matter are those things that make you happy, and you appreciate everything that you have. My mom used to tell me that I’d know I was in love when I started to look at everything in a different way—the stars would be brighter, the grass greener; you would begin to notice things around you that you didn’t even think about in normal circumstances.

I did fall in love, and I knew that my mom was right. The world no longer had the power to plague my world with stress and discontent—all that mattered was that I had someone in my life that understood me and loved me for who I truly was. People told me that had never seen me happier in my life—I was always smiling; always ready to face whatever came my way. This boy gave me butterflies every time I even thought about him, and when we were apart, I wanted nothing more than to be at his side. I could trust him with my secrets, and he could trust me with his. It was a bond that I had never established in any other relationship before. He was different than all the others, and I was so blessed to have found him. I kept telling myself that it was too good to be true. Apparently it was.

This boy’s heart already belonged to someone else. He broke up with me because he had never fallen out of love with the one that came before me. A year has come and gone, and his heart has never let go of her, as mine did not want to let go of him. I tried to hold on—I did everything in my power to try and show him how much I cared; that I was a better choice. However, those efforts got me nowhere. Love does funny things to people—it blinds you and refuses to let you see reality. When a person falls in love, they become a captive to it. That boy was a captive to someone else, as I was a captive to him. It’s all part of a vicious process that spares no one. Everyone feels this pain at one time or another.

Despite the fact that I had to move on, and the fact that the boy is still in love with the other girl, a part of me is still left with that boy. I am now on the search to find someone to fill that hole he made for himself in my heart. I had fallen in love, and felt I had everything I needed. The vicious process has begun again. It’s back to filing through the hoards of guys who are just looking for action, who tell you they love you after seeing you two times in their life; who are too closed-minded, too forward, too reserved—all the ones who are exact opposites of everything you’re looking for.

The hardest part about losing a relationship like the one I had is that you don’t know where or how to begin looking for that again. You feel betrayed—you feel that an attempt at trusting each new guy is another setup for heartbreak. I have to keep telling myself that eventually that right one will appear in my life. He may not exactly ride up on a white horse with roses or anything, but he’ll be just perfect enough. He’ll understand me, and accept me despite all of the faults I have made along the way. He’ll be the one that I run to when I need security, and I’ll never wish for anything else. One of these times, he WILL be the guy.

But for the time being, here I am, trying to fall out of love and start again… when will it be MY day? When will I finally be able to look in the mirror and say, “Wow, you’ve finally found him?” I really am starting to wonder…