For those who don’t know me, or my friends, or my teachers, or what NEDs are, etc, let me clarify some things before you read this lil comedy/parody thing. This isn’t necessary, but you’ll get more of the jokes if you read this first, or at least refer to it:

Blair (Watson): my boyfriend, the fearless leader type

Mr. Coton: our head teacher, very religious, takes FOREVER to get out a sentence

Craig/Gopher: Blair’s best friend, nicknamed ‘gopher’ for some reason

Chris: vegetarian, and so open to countless ‘haha, Chris eats flowers’ jokes

Jayne/jj: me :-) a Wiccan, and has serious issues with how the school is run

Pavel: Bulgarian, tendency towards stupidity, clumsiness, and flirting, loves his hair
Gregor (Manby): Blair’s other best friend, also has a tendency towards stupidity

NEDs: (stands for Non-Educated Delinquent) very stupid people, hang around in a big gang called the YPT, tend to ‘fight’ each other and everyone else, wear ridiculous clothes

Holly and Kirsten: friends of mine, particularly loud and silly

Kiddie: depute head teacher, huge formidable looking guy

Reference to ‘cabbages’: a random conversation piece, more so between Manby and myself. This was written when I was going out with him, but has since been modified now that I’m going out with Blair. It’s just a random word to say, it was originally to do with a computer game or something

Craig Cunningham: a big dumb NED

David (Souter): small nerdy looking friend of ours, had an ambition to own a lab coat

The random things David says: there’s no point in explaining them all, they’ll have more relevance to people who know us

Miss Mann, Scott McBurney and Dr von Rhomberg: an annoying teacher, a stupid little NED wannabe, and a scary teacher

Bryan (Logan): an old friend of David’s, pretty crazy

Pj: particularly ugly and disgusting friend of Bryan’s

Princess: real name Sarah, nicknamed by Blair for her positive attitude

Rauri: particularly stupid boy who enjoys throwing fruit and tennis balls at us

The Mardi: a nightclub

"But why would he send us to a carnival?" Blair asked about Mr Coton.

He had sent the whole school it seemed off to a carnival in the middle of nowhere. At least they assumed it was the middle of nowhere; the buses' windows had been blacked out.

"Not everything is a conspiracy Blair." Craig answered.

"Is it hell!" Blair replied indignantly.

Blair was walking around with Craig, Chris, Jayne, Pavel and Manby.

"Actually," Manby began, looking worriedly around, "has anyone else noticed the steady decline in the number of NEDs?"

He was right, however uncharacteristically; at the start of the trip there was Burberry everywhere, NEDs upon NEDs spraying each other with toilet water and picking fights with anything lacking Burberry or a fake Fintry accent. But now there was scarcely a pair of trackies in sight, let alone any socks pulled up over them. There were no Fila or Burberry caps bobbing about at strange angles above the crowds either.

"Something is not right here." Jayne observed. "It's too quiet. Where's the screaming? Where's the loud obnoxious laughter? Where's Holly and Kirsten?"

"This is just too freaky." Craig looked like he was in the makings of a panic attack. "I want out!"

"No, Craig!" Blair yelled, but it was too late. The gopher was already hurtling off into the masses. "Dammit, Craig!"

They gave chase.

"Where the hell’d he go?!" Chris exclaimed.

"There!" Pavel pointed.

Craig was bound and gagged and being taken into the Haunted House by Kiddie-the-Klingon. Coton-the-mad-Vulcan was standing near by and rubbing his hands gleefully, saying what they each assumed was "Excellent."

"Oh no, they’ve got Craig!" Jayne cried. "Now I’ll never get-!" she stopped, noticing Blair looking at her out the corner of his eye, "-cabbages." she finished.

"Come on, let’s get him out." Blair strode determinedly towards the ride.

The others stood watching him.

Manby sighed. "Come on, let’s get him out."

Manby followed Blair, Jayne followed Manby and Chris followed Jayne. Pavel stood still. Jayne and Manby walked back, each took an arm, and dragged him over to the ride.

By the time the four reached the ticket booth, Blair was already talking to Coton-in-a-purple-wizard-costume-with-stars-and-moons-on. Coton was smiling and happy, as per usual, but unusually, so was Blair. He seemed to be in a trance.

"Why don’t you and your friends go on in, free of charge! Mwah-ha-ha!"

"Why that is just drippingly generous of you Mr Overlord Coton Sir! Come on chums!"

The four stared wide-eyed at Blair and slowly edged after him, carefully avoiding Coton’s obviously hypnotic gaze.

Once they were inside, out of Coton’s sight, Manby yelled "GET ‘IM!" and dived on Blair. Pavel and Chris restrained him while Manby slapped him shouting "SNAP OUT OF IT DUDE! PLAYSTATION!! LINKIN PARK!! BUDOKAI!! REARENDERS!!"

"Ma-" (slap) "Manb-" (slap) "DUDE!! STOP SLAPPING ME!"

"Sorry, got carried away."

“Where am I? What happened?"

"Don’t you remember?” Chris asked.

"The last thing I remember I was giving Coton a piece of my mind, when… oh NO! I didn’t really say ‘drippingly’ did I? And I called him- oh great! I feel like punching myself!"

Jayne grabbed his fist as he raised it. "You can punch yourself later, right now we have a missing gopher to find."

Together, they ventured forth into their new surroundings. The room had walls painted to resemble brickwork, a high ceiling, too high to see, and was dimly lit by light bulbs in the shape of candle flames that flickered orange and red. In front of them were tall wooden doors with a great Chinese dragon painted across them. Shrugging, Blair and Manby pushed them open. Just as they did a bunch of very academic looking kids (aka. dorks) in tweed jackets and glasses walked out. One bumped into Manby and said "Oh! Very sorry Gregor, wasn’t looking where I was going old bean! Mwah-ha-ha."

"Wait, you know me? Oh my GOD! Craig!" It was Craig!… Cunningham! (HA! Got your hopes up didn’t I?)

"Yes old boy? What in heaven’s name has happened! You are simply white as a sheet!"

"N-nothing, just go."

"Oh, well, if you insist. Ta-ta all!"

Manby looked wildly around and screamed "NEDs! They’re all NEDs!"

For the second time in this story, Manby was disturbingly and unrealistically right. (Manby: Hey! / Jayne: sorry) The NEDs had been turned into nerds! The YPT had been turned into honours students! Instead of saying 'I'm gonnae knife yeh!' they were saying 'Spiffing old chap!' THE MADNESS!! YAAAAAAAH!! …Eh-hem, back to the story…

Beyond the doors, Kiddie was herding the remaining NEDs into the ride’s carts with a cattle prod.

"Giggle!" smiled Manby as rebellious NEDs were electrocuted yelling "Ah, yeh fook!"

"I don’t see gopher, do you?" Jayne whispered to the group.

"No."

"No."

"No."

"Cabbages… stupid mother-… cabbages, huh! …cabbages,"

"BLAIR!"

"Huh?"

"Do you see Craig?"

"What? Eh, no… cabbages, pah!"

"OH LET IT GO!"

"Look!" whispered Chris, pointing as the carts moved away. Kiddie walked out the back door, passing a door marked 'KEEP OUT' with a large flower painted underneath it on his way. "Mmm, forbidden salad bar. Let’s go for it!"

Crouching, they made their way warily towards the door and Blair opened it, closing it behind him after everyone had entered.

"Where are we?" Jayne asked.

"Where’s the flowers?" Chris moaned.

The room was dark, until Pavel flicked on a lighter. They all turned to him.

"Where did you get that from?" Manby asked.

"Well, I kept asking you guys for one but-"

"Never mind." Manby decided.

With Pavel in the lead as he had the only light source (and some of his companions hoped he’d get eaten by something), they started off down a long corridor. Gradually, for the sake of using a cliché, a light appeared at the end of the tunnel. They soon realised that more of the cheap flame-shaped lights lined the walls, as well as suits of armour, and so Pavel flicked off the lighter. But then they heard a clattering of footsteps running at them down the corridor. It was too late to turn back; they’d have to face whatever danger was coming.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH-OOMF!" (David ran smack into Manby at full speed and fell backwards) "Is this a Manby I see before me?" He wiped his glasses. "Why, YEEEES! IT IS!" He leapt to his feet and grabbed Manby by the shoulders, looking at him over his glasses. "Did you check the yoghurt?" he asked in a low and secretive tone.

"Excuse me?"

"You can’t just meddle with the fabric of space and time without changing the density of yoghurt, man!"

David began rambling madly and pacing back and forwards across the corridor. Manby gestured everybody together for a huddle.

"What the hell is wrong with him?" Blair asked.

"Seems quite normal to me." Pavel shrugged, and a few nodded in agreement.

"It’s elementary my dear Watson." Jayne answered, ignoring Pavel’s comment. "Quite plainly, he’s gone mad. Quite plainly, he now has the I.Q. and brain capacity of a lemon flavoured yoghurt."

"He’s starkers you mean?" Manby asked.

"Look, we’d better ask him what’s going on, he might have seen something." Chris reasoned.

"I don’t know if you’ve noticed Chris, but this seems to be the person who now speaks Idiot as his first language." Blair said.

"In that case, Pavel, talk to him." Manby ordered, then added "Ow." as he was punched for the remark.

Pavel went over to David who had been continuing with his pacing and mad ramblings.

"David?"

"… cabbages…"

"What, has, made, you, go, cuckoo?"

"… yoghurt… melons… dreamcast… third eye… orange pants… odd sock… Bryan’s hash plant… rocket trousers… fish!…"

Pavel turned to them. "He says there’s a machine turning everyone into geeks somewhere deep inside the ride. The only draw back is, there have been some side affects…"

"Like what?" Chris asked.

Pavel turned back to David. "Ah-hem… Like, what?"

"… Mad cow! Mad cow!… chicken feet… Irish… Y.M.C.A!… yo’-mamma’s-so-fat…"

Pavel turned back to them. "In a word, super-powered zombies."

"Great. Always with the zombies!" Manby complained.

"In a word? What else did he say?" Chris asked.

"That the zombies came from an evil mutated experiment with three heads that bit them and turned them into zombies."

Manby looks a little nervous. "What kind of heads?"

Pavel frowned. "David?"

"… McNuggets… Art Deco… glaiven!… Thai fried rice… I’m-a-little-tea-pot!…"

"Miss Mann, Scott McBurney and-" (the lights flickered) "-Dr von Rhomberg."

"HOW THE HELL DID THAT ESCAPE FROM THE LAB?! I mean, whoa. Sounds evil." Manby forced a shudder, looking guilty.

After everyone except David had raised their eyebrows and stared at Manby for a while, they decided they didn’t want to know, and looked away.

Blair, taking on that slightly scary maniacal look he gets sometimes when he has a very dangerous or nasty thought in mind, turned to them in the flickering light with his arms outstretched and said "Guys, it’s up to us."

"Huh?" everyone, including David. asked.

"We are chosen by fate to stop this evil creature and cure the zombie people."

"But that might cure the NEDs!" Jayne exclaimed.

"That’s a risk we’ll have to take."

"Jeez, and you guys say I’m crazy, glaiven." David muttered.

"Come fellows," Blair continued, intoxicated by power and the thought of killing Miss Mann, McBurney and von Rhomberg in one stroke "our time has come, we march on to death or glory, ARE YOU WITH ME?!" he finished, throwing his fist in the air.

The group stared blankly.

"Oh come on! Please! Please follow me to death or glory!"

Jayne sighed. "Alright honey, but just this once."

"YAY! Manby?"

He looked from Blair to Jayne and shrugged. "Sure."

"I’m with you Blair." Pavel chimed.

"Maybe I should stay here and watch Davi-" But Manby had already covered Chris’s mouth and was dragging him along the corridor. David followed close behind, and could be heard whispering to himself or saying "Glaiven!" every now and then.

The corridor gradually got wider until four people could walk in a line. These four were Pavel, Blair, Jayne and Manby. Chris and David walked along behind. However all six jumped and froze to the spots where they had landed when someone, or something, ran out in front of them along an adjoining corridor.

“Glaiven!” squeaked David. “Kylie’s knickers! Mo-jo Jo-jo!”

“He says that was a zombie,” Pavel whispered.

“I don’t think it saw us.” Chris said.

“That thing was friggin’ huge! I take back my plan, my plan was stupid,” But Manby grabbed Blair by the collar before he could run away.

All of them felt their hearts had stopped as they heard shuffling feet coming back along the adjoining corridor. Bryan’s head peered round at them, then disappeared. Then he stepped out into their path. If you painted him green and called him Bruce Banner, you’d swear the comic had come to life; he was wearing tattered clothes, torn by his enormous muscles, and flexing his massive muscular arms. He was basically a huge torso and humped-back with a tiny head and little beefy legs.

“Logan?!” Pavel asked incredulously.

“BLAEAEAEH!” Bryan screeched.

“God, it really is him!” Pavel observed.

“BLAEAEAEAEAEEEAEH! BLEAEAH!”

“Eh, now what?” Blair asked.

Manby took a sword from a near-by suit of armour. “Now we hope he’ll run off, ‘cause I ain’t bein’ responsible for Logan’s death, and if I’m goin’ down I’m takin’ you all with me.”

Blair and Pavel also took swords from suits of armour and glared at Bryan in an attempt to scare him.

This however, did not work “BLEAEAEAEAEAEAEAEEEH!” and he rushed at them.

They moved to the side and he hurtled down the corridor and off into the distance. They stood watching him for a while.

“… Kelsey Grammar… star trek… techno-music…”

“He says, did he mention the zombies are really dumb?”

Blair frowned. “Do you hear something?”
They listened.

“Sounds like a base line.” Manby said.

“A bad one.” Chris continued.

“That can mean only one thing,” Blair concluded, “bad dance music!”

They ventured down the corridor Bryan had come from, and at its end was a huge, circular, stone room with a towering ceiling concealed in darkness. There was a DJ zombie, not unusual in itself, but the room was filled with dancing zombies, all hideously deformed school children… apart from Pj who looked remarkably the same. There were flashing white lights illuminating the gruesome dancers and casting prancing shadows on the walls.

“Is that, ‘Zombie Nation’?” Jayne asked.

“Figures.” shrugged Manby.

“Looks like the Mardi on a Saturday night...” Blair grumbled.

“What do we do now?” Chris asked, but his question was met with his friends’ silence; no one knew.

Manby saw a door less than half way round the wall and pointed it out. “Let’s try and slip through,” he suggested, “its better than walking down that damned corridor forever.”

Having no better ideas, the others followed his lead, sticking close to the walls.

But they were soon noticed: a deformed Princess pointed to them and yelled “MAEAEAAH!”

The other zombies turned and rushed at them.

“RUN FOR IT!” Manby screamed. But they didn’t need his instruction; they perambulated as hastily as their diminutive legs could transmit them (nice use of thesaurus there, don’t ya think? J ). But Chris was too slow.

“YAAAH!” he shrieked as the zombies pilled on top of him.

Manby was about to go back for him as they reached the door, but Blair stopped him.

“Leave it, let’s go!”

They slammed the door shut behind them and leaned against it, breathing a sigh of relief… all except David that is, who sighed “Glaiven.”

They were back in a corridor, only this one had real flaming torches, more suits of armour, carpets and wall hangings, plus the walls were actually stone as opposed to cardboard. Corridors intersected each other all over the place. It would be a daunting prospect, if they weren’t lost already.

“… Fish sticks… Martine McCutcheon… Toy Story 2… pink pencil…”

“He says not to worry; Chris isn’t dead. He’ll just be turned into a zombie, and when we find the brain-washing-machine and turn it off, it’ll reverse all the effects, including the NED-nerds and the super-zombies.”

“He said all that in ‘fish sticks, Martine McCutcheon, toy story 2 and pink pencil’?” asked Manby.

“Hey, you appointed me translator. Now if you’re gonna second guess everything I say-”

“NEVER MIND! Jeez.”

“Let’s get going.” Blair decided.

It was after some heavy daundering that the gang came to a pair of huge doors. Manby and Blair pushed them open and they walked into a gigantic basketball court, complete with stands. In the centre of the room there was a box full of basketballs… and seven large zombies.

“Eeep.” yelped Blair.

One of the zombies, baring a remarkable resemblance to Rauri, pushed the box towards them, perhaps in an attempt to trip up someone; it didn't of course, and instead slid to a halt in front of Manby and Blair. They stared at it for a moment, then in perfect synchronisation, their eyes widened, they smiled, and they slowly looked at each other. They both took on a sneaky half-eyed grin once they knew the other was thinking the same thing, and looked at the zombies.

Manby picked up a ball and screamed “DODGE BALL!” then performed a perfect headshot, knocking out the Rauri-zombie.

Blair and Manby preceded to systematically knockout a few more when Blair yelled to the others “GO FOR THE EXIT!”

They complied readily. Blair managed to bounce a ball off the floor, hit a zombie in the face, and before it fell to the ground, he used it as a boost to slam-dunk as well, landing with a triumphant smile just as the creature passed out.

“COOL!” Pavel admired. “Let me have a go!”

He picked up a near-by basketball and threw it as hard as he could “Glaiven!” and hit David.

He was frozen in the position he had ended his throw in, looking horrified. “Oops.” He ran over to David. “David! Soutar! Speak to me!”

“… Unter… Glieben… Gloupen… Globen!” and then he passed out.

“What did he say?” Jayne asked.

“He said to lift up your top.” (and after a scowl) “He said to leave him and turn off the brain-washing-machine in the centre of the ride; it shouldn’t be too far off, and it’s down an old mine shaft.”

“Again, that’s a lot coming from four words,”

“Hey, just let me do my job, huh? And when are you gonna lift up your top?” (slap) “Ow! Harder bitch!” he joked (indignant SLAP!) “Ow! Watch the hair!” (Jayne raised her hand again for another strike) “O.K! I’ll stop!”

“GUYS!” Blair was with Manby, fighting the remaining zombies back from the exit. “HURRY UP, LET’S GO!”

They ran for the exit and Manby shut it behind him. “Where’s David?”

“He uh, I uh, he fell over.”

“Fool of a Souter! Oh well, let’s get going.”

“Actually, that’s far enough.” A stern-looking Coton stood before them with two brutish zombie bodyguards. “Yes. That is, indeed, quite far enough.”

“Now you have all been very naughty children,” he said to them, raising his clasped hands to his mouth and looking at them each in turn, “and I simply do not know, what I am going to do with you. You’ll have to be punished for this.” There was regret in his tone. “But you see, I just don’t understand. I don’t understand, why, you would be trying to disrupt my plans… oh who am I kidding! You’re foiling my evil scheme and I basically cannot stand for it. Why would you want to foil me children? I’m asking you, honestly, why?”

“Well that took him long enough to get out.” Jayne whispered to Manby, who nodded.

“I’ll tell you why,” Blair stepped forward, “because you’re turning kids into zombies-”

“Now, now, let’s discus this, one point at a time: we are working, on the er- zombie problem, and it is a very minor problem indeed. It’s simply a side effect of the purification-”

“Of the what now?” Blair asked.

“Now, now, let me finish,” (like that won’t take forever and a day) “I was getting to that. I’ve been purifying the school’s pupils; can’t let a few bad apples spoil the whole orchard now can we?”

“You’re brain-washing the NEDs?”

“The ‘NEDs’? Why, yes, I suppose I am. You see, since that mosquito bite in Africa, have I told you all that story?-”

“YES!” they assured, trying to hurry him up.

“Well, since then, I’ve seen more clearly; what hasn’t killed me has made me stronger. And all I want is for all students to be forced an equal chance, is that not fair of me? You see, god has come to me, and there are far too many not following his will who must be made to see the light of his divinity and-”

“TIME OUT!” Everyone including Coton jumped at Jayne’s outburst. “I’ll go along with your stupid, double-standard, ‘one-way-system’, I’ll go along with what you view as ‘health food’, I’ll go along with most of your hair-brain ideas -and it’s about time someone invested in the brain-washing and cattle-prodding of NEDs- and I’ll even smile when you ask me how I am and answer semi-honestly when you probe me with ‘what should be done about uniform?’s, BUT I WILL NOT GO ALONG WITH SOME JESUS-FREAK TRYING TO CONVERT US ALL!!”

Blair leapt back and Manby hid behind him and even Pavel looked shocked. Coton even looked a little scared.

“Goddess Eoestre, hear my plea! As I do will, so mote it be!”

With an impressive Dark-Willow-like show of power, Jayne lifted Coton from the ground using bolts of energy from her hands. She whirled him round in circles before finally, in a blinding flash, turning him into a little fluffy floppy-eared white bunny-rabbit.

“Aw, he’s so cute!” Blair squeaked.

Jayne dusted off her hands and Manby said “That’ll teach him to tangle with Dark-jj.”

“Yup! Remember this next time you annoy me.” Jayne agreed, looking side-ways at Pavel who gulped.

“Who’s Eoestre?” Blair asked.

“Goddess of spring. Rules rabbits and hares.”

“Cool.” Blair nodded in approval.

“What happened to the zombies?” Jayne asked.

“They’re here.” Manby leaned against two bound and gagged zombies. “I think my work is done here.” One bit his leg. “Ow! … Awh, this bites...” He passed out.

“Oh for the love of-! Let’s go. Wait…” Blair flicked through the script. “How did it manage to bite him if it was gagged?”

“He um… It eh… Plot hole,” shrugged Jayne.

Blair noticed Coton hopping away around a corner. He frowned and followed him. Coton was soon hopping down a mineshaft. “Oh well, follow the white rabbit.” And Blair led them, with Pavel’s lighter, down into the dark.

“This is worse than the coal pit at Coaltbridge and that trench in Belgium put together.” Jayne whispered from behind. “I can’t see a thing!”

“I hear ya, babe,” Blair agreed, “at least we knew where we were going then.”

“You know Craig tried to get me to go down that trench again! I’m sorry, but he’s not cute enough to make me go through that voluntarily.”

“You didn’t need to put that in this story you know.” Blair said.

“Hey, it’s a long, dark, scary, uneventful tunnel and it reminded me of Belgium. I’m just tryin’ to pass the time.”

“Trying to piss me off more like.”

“For your information, Blair, in Manby’s stories he’s dumb, in mine I’m a little slutty; do you have a problem with this?”

“O.K. Whatever, I love you, I’ll shut up.”

"Awh! No, don't! I'm sorry, I'll shut up."

“Why don’t both of you shut-up?” Pavel mumbled.

“Hey, the ground’s levelling out, and I see more of those torch thingies. Good timing jj.”

“Isn’t it just?”

The three entered a tunnel supported by wooden props and lit by torches.

“This doesn’t look too stable.” Pavel commented.

Just then they heard a rumbling and sediment started to fall.

“You just had to jinx it, didn’t you?” Jayne said just before the ceiling above her caved in.

“JJ!” Blair called after the dust had settled.

“I’m O.K. You two go on,” came a muffled response.

“I’ll move the rubble, you go.” Pavel told him.

Blair was reluctant, but a second cave in (or for the purposes of this above named chapter, another 'landslide') separated him and Pavel “Dammit!” and he was forced to go on alone.

He walked further down the tunnel for a while before coming to a dead end. On the wall in front of him was a switch labelled ‘Brain-Washing-Machine. Keep switched on at all times.’

He shrugged and reached up to switch it to off, when he asked himself “Do I really wanna cure the NEDs?” and his hand hovered over the switch.

He heard scuffling and groaning and turned around to see at least a dozen zombies closing in on him.

“YEAH I DO!” He flicked the switch and covered his ears as a deafening ringing filled the air, then ceased. When he turned around, everyone was back to normal, moaning and rubbing their heads, sitting on the ground. Manby, Jayne, Pavel, David and Chris were all there.

Blair walked up to them and said cheerily “Hey guys, ‘sup?”

They merely groaned and looked up at him, dazed.

Suddenly, gopher came running up. He had a nasty-looking gash on his arm and was dragging a broadsword, presumably from one of the suits of armour.

“Craig! Where’ve you been?!”

“Slaying the evil three-headed zombie monster.”

"YOU KILLED FLUFFY?! I mean, eh-hem, woo gopher." Manby giggled nervously.

Craig and Blair looked at each other and shrugged.

“Let’s get everyone back outside.” Craig said.

“What are you gonna call him?” Craig asked from over the seat in front of Jayne.

“I think Fluffy, he looks like a Fluffy right?” she answered, cradling the rabbit in her lap.

They were all back on the bus, heading back for Monifieth ‘Hell-Hole’ High, deciding Coton’s fate.

“But you know,” Jayne began, “I haven’t had rabbit stew in quite a while…” The rabbit struggled and squirmed. “Oh don’t worry Mr Coton. Be a good boy and I’ll see if I can’t reverse the spell, huh? Whoooo’s Fluffy?! You are! You are!”

“I think that’s enough torture for now, jj,” Manby said from the seat across the isle from Jayne, and all eyes turned on him. “…What am I saying?! Who’s a fluffy bunny?! Who’s a fluffy boy?! You are! Oh yes you are!” (and he continued)

“I can’t believe after all that we still have NEDs.” Holly said from beside Jayne.

“Oh they’re scared shitless since they’ve been turned back though.” Blair said, appearing over the seat next to Craig. “I think that look into an academic life terrified them. Those I’ve talked to have informed me they’re leaving school at the nearest convenience, not that most weren’t anyway, and they’ll never cross a teacher again.”

“Ha, Coton’s not so scary.” Craig said, and petted the rabbit… before it bit him “Ow.” and he regarded the rabbit carefully.

“Now Mr Coton, remember what we said about stew.” Jayne reminded, and the rabbit lowered its head.

“This has been a great trip.” Blair smiled.

“Oh yeah, YOU didn’t get turned into a zombie!” Kirsten said, sitting beside David, behind Holly and Jayne.

“Right, what was that like?”

“Eh, not bad,” David shrugged.

“Free dental, super-strength, salad-bar privileges.” Chris went on, sitting beside Manby behind Bryan and Pavel (and yes I’m attempting to confuse you with the annoying and constant reference to seating).

“And, I got to decapitate McBurney, Miss Mann AND Dr von Rhomberg.” Craig beamed.

“YOU WHAT?! YOU FOOL! DECAPITATION WILL ONLY INCREASE ITS SIZE! I mean I said nothing.”

Everyone looked at each other, then at Manby, then a giant Godzilla-like creature with the three fore-mentioned heads stepped out in front of their bus which screeched to a halt.

“Rrrright.” Blair said after a pause. “… Who’s up for another death-or-glory adventure?”