Authors Note :

Hello ,

Welcome to the world of Frog's , Warts and Kissses .A world that I created four years ago that somehow became lost to me soon after it's creation and has only recently been rediscovered and writen for the past two years .It is a world that has entranced me with it's ironic dark humor , continually devoloping characters , it's twisting suprising plot and rich emotions . I love this story and it holds a dear palce in my heart and I hope it will be the same for you .

Let's enjoy the journey of Frog's ,Warts and Kisses together ,

M.R.Sanner

I sat on the old well at my grandfather’s house. I haven’t sat there in forever, eleven years to be exact and to think I would never go back there again is quite sad. Granddad just passed away last week and us, the family, are sorting through his stuff and taking care of the house. I use to sit by that well when I was little and play with a ball that Gran gave me to play with when we lived there. The ball was so pretty, perfectly symmetrical, heavy and gold. I would toss it up and catch it as it came back down to me. I use to sing the alphabet while I was doing that. Well, the ones that I knew back then. Granddad use to come out and tell me all sorts of stories, which I thought were real back then. He used to tell me the old fairy tells that everyone knew. My favorite was the Frog Prince, but now looking back on it, that was the most stupid fairytale ever. It was basically about a whinny little priss who promised a frog she’d do whatever to get her ball back and when the time came to do just that she threw a fit and threw him against a wall and poof, he became a prince and married her. Now, I realize that was a messed up story, big time. Those stupid princesses and their magical frogs.

Hell, if a hot guy was trapped in a frog and it asked for help, I would help it in a heartbeat. But life’s not like that at all. Life’s not a fairy tale; I can tell you that now. People don’t die in fairy tells - grow old, get shot, rapped, murdered, robbed, swindled and stepped on. No, even if bad things do happen in fairy tales everything turns out all right in the end.

I looked down at that small golden ball in my hands. It, too, aged along with me, but only slightly. The ball was scratched and its shiny gold color was just starting to wear off. This ball was the only thing I asked of my family that I could have from this house. This tiny golden ball was all that was left of my grandparents. My grandma told me when I was five that this ball was passed down from generation to generation, that her bloodline had descended from the Princess in the story of the frog prince. After she told me that I had sat by the well everyday and looked for that ugly little frog. Of course, all the frogs that I had ever encountered just ran away from me, croaking. Eventually when I got older I learned that Granddad bought that ball for her when they started to date because she had liked the frog prince tale so much.

I started to cry, thinking of how I would never see Granddad again. It was bad enough that I hadn’t seen him in thirteen years, but to never see him again or hear his stories was unrealistic. Tears trailed over my cheeks and dripped into the well. I really don’t know what possessed me to throw the ball up in the air, but I did, and just like in the story it came back down and I caught it. I don’t know how that ball slipped out of my hands, but it did by some freak accident. I was grasping so tight it just popped out of my hand and into that dark well. The black water swallowed the ball before I could even reach it. I watched the gold disappear into that darkness, my hand still trying to grasp it.

I was already crying and loosing that damn ball was the last straw for me. I’m not proud to admit it, but I started to full-out cry. I pulled my knees up and sat in a fetal position, crying. I knew I had lost that damn ball forever. I had lost the only objectthat had linked me to my grandparents. Now they were truly gone to me, just like the ball.

“Why do you cry, Sir?” a low voice asked. I popped my head up and looked aroundbut saw no one around .

“Wh…who said that?” I asked, wiping away my tears. The deep croak of a toad echoed on the walls of the well. I turned and glared at the toad bobbing in the water, but a giggle built up and exploded from my lips.

“Now, my dear toad – frog - whatever you are - were you the one who just asked me why I cry?” I said, giggling. I scooped up the big frog in my hands and brought it level to my eyes. Its eyes peered back at me with a strange look. Well, I could have imagined it, because that frog had some freaky eyes. They were blue ; a deep grayish blue that mimicked the churning sky on a cloudy day . I had never seen a frog with blue eyes before. Never. The frog croaked again and squirmed in my grip.

“I, sir, am a frog.” Those words came pouring out of the frog’s mouth. I stared at the frog wide eyed and threw my hands up screaming. The frog plopped right back in the water screaming, “How dare you drop me?” I think that was about when I fainted. (Seriously, if you meet a talking frog you would faint too).

When I came around, there was that frog with the blue eyes sitting on my chest, croaking away.

“D…Demon frog!” I screamed and swatted the frog off of me. I stood up, looking at the damn thing.

“I am no demon, sir! I am a talkingfrog. Now if you need my help, I shall help you.” I stared at the frog and started to laugh.

“I finally lost it; I’m completely insane! Mom was right; I’m a basket case! I’m freaking hallucinating! I can see and hear talking frogs! Ha.” I crouched down and looked at the frog laughing insanely .

“Ok, Mr. Frog. Since I’ve finally lost it, I might as well talk to you. You see, I dropped my grandma’s ball in that well and I can’t get it back out,” I said, laughing, wiping away the steady flow of tears from my eyes. Wait - the frog just called me sir. But what did it matter? I was crazy. I mean, I was talking to freaking frogs!

“We’ll sir, since you are in such trouble I’ll help you retrieve that ball -” I cut off the frog and started to laugh hysterically.

“Ok, Mr. Frog, next you’re going to tell me only under one condition, I have to do whatever you ask of me. Then I’m going to run in the house and you’re going to follow then sit beside me at the dinner table , eat off my plate, make me carry you into my room and let you sleep on my pillow. Right?” I giggled again and the frog gave me an annoyed look , if they could give annoyed looks .

“No, but now that you mentioned it, sounds pretty good. If you were a maiden I would ask of you a kiss, but since you are not, that will do.” I looked at the frog; he must have had horrible vision to think that I was a male. Ha, I was getting mad at my own delusions. That was freaking crazy.

“Deal, Mr. Frog, now go fetch my ball.” The frog croaked again and jumped ontothe brick well and splashed in. I sat there watching him disappear under the murky water . When the frog did not bobble it’s ugly green head above the waterI had thought the delusions were over. That was until I saw a round gold object floating up the well, accompanied by a large green frog.

I grabbed the ball as soon as it surfaced and held it close to me. The frog jumped on the bricks and croaked.

“Now, sir, please carry me inside with you.” I laughed at the damn frog and picked him up. Hell, the frog wasn’t real, so what did it matter? I slipped him into my coat pocket and carried him inside.

I seriously thought I had lost my mind. I really did. So I spent the last couple of hours carrying around that damn toad, like it was normal . At dinner I took my plate up into my old bedroom and took the frog out and started to eat.

“This is no dinner; all I see is bread and a thin morsel of meat,” croaked the frog. I laughed at him.

“Frog, this is dinner. It’s called a Whopper – actually a hamburger, and they are really tasty.” I broke of a piece and let the frog nibble at it. My older brother ,Chris , busted threw the door at that very second.

“Trist - “He said, but stopped himself and stood there gapping at me. Of course I was thinking that I was officially insane and didn’t get why he was sitting there with an open mouth.

“What the hell are you doing feeding a frog a hamburger!?” Chris, my brother, walked towards me and I froze at his words.

“You mean you can see him?” I asked, stunned. Chris looked at me like I hadsprouted a second head.

“Of course I can see him! It’s a god damn toad sitting on your bed eating a hamburger!” I looked at the frog as it ate the last bit of the hamburger in my fingers.

Croak. “Sir, I am no ugly toad. I am a frog! “ I think my brother nearly had a heart attack at that moment.

“That fucking thing just talked, Trist!” I looked at him and then at the frog. I think my eyes were as wide 50-cent pieces.

“You mean you can hear him too?” My brother grabbed my hand and yanked me away from the frog.

“Chris, I seriously thought I had gone nuts. Thank God I haven’t. But that … that means the frog can really ta…talk!!” The frog croaked and looked at both of us.

“Why of course I can! Young sirs, you are truly weird.” Chris looked at me and I at him.

“This is too freaky, Trist. I mean, a talking frog that thinks you’re a guy.”

The frog croaked again. “You mean this lad who was weeping for his gold ball is no lad, but a woman?”

“Of course I’m a girl, you freaky ass frog!” I screamed at the frog. He croaked and asked, “Come closer.” I looked at Chris, who nodded slowly.

“He’s a frog, Trist; he can’t hurt you.” I grimaced and walked closer to the frog. The frog looked at me and croaked.

“Why, you are a woman! But no women I have ever met had such short hair, or wore men’s tights!”

I glared at the frog. “These aren’t tights, they’re jeans, and my hair is not that short!” I hissed.

The frog grinned and asked, “Then you are a girl? You broke our agreement. I said that if you were a girl you had to kiss me and if you weren’t then I would get to eat from your plate. “

I looked at the frog and said, “First off, you thought I was a guy. So it’s your fault. And secondly, no way in hell would I let your slimy lips touch mine!” The frog looked at me again and croaked.

“I am truly sorry for this misconception. Now it is I who will ask a favor of you. Kiss me and I will do anything you ask of me.” The frog bowed his head. I looked at Chris, who looked at me with wide eyes.

“It’s just like in a fairytale. You know - kiss the frog and he turns into a prince. Maybe he’ll have gold,” Chris said wide eyed. I glared at him and crossed my arms over my chest.

“Or maybe he’ll chop all of our heads off when he turns human,” I said coldly, eyeing the small frog.

“I most certainly will no-”

“You, frog, shut up,” I snapped. “Chris, seriously, you’re not the one who’s going to have to kiss him. Besides, what does he have that I don’t have? “

“You don’t have a boyfriend,” he said, grinning at me.

“Funny,” I said, turning towards the frog. “What do you have to offer me?”

“I offer you my servitude, and I am sorry, but that is all.”

‘Hmm… So that means you’ll do anything I say to do, right?” I asked.

“Yes.” I looked at Chris and he nodded. “Okay, Mr. Frog, today’s your lucky day. Just don’t give me any warts.” I picked him off my bed and held him up to my face.

“Ew, I can’t believe I’m doing this,” I groaned, though I was kind of excited about it. Hey, I was living a fairy tale moment. How many chicks can say that they have kissed a talking frog? Probably just the crazy ones.

“Just close your eyes, Trist, and kiss him,” Chris said. I turned and glared at him, then looked back at the frog in my hands.

I squeezed my eyes shut and brought the frog towards my lips. Amazingly, his lips weren’t slimy; they were actually soft and warm. Ew, what I was I thinking? He was a frog - or was he? He didn’t even feel slimy in my hands at all; he felt fleshy .

“Uh, Trist, you can stop now.” I opened my eyes and saw that there was no frog in front of me, but a guy - a completely naked hot guy. My hands still cupped his handsome face as he just stood there with his eyes closed, waiting.