Comix

I am a comic junkie. From mangas to manhwa to Marvel and DC, I’ve been versed in each magnificent mutant and Kryptonian universe by the magic of the Internet and a secret bookshelf full of comic books hidden in my Fortress of Solitude. I feel an irresistible, gravitational pull to any book with those big block letters, “BAM! POW! CRASH!” and peruse the endless shelves of science-fiction for the comics gone novels every month. I critique each of the comics gone Hollywood with a keen eye and decide for myself if it’s a flick worth buying on DVD or something to aim a Lantern Corps ring at.

Of course, nothing compliments my childish obsession with heroes and vigilantes than a love of video games. I’m not any sort of game guru or expert at War Craft or Halo, so I need to enlist the aid of other gamers online. I’m just a little poser, crying on the floor like a child, “Help me!”. It was in a search for a way to play as Spider-Man in an old skateboarding game that led me to the Clark Kent of the gaming forum.

When I asked for help, the others were quick to shoo me away from their talk of Halo and secret codes; nobody really cares for movie vids. I could almost hear their keyboards tapping furiously with snickers and snotty remarks, in the secret language of binary code, no doubt. That’s when a helping hand reached out in the cyber darkness. “That game’s hilarious!” He proceeded to tell me that all I needed to do was successfully exit “career mode”, and then I could play as the web-slinging do-gooder. “If you like that you’ll love this!” He challenged me to a simple online game, one where I could easily hold my own. He was like the Flash, Green Lantern (Kyle Rayner, not Hal Jordan), Batman, and Superman all rolled into one! He had the fastest typing of commands I’d ever seen, the most creative mind, a surprisingly dizzying intellect, and a Boy Scout if I’ve ever seen one. He offered to help me understand computer and gaming lingo, chatted with me about the comic god Stan Lee, introduced me to the world of free online manga, and debated with me that Bart Allen was a far better Flash than Wally West ever could have hoped to be. Of course, his name was Nightwing written in romaji. True, most of the computer lingo and games he talked about were way over my head but I’d found another comic junkie!

When at last I told him I had to go to sleep, he told me if I had time I should check out a video of him from a comic convention where he got to interview a famous voice actor. “That’s me, if you wanted to see a me,” he said, with an emoticon smiley face. Did I want to see a picture of him?! Of course! If he was anything like the real Dick Grayson he’d be tall, dark, and handsome! I nervously hovered over the link. What if he wasn’t Dick Grayson? What if me was more of a Jason Todd – the Robin people voted to be killed? Could I bear to see my hero unmasked as a dorky Peter Parker? I double clicked. I would not be shallow. Nightwing would be the same guy who played Tony Hawke. Nightwing would be the same guy who got me hooked on Justice League! Nightwing was my hero!

But, to my absolute horror, Nightwing was a girl! Not only that, but one of those people that dress up at conventions. But her costume wasn’t Nightwing – oh no – it was a skimpy Wonder Woman outfit. My Man of Steel, my Crimson Speedster was a fellow skirt-sporting-non-cape-wearing chick!

From then on, I decided it’d be far wiser to stick to the comic books themselves. I didn’t want to be a Vicki Vale to Lois Lane. The comics would fulfill my appetite for modern day swash-buckling, roof-top hopping vigilante heroes who save the world before bedtime. Let’s face it; the guys that read them are simple minded Jimmy Olsen sidekicks that are all talk with no muscle or expensive gadgets to back it up. Everybody knows that it’s the guy in the cape that ultimately wins the fight and the girl.

Besides, anyone who says Bart Allen is better than Wally West has already put their foot in their mouth.