Six

All humans are frightened of their own solitude. But only in solitude can we learn to know ourselves, learn to handle our own eternal aloneness. Han Suyin

Jake woke up with a headache like a pneumatic drill and a mouth that tasted like vomit. He groaned and rolled over on to his back. He was lying on his sofa. The light was too bright, burning into his eyes so he screwed them up. He heard footsteps to the rhythm of his pounding head.

Thump, thump, thump, thump

“Enjoy last night?” came a sarcastic voice. Tristan was standing over him, looking down with the characteristic look of disapproval he always wore when talking to Jake.

“Leave me alone” Jake covered his eyes with his arm.

“You told me you were going to the cinema with mates” the tone of his brother’s voice was cold.

“I did” Jake got up and shuffled into the kitchen to get a drink of water.

“Who comes home from seeing a film completely off their head?”

“I wasn’t 'off my head' ” Jake grumbled, knocking back a glass. “I need something stronger”

“Of course you were off your bloody head!” yelled Tristan “I think I’ve seen you drunk and stoned enough times to recognise it by now”

“I didn’t realise you were here when I got home” murmured Jake, sheepishly.

“That’s not an excuse” Tristan thumped his fist onto the counter “It’s happening all over again”

“No it’s not” said Jake “I just…lose my footing sometimes”. Tristan let out a laugh.

“Fuck this” said Tristan walking out “Deal with it yourself. I don’t care how the hell you’re killing yourself” he started to walk towards the door, away from Jake.

“So you’re leaving me too” Jake said bitterly, slumping into the armchair “Thanks. That’s great.” Tristan screwed up his face. Why did he do this? How did he manage it? Every time he was in danger of standing on his own two feet he could call you back to be his crutch.

“I’m getting some money out” grunted Tristan “For our dinner later. Is your flatmate eating with us?”

“He’s got work” shrugged Jake. Yeah, thought Tristan, dealing out drugs to rich school kids.

“I’ll be back in ten minutes” Tristan called as he got out the door. There was no response.

There was a cool summer breeze as Tristan made his way to the small cluster of shops where there was an ATM. As he arrived he spotted a black, two door ford fiesta parked on the kerb. He recognised the guy getting out, Sheila’s friend from the club, Matt was it? Tristan held up a hand, to say Hi.

“Hey” Matt nodded back “Tristan, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, Jacob’s brother”

“Jacob? Oh you mean Jake, yeah. I saw you play at the club. You guys are good”

“But not good enough to land a recording contract” said Tristan with a grin as they walked towards the shops.

“Err” Matt stopped “Listen, I heard how you were with Sheila last night. When she came back from her Mum’s. That was pretty cool. I don’t think anyone else has been able to cheer her up that much where her family’s concerned”

“It was nothing, honestly” said Tristan, hastily. There was a pause, “There are a lot of problems?”

“Yeah. I don’t know all the details but it’s pretty fucked up”

“No wonder she was so upset. Are you seeing her anytime soon?”

“Tonight. The four of us are watching a film round Anna’s. You should come. You have a good effect on her”

“I can’t. I’m…taking care of Jake” it came out more bitterly than Tristan intended.

“I’m going to buy you a drink” said Matt suddenly “Pub’s just up there”. And he was striding off before Tristan could protest.

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“Jacob has problems. His attitude first and foremost. The drugs and booze secondly.” Tristan sat in a squashy pub armchair, waiting for his Guinness to settle.

“We kind of noticed that” said Matt “After Sheila had been dating him for a month or so. She tried to get him to stop. She’s in denial. We all know he still does stuff like all the time, when she isn’t with him”.

“I don’t know who he’ll kill first, Me, Sheila or him” Tristan shook his head and took a draught of beer.

“You told her you loved her” Matt leaned back in his chair “And then last night…I don’t know. She was on about fear and stuff” he shrugged.

“I don’t know why I said it” admitted Tristan “She was right. I was scared of something. I still am”

“What of?”

“Destruction”

“I can see why you two would make such a good couple” Matt replied dryly.

“Oh yeah? Do tell. I could use a laugh”

“You are both fucked up” Matt counted off the points on his finger “You both have family problems and you’re both deep, far away”

“Deep?”

“Yeah. Like you’re seeing something totally different to anyone else in the world. Something bigger, more wonderful, more frightening. It can be off putting. Like that 'Destruction' comment. What the fuck is that about?”

“Okay I’ll stop” said Tristan, dryly.

“Listen, your brother…he’s…”

“Yeah, I know”. There were a few minutes of silence. “I should be getting back” said Tristan standing up “Thanks for the drink”

“I wish I had the guts to do what you did” said Matt suddenly.

“Do what?”

“Tell someone you love them. Like you told Sheila” he drained the glass. Tristan stopped.

“Who?” he asked slowly “Sheila?”

“No, no, no” Matt almost laughed “Someone else. See you later right?”

“Yeah” Tristan left, looking slightly bemused. Matt sat there and drained Tristan’s glass too.

She was all but gone. Slipping away like water through his fingers. And he couldn’t save her. He couldn't even save himself.

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Okay folks. I've been awa for three weeks (In the Florida sun, yay!). It would really mean alot to me if you review this chapter. It's just to give an insight into Tristan's view of things and also Matt's. I'll start writing chapter seven soon!

Ghost Love Score.