Josh’s house was huge. Enormous. Gigantic. Monstrous. I don’t even know how to convey the massiveness of his house in words. It was by far the biggest house I had ever seen.

Josh seemed almost embarrassed of it. “Yeah…so this is where I live,” he said uncomfortably as he pulled his BMW M3 convertible into his enormous driveway.

“Jesus Christ, what do you parents do?” I asked, regretting it immediately.

“Well, my mom does nothing, and my dad is a cosmetic surgeon,” he said, not bothering to keep the distaste out of his voice.

“What’s wrong with that?” I asked as I got out of the car. “He’s a doctor, that’s impressive.”

Josh looked around quickly, and then walked in close to me. “It is not impressive. My father isn’t saving anyone’s life. He’s not cutting tumors out of people’s brains, he’s sucking fat off the hips of rich, middle-aged California housewives.”

I was very taken aback by the hostility in his voice, and he seemed to notice.

He sighed. “I’m sorry. I just…forget it.” He turned and started walking towards the house, just as another car pulled into the driveway. “Dammit, I didn’t think they would be coming home.”

I stood there, gaping. “Your dad has a Ferrari?”

“Yeah,” he said distractedly. “Listen, we should go somewhere. Your place. Or the beach. Or just anywhere.”

“How come?”

Before Josh had time to answer, his mother was out of the car and heading towards us. “Well hello dear,” she said, pecking him on the cheek. “Who’s your friend? It’s nice to meet you darling, I’m Molly Parker.”

She was a small woman, she couldn’t have been much more than five feet, but she carried herself very gracefully. She had perfectly manicured nails and a sparkling diamond necklace, and the kind of beatific smile of someone who has everything that she could possibly want in life. Josh had her eyes.

“Ryan Angelo,” I said, shaking her hand. “I play football with Josh.”

She clasped my hand in both of hers. “Well it’s lovely to meet you, do come inside. Oh, but have you met my husband? This is my husband David.” She gestured towards her husband who was dragging the cover over his car.

It was easy to see where Josh got his strength and build from. Dr. Parker was exactly the same height as his son, and probably a few pounds heavier. He had the same broad chest and shoulders that seemed to be straining against the seams of his suit jacket.

Mrs. Parker shepherded us all inside and offered us something to drink.

Josh seemed reluctant to hang around, but I didn’t see what harm it could do so I accepted.

Josh shot me a look, but settled himself down across from his father at the kitchen table.

“So Ryan,” Dr. Parker began, “you play football with Josh?”

“Yeah.”

“What’s your number?”

“Twenty-six,” Josh answered for me.

“Oh, I remember you, I think. Defensive back?” he asked.

I nodded.

“Yes, that’s right. Hmm…” he stroked his chin. “Well you really are a good player. Much better than whoever it was that played last year, who was that Josh?”

“Aaron Jordan,” Josh answered mechanically.

“Yes, that’s right,” said Dr. Parker. He turned back to me. “Your only problem is that you sometimes tend to lose the receiver when you turn to look over your left shoulder. Don’t let them fake you out like that. It’s always the same move - ”

“Okay dad, that’s enough,” Josh interjected.

“Oh hush, I’m helping him.”

“No, you’re not. You don’t even know him and you’re already criticizing him.”

“I’m not criticizing him! It’s constructive.”

I didn’t really know if I should say anything. Luckily, at that moment Mrs. Parker arrived at the table with drinks.

“Oh, thank you Molly,” said Dr. Parker. “So what are you boys planning on doing this afternoon? Going to head to the gym?”

“No dad, we lifted weights in class today.”

“Going running then?”

“I ran this morning.”

I took a sip of my drink, still not sure of what to say.

“Are you working on a project together?” asked Mrs. Parker.

“No,” said Josh. “We’re just going to hang out. Maybe go down to the beach.”

Mrs. Parker looked surprised. “To the beach?”

“Yeah.”

“Haven’t you got homework?”

“I finished it.”

Her brow furrowed underneath her perfectly curled and highlighted hair. “All of it?”

“Yes.”

“Even that report for European History?”

“Yes. I finished that two days ago.”

“And you made up that lab for physics that you missed?”

“Last week.”

“And you’ve studied for your calculus test?”

“Mom, my test isn’t for another week. I don’t need to study every second of every day.”

“What about your project for photography?”

“I can’t do anything until I develop my last roll of film, and I still have a bunch of pictures left on it.”

“But you’ll get it done?”

“Mom, I always get everything done.”

Mrs. Parker seemed to be very conflicted. “So you really have everything done that needs to be done?”

“Yes. Now we’re going.” Josh started to get up.

“Well, alright. But dear, why don’t you take your camera with you? That way you can fill up your roll of film and develop it tonight.”

Josh looked very frustrated. I didn’t blame him. “Mom…I don’t want to just waste the pictures.”

“You won’t be wasting them. Take some nice sunset pictures, those are always pretty. And then you can give them to me to frame and it won’t be a waste,” she said. “Now run upstairs and get your camera. Then you can go.”

Josh shot me an apologetic look. “Be right back,” he muttered.

Josh’s mother watched him going up the stairs, and sighed. “He’s really a good boy,” she assured, as though I had accused him of being otherwise. “He just doesn’t apply himself sometimes.”

Didn’t apply himself? I found that very hard to believe. Josh Parker worked harder than anyone I knew.

“He’ll be alright,” Dr. Parker chimed in. “He has good grades and he’s done well on his SATs. He’ll get into a good school. It’s just a matter of what he does with himself when he’s there.” He paused. “Are you an artist, Ryan?”

I felt very uncomfortable. “No, not really. I’m an art appreciation major.”

He nodded. “Nothing wrong with that. What are you thinking of doing with your life?”

I was taken aback. “I don’t really know.”

“Well, you have time. So does Josh. I’m just afraid he’ll waste his time in college with this photography nonsense.”

Mrs. Parker sighed again. “It’s such a shame, he’s such a smart boy. He’d make such a good doctor, just like his father.” She smiled at Dr. Parker.

I was beginning to see why Josh didn’t like to be around his parents too much. It was hard for me to contemplate how anyone could be disappointed in Josh Parker. My father would have loved him, and my father was very hard to please.

“Well, there’s nothing wrong with him having a hobby that he enjoys,” said Dr. Parker, smiling back at her. “And it’s fine for him to focus on it in high school, but it’s not a viable career.” He looked at me, as if hoping I would agree with him.

I just sat there.

Mrs. Parker turned to me. “It’s so nice of you to come over. Josh rarely has friends over. It worries me sometimes.”

“He’s…a very nice guy,” I said lamely.

“Yes,” she agreed, “but I don’t think he makes friends very easily. I wonder why that is…you would think he would make a lot of friends playing football. And we tried to put him in youth group at church but I don’t think he like it much. I just don’t like seeing him lonely all the time.”

I could think of several things to say to that, such as “well, your son doesn’t really have time to make friends because he’s trying to be perfect for you,” or “well, your son is actually gay and thinks that means he can’t have friends,” or “Josh doesn’t like to bring people over to the house because he’s embarrassed of the way you guys act,” but I kept my mouth shut.

“Oh, here he is,” said Mrs. Parker as Josh came back down the stairs. “Do you have sunscreen, dear? I don’t want you to get burned if you’re going to the beach.”

“Mom, don’t worry, I’ll be fine. It’s almost four in the afternoon.”

Mrs. Parker still looked worried. “Yes but just in case dear, you really should take some. Shouldn’t he take some? Tell him, Ryan.”

“Um…” I began.

“Mom, stop it. Leave him alone.” He ushered me to the door. “Now we’re going.”

“Okay, but don’t stay out too late dear. Don’t you have a lab in physics tomorrow?”

“Mom, I’m eighteen years old, I can take care of myself.” He turned to me. “Come on, let’s go.”

“Bye,” I said to the Parkers.

Mrs. Parker waved enthusiastically. “Bye dear, it was lovely to meet you.”

“See you later Ryan, and remember, don’t lose the receiver turning left - ”

Josh shut the door in the middle of his father’s sentence. “I am so sorry,” he said. “I didn’t realize they were going to be home.”

“It’s not a big deal.”

We got into his car.

“It is a big deal. They drive me absolutely crazy.”

“They’re not that bad,” I said half-heartedly.

Josh rolled his eyes. “You don’t need to be on their side.”

I laughed. “I’m not. But I mean, it could be worse. They obviously care about you a lot.”

He shrugged.

“They do. They want you to have a good life. They’re sending you to college and everything. My dad would never have paid for me to go to college.”

Josh was shaking his head. “They’re paying for me to go to Stanford, where my dad went. They’ve already got everything planned out for exactly how my entire life is going to go. I just can’t wait to see what happens when they find out I didn’t get in.”

“You didn’t get in?” That was hard to believe. He certainly had the grades. “How do you know?”

He was biting his lip to hold back a smile. “Because on the essay part of the application, instead of writing the essays like I was supposed to I wrote a summary of all the reasons I didn’t want to go there and asked them to please not accept me.”

“Wow, are you serious?”

“Yeah.”

I laughed again. “You’re such a rebel.”

“I know. I just hope it works. If they still accept me after that I’ll…I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll be really mad.”

“Well good luck with that,” I said.

We went over to my apartment. “I’ll take some sunset on the beach pictures on my way back home,” Josh said. “I just didn’t want to tell my mom we were coming here because she would probably want to talk to your parents or something stupid.”

No one was home when we arrived. We went to the kitchen to get something to eat. Jen had made cookies because she always had something terribly unhealthy ready to eat in the kitchen. It was like having a live-in grandmother, but not old or wrinkly.

Josh was leaning back against the counter chewing on his cookie. I took a moment to look him over. I was constantly finding myself staring at him. It was hard not to. I loved the way his t-shirts were always tight across his chest and shoulders and then hung down loosely. I liked the way he wore his sweatpants low on his hips so that when he raised his arms to stretch you could see his hipbones and the cut of his stomach. It was incredible to me that he was a virgin. I knew that nearly all the girls at school wanted to get in his pants, and I could imagine that there were more than a few guys harboring secret fantasies. I’d caught Willis staring in the locker room several times. I couldn’t believe that he hadn’t managed to find anyone. Except…

“Josh,”

“Yeah?”

“That guy you dated freshman year. Can you tell me about him?”

Josh raised his eyebrows. “Why?”

“I was just wondering.”

He sighed. “It was nothing.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I was fifteen, he was twenty-five. I was too young for him.” He paused. “It didn’t last very long. He got frustrated with me being immature, I’m sure.”

“You dated a twenty-five year old and never had sex with him?”

“Is there something wrong with that?” Josh looked angry.

“No, of course not,” I reassured him. “I’m just surprised.”

“I have morals, you know. I’m not going to have sex with just anyone. I don’t want to rush anything - ”

“I know, I know.” I leaned on the counter beside him and gently rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m not accusing you of anything. I’m impressed.”

He turned his face towards me, smiling slightly. “Really?” I could feel his breath on my face.

“Yeah,” I said softly.

He leaned in a little closer and kissed me. I kept my hand on his neck and inclined my head to whisper in his ear. “I’m not the one rushing things now, am I?”

He grinned and pulled away from me. “I can’t help it.”

“And here I thought you were all shy,” I teased.

“Only when it comes to things I don’t have much experience with.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Freshman year guy must have taught you a thing or two then,” I said.

“You could say that.”

I smiled. He was so cute. “Well maybe you can show me sometime.”

“Maybe so. You’ll have to earn it though.” He took another bite of his cookie. “This is really good. Who made them?”

“Jen, my roommate.”

“She’s good at cooking. Is she a culinary arts major?”

I shook my head. “No, ceramics.”

Josh laughed. “Like Jimmy?”

It was a running joke among the football players. Our biggest, toughest defensive lineman, Jimmy Allison, was a ceramics major. In his defense, he did seem to be pretty good at it. And at least he wasn’t majoring in interior design, like Willis who kept a huge textbook full of fabric swatches in his locker.

“So…how’s photography going?” I asked, for lack of anything else to say.

“It’s going well. I’m just working on a project due at the end of the semester, and then I have to finish my portfolio for the end of the year.”

“That’s cool. What do you take pictures of?”

He shrugged. “Just random stuff. Whatever looks cool to me. I like to take pictures of like, nature and stuff. Even though we don’t have much of that around here.”

I nodded.

“And sunsets on the beach,” he added. “My mom really likes those.”

I smiled. “You better remember to go do that today.”

“I will,” he said. “You should come with me.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah. Otherwise I’ll just look like some loser tourist.”

I laughed. He made me laugh so easily. “I guess I could do that.”

“Good,” he said. “Let’s go.”

“Right now?” I asked.

“Yeah, what else do we have to do?”

I shrugged and grabbed a few more cookies for the road.

There weren’t too many people out on the beach when we got there. The sun wasn’t going to set for a few more hours so Josh entertained himself by taking pictures of all the people that happened to walk past.

There was an older couple, probably in their sixties, walking up the beach hand in hand. It would have been cute except for their attire. The man was fairly overweight and wearing a speedo, and the woman was thin but definitely too old to be wearing a bikini.

“Ew, Josh, don’t take a picture of them,” I said.

“They’re cute,” he protested.

“No, they’re not, they’re gross. Don’t do it.”

“Fine,” he said, turning his camera lens towards me. “I’ll just take a picture of you then. Smile.”

I puffed out my cheeks like a blowfish instead.

I heard the camera click. “Come on, Ryan.”

I laughed. He took a picture.

“That’s better. Can I have one more?”

I puffed out my cheeks again.

“Dammit, Ryan…” he started adjusting the focus. “Actually, that’s kind of cute. It makes your nose look like a monkey.”

I sucked my cheeks back in immediately. “What are you talking about?”

“No, do it again!”

“I don’t want to look like a monkey.”

“It’s cute, I promise.”

“You do it.”

“Fine.”

He was right. It made his nose stick up like a monkey.

“Let me take a picture of you,” I said.

“No - ”

I reached out and tried to grab the camera from him.

“Stop it.” He tried to pull it away from me but I held on. He leaned backwards and tried to use his body to twist it away from me, but instead he ended up laying on his back in the sand with me on top of him.

I looked around quickly and, once I was sure that no one was watching, gave him a quick kiss on the lips and jerked the camera away from him at the same time.

“Ryan,” he said looking horrified, “we’re in a public place, someone could have seen!”

I took a picture of him. “Nobody saw.”

He snatched his camera back from me, trying to act mad, but I could see that he was biting his lip, which meant he was really smiling.

“You’re adorable,” I said.

He looked away.

“Why do you get so embarrassed?” I asked.

He shrugged.

“Well you need to get used to it. People are going to be telling you how gorgeous you are for a long time.”

He shook his head. He must have been blushing really hard because his ears were turning red.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing,” he said. “I just don’t think I’m that attractive.”

Jesus Christ, was the guy crazy? “Josh,” I said, holding his head underneath his chin so he would look at me, “you are beautiful. I don’t know how else to say it. You’re the most gorgeous guy I have ever met.”

As soon as I let go of him he looked back at the ground.

“Did you put on your sunscreen, dear?” I asked, trying to lighten the mood.

“Fuck you,” he said, and took another picture.

When the sun finally began to set Josh only had two pictures left. It really was pretty, I could see why his mother liked sunset pictures so much. I sat there, hugging my knees to my chest and staring out at the ocean while Josh absentmindedly took a picture of the sun.

He turned to me. “Hey Ryan…wait,” he said. “Stay like that. Just like that, don’t move.”

I obeyed and heard the camera click one last time.

“That’s going to be a really good picture,” said Josh. “You look really good. I mean…” he trailed off.

I smiled and turned to look at him. He was staring off to the right, looking at the ground. Big surprise. “Oh Joshie,” I teased, leaning over so that my shoulder collided with his, “you need to stop being so ashamed of yourself. There’s nothing in the world for you to be ashamed of.”

He didn’t say anything, but I didn’t either, because I was happy right there, leaning slightly against him.

And that’s how we stayed, until the sun had almost completely gone down. Josh finally broke the silence. “I don’t want to go home,” he said softly.

I smiled for what felt like the six hundredth time that day.

He was silent for a little bit, and then he asked, “Will you come with me?”

I turned to look at him. “Won’t your parents think that’s a little bit weird?”

“I don’t care. I can do what I want. They’ll probably be in their room anyway. They might not even know you’re there.”

I shrugged. “If you want me to come, sure.”

He flashed me a quick biting-the-lip smile before standing up and brushing the sand off of himself. “Okay, let’s go.”

It was dark when we arrived back at Josh’s house. He opened the front door quietly and looked around. “Good, I think they’re upstairs.” He motioned for me to follow him.

We went upstairs and Josh led me down a long hallway before stopping in front of his door.

He grimaced. “Okay…here’s my room. Well, my rooms,” he whispered.

“You have more than one room?”

“Shh.” He glared at me. “Yes.”

I shut up and followed him inside.

“Okay, um, here’s the TV room, through that door is the bedroom, that’s my darkroom, and out there is the balcony…”

I was speechless. What kind of kid has his own suite of rooms?

Josh looked around apologetically. “Sorry about…all this.”

“Don’t be sorry! You are so freaking lucky.”

He looked annoyed. “So, what do you want to do? We can…I don’t know, watch TV or something. Or get in the hot tub.” He gestured out to the balcony.

“You have your own hot tub?” I couldn’t believe how incredibly lucky Josh was.

“Yeah, so do you want to?”

I had the feeling that I was starting to piss him off. “Sure,” I said cautiously, trying not to make him any angrier. I have to admit, I was really hoping I would get the opportunity to run my hands over that beautiful bare chest, soaking wet…

I made a point of not sitting too close to Josh when I first got in. I wanted to see if he would come closer to me.

He closed his eyes and let his head fall back as he relaxed into the water. I couldn’t stop staring. I just wanted to touch him, to run my fingers down his throat, and down to his chest and his stomach. To grip his chiseled arms in my hands and grind my hips down on him as I kissed him –

“You know, I really don’t want all of this.”

The sound of Josh’s voice snapped me out of my fantasy. “What?”

“This.” He waved his hand in a vague gesture. “Everything I have. I don’t need it. I don’t want it.”

“Josh, you shouldn’t say that. Do you know how many people would kill to have everything you have?”

He raised his eyebrows. “They can have it. I don’t need it. Do you want to switch with me? Because I would love to have your life.”

I was surprised. “What are you talking about? My life is not that great. I’m always broke, there never seems to be enough money to cover everything, I’m constantly working. You don’t have to do anything and you get everything.”

He looked really angry now. “I don’t have to do anything? Do you realize that I’ve never gotten a grade lower than a B in my life? On anything. I have never missed a football game or practice, even when I had a fever of a hundred and two. I work my ass off on stuff that I don’t even care about, and then when it comes to something I do care about, my parents just say it’s a waste of time.”

I felt like a huge asshole. “I’m sorry - ” I began.

“You can’t imagine the pressure, because you don’t have to worry about stuff like that. The only pressure you have is from yourself. You can do whatever you want, and if you don’t do something right the only person you let down is yourself.”

“I know - ”

“And I look like such a brat to other people for complaining about all this, but you don’t understand. I didn’t ask for it. It’s my parents’ way of bribing me into doing the things they want. It’s like blackmail. I mean, can you imagine what people think of me? I’m the kid whose dad bought him a BMW, but I sabotaged my own chances of getting into Stanford because I’m an ungrateful - ”

“Josh, hush.” I took his face in my hands and looked into his eyes. My god, those eyes. They were so amazing. “I understand. And I’m sorry for the way I was acting.”

He looked embarrassed. “Yeah, I’m sorry too. I don’t usually act that way.”

“I know.” Keeping his gaze locked with mine, I ran my hands down his neck to his shoulders and then over his chest. I could feel his heartbeat. His pulse was racing. He must have been nervous. So cute.

I kissed him. And then again, and again, and again. I couldn’t get enough of him. I ran a hand over his stomach, loving the way the bubbling water made everything warm and slick. I felt his hands slide up my chest. I half crawled, half floated onto his lap and wrapped my arms tightly around him, one arm around his shoulders and the other on the back of his head, pulling him in to kiss me again. He folded his arms around my back and held me tightly. Before I realized what I was doing, I started to grind my hips down onto him. He tensed up immediately and broke away.

“Ryan - ”

“I’m sorry,” I said, pulling him back. “I didn’t mean to, I just…”

I didn’t have to finish my sentence. He kissed me again, and then pulled me so that I was sitting next to him with his arm around my shoulders.

“Hey, I don’t want to be the girl,” I protested.

“Too bad,” he said, and kissed me again, slowly and lazily, bringing his other hand up to rest on the side of my face. When he finally broke away, he wrapped both arms around me and pulled me into his body. “I still can’t believe this,” he said.

“What do you mean?” I asked, laying my head on his shoulder.

“It’s just so weird. I mean, a few weeks ago I never would have thought that you would be right here, like this. I keep hoping that I won’t wake up and realize none of it ever actually happened.”

“Don’t worry,” I said, kissing his neck.

He rubbed a hand up and down my back. “Will you stay tonight?”

“Like, to sleep?”

“Yeah.”

“With you?”

“Well, I mean…yeah, but you know what I mean.”

I straightened myself up. “You want me to cuddle with you?”

His face flushed and he turned his head to try to hide it. It was adorable.

I laughed and grabbed his shoulders to turn him back around. “Come back, of course I’ll stay with you tonight.”

He smiled. “Thank you.”

“On one condition,” I added.

“What’s that?”

“Actually two conditions.”

“Okay, what are they?”

“Number one, if we’re cuddling I want to be the guy. Meaning I get to be on the outside.”

He rolled his eyes. “Fine.”

“And number two, you have to sleep with your shirt off.”

He grinned. “That’s fair,” he said, and leaned in and kissed me one more time.