A/N: I wrote this for English class. It’s not supposed to be overly serious, so enjoy. Please read and review (gently, please).

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How to Rescue a Princess

What do Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, and Rapunzel have in common? They are princesses in dire need of rescuing, and who better to rescue a princess than a handsome prince like you, riding to their rescue on a brilliant white steed? Well, you may not be a handsome prince in the traditional sense, but you can still rescue damsels with the best of them. All you need is a princess to rescue, a traveling companion, the appropriate weapons and gadgets, and a fool-proof plan.

First, in order to rescue a princess, you need a princess in distress. While there is a wealth of lovely ladies to choose from, most people prefer Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, or Rapunzel. Be careful which one you choose because the princess determines how you plan your daring rescue. For instance, choosing Snow White would only require you to kiss her in order to save her. Watch out, however, for that poisoned apple; it has a way of calling you to it and enticing you to eat it. Choose wisely.

In accordance with the first step, where would the handsome prince—or dashing heartthrob in your case—be without a trusty sidekick? This you must also choose carefully. The most common choice is a horse, but this is your rescue; pick whomever or whatever you want. Most people would recommend a horse or a close and noble friend. No matter what you do, however, stay clear of the joking jester as a sidekick. Why? Unlike the noble white stallion, the jester will not take the rescue seriously and will most likely be more of a hindrance to you than any kind of help.

Second, you must arm yourself according to what obstacles may present themselves to you during your rescue. Let us say you choose Sleeping Beauty as your princess. According to legend, her castle is surrounded by dangerous vines like poisonous snakes poised to strike. Obviously, you would need a shield to protect yourself and probably a good sword to sever the vines and clear a path. In fact, for any rescue, it is a good rule of thumb to always carry a sword. Virtually any sword will do as long as it has a sharp edge for slicing, and it is a comfortable weight of your preference. Not only will a sword do the trick, burning the vines to clear them is also an acceptable—and probably quicker—method. Like most plants, the vines are not impervious to fire, so bring matches or flint stones.

Now to the third and best part—the plan. Do not be tempted to charge in the castle, sword drawn, like a madman with a death wish. Stealth and surprise are your greatest assets. Plan your rescue carefully and strategically. This means, however, you have to know what you are up against; do your research. Know the fairytale of which your princess is a part. Doing so will help you immensely if you happen to have an unexpected hole in your plan. For example, let us say that you are going to save Rapunzel, but you forgot to bring rope to scale the impregnable tower in which she is imprisoned. If you think quickly and remember the story, you will know that Rapunzel has extremely long hair; you can improvise. Call up to her, saying, “Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair.” She will let her golden tresses tumbles from the window, and—Voila!—her hair is your rope. I must caution, you, however, if you decide to attempt this rescue. The witch who imprisoned Rapunzel in the tower is very crafty; it just might be her in the tower instead of Rapunzel, waiting for an unsuspecting gentleman like you to fall into her trap. If that be the case, never, never, never look her directly in the eye; the intensity of her gaze could rob you of your sight forever. On a lighter note, you must remember that stealth is your greatest weapon; always take that into account as your plan your rescue. Doing so will greatly increase your chances of success.

Now that you are familiar with the procedure, you are ready to go rescue a princess, provided that you have chosen your princess and sidekick, armed yourself properly, and planned your rescue strategically. No matter what happens, do not get discouraged. In the end, good always triumphs over evil.

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