I breathe.
Inhale ghosts and exhale warmth.
Breathe again
And have nothing left but coldness

We had an agreement.
Don’t ask, don’t tell.
It goes something like this –

You can ask me whatever you want
And I am expected to give answers
But if I ask
You won’t tell.

I don’t know what you want me to do
But
I do know that I can’t do it.

I’m tired.

Tired of having to fight
Just to get a simple yes/no answer.

I’m tired of worrying.
Tired of wondering about
All the what-ifs and how-deeps
Tired of driving myself crazy over someone
Who couldn’t be bothered with me.

I breathe.
Inhale ghosts and exhale warmth.
Breathe again
And have nothing left but coldness
And anger
And fear
And hurt

Breathe again
And breathe in feelings
Tangible
That choke me.
Warmth
And love
And happiness
And trust

It’s not the feelings
That are lodged in my throat
Choking me

It’s the memories.
I remember being able
To be happy
Without feeling like something’s missing

I remember being able
To lie
To lie away the scratches
And to let myself rely
On something that wasn’t
You
Or anyone else.

I remember being able
To feel
And right now
I’m flat line
With
Little blips of anger and sadness.

And it’s scary
(but I’m not scared)

I wish I hadn’t
Opened myself

Sure, maybe wounds heal better
In open air

But do people?
I don’t think so.

I can’t stop it.
The bleeding.
I can’t seem to close me back up again.

It’s scary
(maybe I am scared after all)

See? I can say
I can hold up my hands
Bloodied
And say

Hey, we’re not all that similar after all.

Not at all.