Remembrance

I’ve had this fantasy in my head

Of how things used to be

It’s a lie of course because instead

Of joy it was pure misery

I longed for you to hold me tight

And tell me it’d be okay

Instead you wanted me out of your sight

I couldn’t be far enough away

I used to sit and watch you

Wondering what it was I did

Not only me but my sisters too

I hated being an unwanted kid

You didn’t see what was going on

Absorbed in your own reflections

Most of the time you were gone

Unaware of the constant infections

Being laid upon us without escape

There was nowhere we could run

Left alone to suffer with our mouths agape

At the mercy of a deceiving felon

You see dear mom you weren’t alone

In committing shameful acts of abuse

All these things you should’ve known

But to you we were obviously refuse

Obdurate of everyone around me

I vowed I would not surrender

My self worth was mine quite simply

Albeit invisible to my offender

I buried the hurt and hid the shame

Not wanting to see what I despised

I struggled with the anger and blame

And then one day I realized

I abandoned someone close to my heart

Someone I shared everything with

By ignoring her I was torn apart

This little girl who contains this pith

I don’t want to look at the bad

But I’m seeing myself more whole

It’s okay for me to feel sad

It wasn’t me who had the control