“Not Okay”

Don't look at me
With sweet, solemn eyes
And try to tell me
“It's okay.”

It's not!

I am invisible.

It doesn't matter that I'm here
That I've returned.
It never really did.
No one cares if I come to work or not.
I'm replaceable.
It doesn't matter if I work upstairs or down.
Others can do my position.
Who cares what the hell I do.

I'm the invisible girl. And it's not okay.

I hardly speak with anyone.
Ever wonder why?
Maybe because I can't comprehend the conversation?
Because I can't follow,
And no one tries to take the time
To help me understand.
It doesn't matter what I say.
No one listens.
You hear me, but it's only words...
Words and more words.
I guess I say no sentiment.
Just empty turns of phrase.

My soul's a silent spring. And it's not okay.

You've made this all so abundantly clear
So stop telling me
With your lack of words or actions
That I don't matter in the here and now.
I know.
I was gone for months,
They didn't care when I left...
Cared less when I returned
Yet no one will let me forget...
That I was gone
And I still am, aren't I?

It all supremely sucks. And it's not okay.

So I work obsessively.
Hide behind my smiles or tears
Or my four walls
My room is safe
No one will visit me here
It doesn't matter that I bleed like you
Bleeding everywhere
And cleaning up my own mess
God forbid I inconvenience anyone else
Interrupting your important conversation
For a little help as I fade,
Fade away.

It's a knife to my heart.

And it is not okay.