Something Not

Something’s pounding on the door of my dreams

The white-hot smoke that won’t keep me away

I can’t let you kill me

Blame everything please, just not me

Tendrils pulse and pull me towards the blackness

Look down at me in disgust

I know I’ve got what you need but I can’t let it show

Hide inside myself and lash out

Trying to be your mirror image

Trying to make these words touch someone

Knowing I can’t have anyone care for me

Watching the swirling colors and harmonies

Everything is pushed towards me

Never wondering if it’s what I want

Spin these words and waste this paper

With the thoughts of someone who doesn’t matter

Someone broken by her own touch

Someone who brings out the worst

Someone who no one will want

Jump over the edge and freeze

And when I do fall

I choose to fall alone.

-11:11 P.M.