This is a little story that I wrote for a magazine contest. I never heard back, so I assume that I did not win. It’s really different from what I have on this site already, but I really like this story. I came up with it on a whim…

Seven Days Ago

Seven days ago, I ate a banana. Now, nobody will talk to me. Confused as you probably are, you might ask, “Why would such a small, inconsequential thing cause such a response?” Because, as it turns out, eating that banana was not such a small, inconsequential thing. Let me tell you, at my house, eating a banana is a big thing.

Seven days ago, my father’s boss’ boss decided to come to our house for the afternoon and later on, dinner. Everyone at the office who’s anyone knows that Mr. Dorward loves to eat bananas. As it happens, we had only two bananas in the house. My mother frantically rushed to the supermarket for more, only to find that they too, were out of bananas. Don’t ask me how, but they were. It was at this point that my father became frantic as well, since this meeting would determine whether or not he got a huge raise.

A raise would mean many things for us. Money-wise, it would be a great advantage. Socially, it would be a great advantage. Work-wise, it would be a greater burden to my father. The dark cloud under the silver lining. My father didn’t seem to care though. He only saw the benefits.

My mother consoled herself and my father in the living room, reasoning that two bananas were better than none. I wandered into the kitchen, unaware of how important the bananas were. (I figured that the two banana thing was some sort or metaphor.) To completely understand this story, you must know that I was very hungry, having forgotten to eat lunch that day. To me, the bananas looked very tasty in their state of yellow delicacy.

Being hungry, as people are wont to do, I picked up one of the bananas and peeled it. Intending to take the biggest bite out of it that I could manage, I tossed the waxy outer layer into the sink. Consequentially, our personal garbage disposal, better known as our family dog Biscuit, heard its wet plop and barreled toward me. Unable to stop on the wood floor, she careened into my legs, cutting one of them with her teeth. I stumbled back heavily and let my banana slip so that it decorated the floor. Biscuit gave me that doggy grin of hers and went to work.

Sighing in annoyance, I let the dog take care of the other fruit and peeled the last banana, finally getting the bite I so desired. As luck would have it, Mr. Dorward arrived right then. “You got any bananas?” I could hear him ask. Swallowing, I looked at the one in my hand.

My parents and Mr. Dorward entered a few seconds later, stopping short when they saw me. “You ate a banana?” my mother screeched at me. Dad winced. I nodded helplessly as she peered around me. “Where’s the last one?” she demanded. I pointed to where Biscuit was still polishing the floor. That day, my mother actually growled at me. Growled at me.

Mr. Dorward took one look at my mother’s face and whispered, “Oh my.”

“What do you have to say for yourself”? my soon to be maternal murderer bellowed.

Silence reigned for a few seconds, (I swear, it must have been years.) while I looked for an escape route. At the perfect time, I spotted the minor, non-life threatening cut on my leg, courtesy of Biscuit. Muttering something about a bandage, I escaped through the living room door. Mr. Dorward stared after me as I left my mother to deal with him and my father to deal with my mother.

The next day, we found out that my father did not get his raise. “Maybe next time.” Mr. Dorward said. Supposedly, it was because of my mother’s lack of conduct, but at our house, it was still “my fault”. Now none of my siblings will converse with me because they don’t get allowance raises. Certainly my mother will not talk to me, and my father usually does what Mother tells him, so he won’t either. Since its summer, all of my friends are at some kind of summer camp or at some innocuous aunt’s house. Sadly, this leaves me all alone.

Seven days ago, I ate a banana. Now nobody will talk to me.

The End

What did you think? Hate it? Love it? Did it send you into a hysterical laughing fit? Or just make you giggle? Reviews are welcome and encouraged!

Late March