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Author’s Note:
This is a one chapter story. I thought it would be best to tell
everyone up front that this is just a small story of mine I put up on
FictionPress to keep my account from looking so devoid of creativity.
Honestly! I work hard!
Hopefully, you’ll like this story enough that when I put up one of the multiple-chapter stories I am currently working on, you’ll give one a look! So until then, please enjoy this story anyways. As always, any reviews are appreciated. Tell me anything I need to improve.
Where are you…when I need you?
It was raining again. At night in the small town it had always seemed to rain. The only one standing outside was a petite young woman with long, raven black hair that fell down to her waist. Un-trimmed bangs fell in her pure blue eyes, making it almost impossible to see. She wore a gray coat, the only thing seemingly protecting her from the harsh wind. All that protected her from the rain was a lavender colored umbrella.
It’s raining…again. It was raining when I left too.
As she stood beside the road, she took a cell phone from the black bag hanging over her shoulder. She glanced down at it for a moment as she dialed. She put the phone up to her ear and stared at the road as a car drove past. When she heard a voice on the other end, a small smile came to her face.
“It’s Serafina,” she whispered, looking around the dark street, “Yeah, I’m back. Things didn’t work out in New York.” Her smile fell a bit as her gaze fell to the ground, “No, I got a part…it just wasn’t the part I wanted. I didn’t want to be one of the background dancers.”
The girl, Serafina, started walking down the street, managing a small laugh, “You’re right. I am picky. There’s only one role I want though. I’ll keep going back until I get it.” She stopped walking when she found the other end of the line was silent. She tapped the phone a couple of times. “Maggie? Maggie, are you there?”
She let out a sigh and pressed the button to end the call. She put the phone back in her purse and looked up at the sky. “Why is it always raining when I’m here?” she whispered, staring up at the sky sadly, “Why can’t it snow again?”
She started to walk down the street again, twirling her umbrella as she did. As she walked her gaze returned to the sidewalk, her steps slowly beginning to follow a line.
This same town…so near where I am now is where you said goodbye to me, isn’t it?
Her footsteps came to a stop as she slowly lifted her gaze, staring out at the falling rain. Ahead, she saw the place she had been thinking of. A small stone bench surrounded by flowers. Her grip slowly loosened on her umbrella until it fell to the ground, the rain falling down onto her head. As the umbrella blew farther away from her, the rain slowly soaked through her clothing.
It’s cold…but I don’t feel anything…
She took a step forward, reaching out her hand slowly. She stepped forward again and her heart started to beat loudly until she could hear it drumming in her head. She finally ran forward, tears filling her eyes as she fought back the memory that awaited her. She stumbled and fell just in front of the bench, her bare legs scraping against the pavement. She reached out her hand and held onto bench, pulling herself the rest of the way to it. She pulled herself up into a kneeling position, resting her head on her arms atop of the bench.
Her fingers dug into the sleeve of her thick coat as tears and rain fell down her face. She cried silently as she closed her eyes tightly, trying to ignore the tightening in her heart that grew with each moment she spent in that place.
This place was once so warm…but now being here feels like I’m drowning in icy cold water. Where are you? When will you come see me?
She let out a cry as she tightened the grip on her sleeve. “I’m so lonely!”
Don’t you know? Without you here I can’t do anything right? I can never fill the part of Allete…
When Serafina awoke,
there was warmth around her again. She opened her eyes slowly to find
herself in an unfamiliar room. She looked around for a few moments,
unsure of where she was. When the rest of her senses had fully
awakened, she wrinkled her nose slightly. That familiar and
nauseating smell was all around the place. She was in a hospital.
She sat up from underneath her covers, putting a hand through her tangled raven locks. She took her hand from her hair and set it on her chest, feeling her heart beating as she closed her eyes. She started to frown as she tried to remember what had happened before she had blacked out.
Her eyes widened when she remembered seeing the bench and she tightly gripped her nightshirt. She stared straight ahead, looking at the plain white wall opposite her. Tears filled her azure eyes as she remembered what she had shouted after so long of keeping it inside.
I’m so lonely.
She fell back onto her bed, closing her eyes as tears streamed down her face. One hand stayed on her chest, but its grip had lessened. She wanted to feel her heart beating, wanting so badly to know that she was still alive. Believing was not enough, she had to know.
“Doctor, isn’t there anything we can do?”
Serafina’s eyes opened, hearing the muffled voice of her mother through the door. Surely, they were talking about her.
“She has refused to have chemotherapy because she doesn’t want to lose her hair. You were unable to convince her that life is more important than vanity.”
This time it was the doctor’s voice, and hearing his words caused a small frown to appear on her face. It wasn’t her mother’s fault if she was stubborn.
“You removed the tumor from her throat though! Shouldn’t she be fine?”
“As I told you, the cancer spread before we did that operation. All that did was allow her the ability to speak again. However, the cancer has spread into her lungs. At the rate it is, there’s really nothing we can do.”
As she listened to the doctor’s cold words, she only sighed. She had already known that she was a hopeless case. She knew when she refused to have chemotherapy that it would be that way. She also knew that she would not bend her life according to a disease. She would live the way she wanted to for as much time as she could.
After all, I want to be the same when I meet you again. I want to have the beautiful hair that you used to say made me look like a fairy-tale princess.
The voices outside the door had stopped, now replaced by the sobbing of her mother and the doctor’s attempts to quiet her down. Finally, her mother spoke again, seemingly calmer, “Won’t she even reach her twenty-first birthday?”
The doctor, seeming to regret his harsh tone from before, answered gently, “No. She’ll most likely have half a year left. That’s if she stays here in the hospital and receives the proper care.”
Hearing that, Serafina sat up in her bed again. The doctor was wrong; she would not have six moths left to live. She would have much less. She slipped out from underneath he covers and quietly walked over to where her now dry clothing laid on top of a table. She took the clothing and just as silently slipped into the bathroom, quickly changing out of her nightshirt and into her clothes.
If I leave the hospital, I’ll probably have little more than two months. In those two months I’ll stop waiting and instead I will find you and say goodbye.
Once she was dressed, she leaned up against the door, waiting and listening for the doctor or a nurse to come in so that once they had entered the room, she could quickly slip out. Living in a hospital, surely would not be living at all.
After a month of dancing on stage, she was still unable to see the girl who played the leading role dance. She was always rushed off. After collapsing right after a performance, she was appointed as a part of the backstage crew when she pleaded to stay a part of the performance. As a part of the backstage crew, she would also see Miss Allison Reynolds play the part of Allete.
The part that is so close to my heart…and I can only sit and watch. It’s almost funny.
As the musicians began to warm up their instruments, Serafina smiled a bit, finally having the chance to see the dance live. The same dance that she had dreamed about ever since she was a little girl. She knew it perfectly, now seeing it she would be the only one who could truly judge the dancer’s performance.
Allison walked onto the stage, her long blond hair tied up tightly in a bun behind her. She wore a sweatshirt and shorts, when took away from the appearance Allete was supposed to have, but Allison still fit the image of gracefulness perfectly.
Then the real music began and Serafina almost immediately took on a look of confusion. The dancer, Allison Reynolds, stood up in a completely upright position. Allete’s dance was supposed to begin on the floor. The dance began sooner than expected as well. As Serafina quickly saw, the entire dance was different from the one she knew. Filled with more spins and difficult maneuvers than the dance was supposed to have.
Allete’s dance is supposed to be sad and graceful; slow and beautiful; emotional and hopeful. I would know better than anyone, wouldn’t I?
She hopped off her stool and ran towards the backstage exit. She quickly ran down the hall until she reached the entrance to the main theater. She looked around the seats quickly, finding who she wanted to see quickly enough; the director sat in the third row. She slammed the door shut, causing the music and the dance to stop. She ignored the glares she received as she walked down the rows of seats until she finally reached the third row.
The director turned to glare at her immediately. “You interrupted! She was doing the dance perfectly!”
“That was not Allete’s dance,” she answered coldly as she returned the glare, “You changed it. So it was not perfect.”
Hearing her reason, the director simply waved his hand at her, laughing a bit. “Oh silly girl. That dance was not up to Allison’s skill. Anyone who watched it would be bored anyways. Now go back to wherever it is you need to go.”
Serafina didn’t move, still glaring at the director, “If your dancer makes people bored while doing the proper dance, it is her own fault. She is the one who lacks the skill to perform a dance that makes someone feel the proper emotion. All she will receive in this dance is applause.”
“Who are you?” the director asked, turning to her again.
Without hesitation, she answered, loudly and clearly, “Serafina Manners.” Seeing the director’s eyes grow a bit wider, she continued, “My father wrote and directed this musical.”
“W-well…you still don’t get it…just because of a relation doesn’t mean…”
She ignored the director and instead turned to the stage. “Miss Allison, when you perform this dance does your heart feel pain or does it just beat quickly?”
“I-I don’t know,” the blond-haired dancer replied, looking unsure for the first time that Serafina had seen.
Serafina just smiled sadly and nodded, confirming what she had thought. She turned around and walked back up the aisle, only pausing to open the door again. Then she stepped from view and continued walking, not intending to go back now that she knew what the performance had become: a show.
The dance that my father created was so much gentler. It made me want to cry.
She started to slow down once she had completely left the theater; she leaned against the wall and slowly slid down onto the pavement. Tears filled her eyes as she put her hands on her chest. The pain was slowly becoming unbearable with each passing day. Not only did her chest hurt, but her heart ached.
I still haven’t seen you…this was a waste of time. Now I know why you were never at a show. You would never see the Allete that would not make you cry.
She slowly fell down onto the ground, tears still falling from her eyes as she slowly cried herself to sleep.
In front of a water fountain, that despite the freezing weather, was still running.
“Ah! I’m sorry!” Serafina said as she looked at the stranger. Her face was bright red; she had bumped into a stranger and spilled hot chocolate all over him. His clothing seemed so nice too. She looked at him for a while; he seemed so tall compared to her. His brown hair fell into his brown eyes, which she felt thankful for. If she could see his angry expression, she might have simply ran off and forgotten her manners.
“It’s okay,” he replied easily, surprising her, “What’s a little hot chocolate in weather like this? Besides, if it’s a pretty girl like you it doesn’t seem to bother me.”
This comment made Serafina’s blush grow as she laughed. “Oh don’t say something like that. It’s so embarrassing!”
“It’s true though,” he said with a smile, laughing as well. He held out a gloved hand as he introduced himself, “I’m Adam.”
She took his hand slowly and uneasily. Once she felt his strong and firm grip, she relaxed. She smiled up at him, “I’m Serafina.”
We both found that we were taking the same bus back, so we sat together. After that, we would meet often after our classes. In a short time, I knew everything about you and you knew as much about me. It didn’t take long for me to fall in love. I’m not sure when it happened, but I remember when I realized it.
“Your father wrote a musical?”
The two sat in a booth at a coffee shop, each looking at each other. The window beside them showed the snow falling outside.
“Yes!” Serafina replied enthusiastically, “Have you ever heard of A Silent Winter?”
“Eh? That one? It’s gotten so many good reviews over the years. I heard they were going to make a movie of it…” Adam said, his eyes widening, “Your family must be rich then.”
“Well, we’re well-off. And there isn’t going to be a movie. That’s not the way my father would want his story to be represented,” Serafina replied as she looked down at her coffee, “Allete’s final dance must be seen live in order to have the right impact.”
“And why is that? What’s the story about?” he asked, taking a sip of his coffee. His eyes were intently staring at Serafina as he waited for his answer.
“An angel who has lost her wings,” Serafina said softly, a small smile appearing on her face. “With her wings she has also lost her memories and her ability to speak. Someone finds her and he takes her in after so many people just leave her alone in the streets. All of this takes place in the beginning of the winter. The rest of the story takes place over the course of the same season…”
“Hence the title, right?” Adam asked with a smile.
“Yes. So he takes care of the angel and names her Allete and she slowly falls in love with him. However, the man has someone he has to marry for his family. He also says he loves the woman,” Serafina explains softly, “And he really believes he does. Hearing this, Allete cries and suddenly, her memories come back. She lost her wings because she gave her life so that a human could live. She only has until the end of winter to live.”
She tucked a strand of black hair behind her ears before continuing. “At this point, she’s only one day away from the end of winter. On her last day, she decides she must tell him how she feels, but she can’t speak. So, instead she dances for him, telling him everything through the same dance. Then after she finishes, she finally is able to say one thing before she disappears.”
“That’s a sucky ending,” Adam replied without hesitation, “Don’t I even get to know what she says to him?”
“It’s a secret,” Serafina answered softly, “You have to watch the musical in order to find out.”
Adam sighed as he stood up, putting his money on the table. He held out his hand to Serafina, shaking his head. “You really are something. You tell me everything about the story except what she says,” he said, sounding slightly agitated. “I would have told you.”
“Liar,” Serafina replied as she took his hand and pulled herself up, “You’re always so stingy.”
“I would have,” he replied softly, still holding onto her hand. He pulled her towards him and put his arms around her, “I’d tell you anything Serafina. All you'd have to do is ask.”
Serafina’s face slowly began to turn red as she stayed in his arms. She closed her eyes slowly, tears filling her eyes.
I knew that I loved you then. Because my heart felt so warm. It felt like a dream and I couldn’t help but cry.
So soon afterward, I was admitted to the hospital after I had a sore throat for what must have been too long. We found out that I had a tumor in my throat. After a while, I lost my ability to speak because of my refusal to have chemotherapy. I didn’t want to look any different than the girl you said was beautiful. You tried so hard to convince me otherwise.
Then you took me back to my hometown…
“You sure they’re coming to pick you up?” Adam asked as he sat on a bench beside Serafina.
She smiled and opened her mouth to say something. Her smile fell as she touched her throat. She closed her mouth and nodded simply, her gaze falling to the ground.
“Okay, I’ll wait with you for a little while…” he replied as she leaned back into the bench.
She looked at him and put her hands together, smiling and nodding, trying to show her thanks. He just laughed and put his hand on top her head, ruffling her hair a bit. “Like I’m supposed to know what that means.”
The two of them sat in silence for a while after that. Serafina still looked at him from the corner of her eye. Silently, she wished that she would be able to speak with him just as she had before.
Finally, Adam stood up after the two had been waiting for several minutes. “There’s a car coming from down the road, so you’ll be fine,” he said quietly.
Serafina stood up beside him, her eyes filled with sorrow. It might be the last time the two ever saw each other and she was unable to even say goodbye to him. Tears started to fall down her face. She tried to wipe them away in vain. She mouthed sorry over and over as she tried harder to wipe them away.
He pulled her towards him, putting his arms around her again. The two stood like this in silence until he finally spoke again. “I love you Serafina. I wanted you to know that no matter what happens, I love you and I’ll always remember you.”
Her eyes widened after hearing this and tears continued to fall down her face. She was on her toes so that her head could rest on his shoulder. She started crying, her shoulders shaking. She was unable to respond. No matter how much she tried, he wouldn’t know.
After a while, he let go when the car came to a stop beside them. “Goodbye,” he said before turning around and running away, back to the bus depot where he would need to get a ride back to New York.
Serafina fell to her knees, crying as her mother came up beside her, asking questions that she only barely heard. She might never see him again and she could die without him ever knowing how she felt.
I love you so much…that’s why I have to find you and tell you. It doesn’t matter if I die. I need to see you in person and tell you.
It had been two weeks
since she had left the theater and Serafina had finally figured out
where it was she needed to go. She could feel her time was running
out. The past two weeks she had spent in bed. It had taken everything
she had to get out of her building and hail a cab to bring her to a
place where she could take a bus.
The same bus she had rode with Adam back to New York.
If you aren’t there…I don’t know where to find you. You aren’t in New York. This town, it must be your hometown. Please be here.
She stared down at her lap, not wanting to see the outside. Every person she saw she would think was Adam. Finally, the bus came to a stop after an hour of driving. She pulled on her coat and buttoned it up quickly before getting off. As she stepped off the bus, her eyes closed, there was a familiar feeling. The crunch that only snow made floated up to her ears. She looked around the town, everything was covered in snow.
She walked further off the bus, her eyes quickly filling with tears as a smile came to her face. She ran forward into the falling snow, laughing happily. The town looked the same as it did on the day that she met Adam.
Please let this be a sign that I can find you.
Once she had taken in the atmosphere, she started walking. Her breathing was difficult as was expected from her running around in the cold. Finally, she reached the place she had been looking for. She smiled a bit as she slowly walked towards the fountain. It wasn’t running, but it was still beautiful. She looked around the snow covered streets. They were all empty.
She let out a small sigh and stepped back from fountain. She sat down on the snow covered street with one leg extended and her other curled up beneath her. She rested her head down on her extended leg, her arms outstretched.
In her mind, the music began to play softly.
She listened to each note inside her head until she heard the right one and she slowly lifted her arm as well as her chest. She brought her hands to her chest and arched her back. When the music was right she stood up gracefully and went onto one foot as the other leg extended behind her.
This was Allete’s final dance.
This is my final dance.
She continued to dance, executing each movement as gracefully as she could, not ready to give up despite her weak and aching limbs. Everything hurt, but if she didn’t dance this way now, she never would. She needed to tell the one she loved how she felt.
Please come to me. I don’t know where to find you.
As she continued to dance, she ignored the falling snow and everything else. Only two people had known it, but she was Allete. It was something her father had told her when she was very young. The image of Allete had been made when he saw his daughter at her first dance recital during winter. It had turned out to be true in a way he had never predicted, both girls suffering the same feelings. However, Serafina had been, in his vision, an angel that would give her life in the very same way.
Father has died as well. So when I leave, I won’t be lonely.
Tears fell down her face again as she smiled, falling down into a split. “Right, Father? I’ll be your angel again soon, but now let me be Adam’s.”
She stood back up and twirled, stopping and arching her back again as she brought her arms up and then down. She continued to dance until she heard a voice. A voice that she had been waiting over two years to hear.
“Serafina…”
She turned around, her eyes wide. She smiled as she looked at his familiar face. He looked exactly the same as when he said goodbye to her. She slowly walked towards him, taking his hand once she reached him. She extended her leg behind her, finishing Allete’s dance as she looked up at him.
“I came here to tell you what the angel said before she disappeared, but first I need to tell you something,” she whispered. She lifted herself up until her face was less than an inch from his, “I love you,” she said before she kissed him. She put both feet on the ground again, smiling at him again before she closed her eyes and fell into his arms.
I found you. Now I don’t regret anything.
“What were you
thinking dancing like that in the snow?” Adam asked as he sat
beside the now awake Serafina.
“It doesn’t matter,” she said softly, smiling sadly at him, “There’s no chance for me to survive anyways. I could only have a few more months if I stayed in the hospital near my home. Besides, that’s not really living at all.”
“But-”
“I wanted to see you,” she said, closing her eyes, “At least one time before I died I wanted to see you and tell you how I felt. That’s all.”
“Serafina, that’s not worth making yourself weaker,” he continued, despite what she said. He took her hand and held it, but her grip in return was so weak that it felt like tears would come to his eyes at any moment.
“What the angel said…” Serafina said, smiling again as she opened her eyes and looked at him, “…she said, ‘Meeting you has made me happy. I have no regrets. I only want you to be happy.’ I want the same thing as Allete. I was selfish like her and just needed to tell you how I felt first. So, I love you and I want you to be happy. Always, be happy…” Her voice ended in a whisper as she closed her eyes.
Her weak grip disappeared completely as the motion in her chest stopped.
I love you so much. I wish always could have been with me. Still, I’ll be happy if you just remember me. I’ll be young angel, always watching over you. Unlike Allete, I’ll never really disappear.
