Hey mom, how are you doing? Will you be here tomarrow? I hope so, love you.

Well, I talked to Pop, as you probably know, and that was annoying. I already knew exactly what he was going to say, down to the chakras and yin and yang and making a choice before I'm born. But gosh, Mom, I feel torn. I know mentally that I am a girl, but I feel like...well, not one exactly. I like and want to be mistaken for a boy.

This is so hard. No matter what Pop says, there are people born into the wrong body. There is evidence in the brain that transexuals have the brain gender of the sex they want to be. Basically, they got certain hormones at the wrong time in the womb.

I am not that (or I don't think so.) but I have always felt androgynous. I often was a boy when I played games (All three of us were, me and my two best friends) and that just felt normal. But I'm sure you will say that is normal. Everything is normal.

I can't seem to write out one complete thought. I keep catching at straws, and labels and definitions and feelings. But I don't know what is all in the head and what is real. I feel like I have created this huge ftm structure out of a stack of cards, and that at anytime some large breath will blow it all away and I'll just be a girl.