A/N: Yes I know it took me forever, sorry about that but so is life!! Things have really gotten busy on my front, but now I have finally updated!!! Thanks so much to all my reviewers and readers!! ;-) And now without further ado…

Step 11:

Wake Up From A Dream Of A Perfect Night Before, Then Have Your Dreams Crash Down Around You For Reality’s Emerge

After waking up ridiculously early, ‘like three hours after I finally went to sleep’, after such a long night, and not minding so much since it was Nathe who woke me. ‘That mans mouth are what wet-dreams were made for.’ I’ve gotten no where near enough sleep to be prepared for my first meeting with B.B. and Finnien. I stand here now looking, ‘I can only imagine’, like a deer caught in head lights with Finnien’s arms wrapped around Scott and myself in a hug bear hug, as he calls us Charlie and Luke with I being the one dubbed Luke. And you’d think Scott would be of some help with the situation to set Finn, ‘as he likes to be called’, straight, but oh no. When I try to correct Finn’s mistake Scott cuts me off and starts going along with it. Then Finn asks a question about Charlie and Luke dating and the next thing I know Scott is trying to KISS me!

Yeah, like I said I’ve gotten no where near enough sleep to be prepared for this. And I now find myself helping Finn take his and B.B.’s luggage to the guest room, after he specifically asked for my help in doing so. We walk into the room and I set down my load of luggage then stand awkwardly fidgeting. Not knowing what to do next.

“So, I take it you’re enjoying your staying here,” Finn says robustly as he sets down his luggage load.

He then turns to face me with a broad smile on his ruggedly striking face. ‘Okay fine he’s fucking hot!’ And I nod stiltedly as I return his smile hesitantly.

“Loosen up laddy, ye don’t have to be afraid!” he says laughing as he approaches me and slaps my back in a friendly gesture.

“Sorry if I scared you, just having a bit of fun with the wee lads,” he says ruffling my hair.

“Hey,” I say indignantly without think, ducking away from his hand as he laughs and use my fingers to unknot the tangles in my hair.

“That’s better yea,” he says as he walks over to one of the garment bags on the bed and unzips it.

“So how’s your ma,” Finn asks as he unpacks.

“Um,” I intone then clearing my throat.

“She’s doing okay,” I say rocking back on my heels a few times and stuff my hands in my pants pockets looking around the room.

“That’s good. Will she be getting out anytime soon,” he asks putting thing away.

“Um, today actually,” I say slowly frowning a bit. ‘Just how much did Nathe tell them about me?’

Finn glances at me at the sound of my voice then turns back to what he’s doing smiling a bit.

“Don’t worry lad, Nathe only told us the bare enough to explain why you’re living here now. Ya know so we won’t think he kidnapped you and locked ye in his room to have his wicked way with ye,” he chuckles finishing up empting the garment bag and moving to the next.

“Oh, okay,” I say nodding. ‘I guess that would need a bit of explaining.’

“Though the only difference between their thoughts and reality is that I came willingly,” I think to myself.

And apparently say out loud because Finn lets out a rather large chortle and looks at me shaking his head. I can feel the sun rising on my face as it turns scarlet.

“Travis,” we hear yelled in our direction.

“It’s time to go,” Nathe finishes as I hear a door open. ‘Oh thank goodness!’

“Um, I uh guess I’ll see you later,” I say to Finn as I hastily make my way to the bedroom door.

“So ye will and thanks for the help,” he says nodding at me still sniggering.

“No problem,” I throw over my shoulder as I leave. ‘Well that was… embarrassingly interesting.’

“Ready,” Nathe asked putting his sunglasses on as I enter the foyer.

“Yeah,” I say smiling at him. ‘The glasses look sexy on him.’

“‘Kay,” he says opening the door and gesturing for me to exit.

Nathe follows behind me locking the front door and pressing the car remote button to disarm the alarm and unlock the doors.

“So what do you think of the O’Connell’s,” Nathe asks with a half smile, about B.B. and Finn, as we settle and he starts the car.

“They’re cool. Maybe a bit energetic,” I say blushing, hoping he doesn’t take it as an insult.

“Yeah, they can be a bit overwhelming,” he says, chuckling as he pulls out of the driveway and we head to the doctor’s office.

“Yeah,” I say taking a breath of relief that there was no misunderstanding.

“You’ll get use to them,” he says reassuringly.

“And when you think about it they’re really no worse than the lot of us,” Nathe says smiling at me with a small laugh.

The rest of the drive is more or less comfortable silence between us, except for the radio, with bits of conversation here and there about random things. But my own mind is slowly falling into chaos as we get closer to the time to pick up my mom…‘Closer to the time when my life becomes hell again.’

XxXxXxX

As we sit in the doctor’s office waiting to be called my thoughts continue to race with all the things that will change now that she’s getting out. ‘My biggest problem now is that I think she might be worse.’ I haven’t told Nathe, mostly because I’ve been in denial myself about it, but though she’s stop drinking she has a new addiction now; putting all of her energy into, “saving my soul from the abomination that is my life,” as she put it. Some how through making friends with one of the nurses that has been helping her read the bible in the clinic, she has come to the so called understanding that it’s not her fault that she was the way she was but that it was mine. That some how I’m the incarnate of evil, for being gay, and that I was the one who drove her to be so volatile and crazy; so now it’s up to her to save me from myself. ‘Yeah, not from her but from myself.’ So now every time I visit her, after convincing Nathe, per her request, that it was safe to leave me alone with her, she has been trying to convince me that Nathe is evil, using me and corrupting me for his own sick pleasure.

And now they’re telling me that she’s healthy enough to be released, and this is what they’re sending home to me. I’d rather have her the way she was. I knew how to deal with her the way she was. Now…I can’t even find my feet let alone footing to stand on. I can protect myself against punches and thing but what the fuck am I suppose to do with this shit. ‘No mom actually I think you’re wrong. I don’t believe I’m going to hell and actually I do think God still loves me.’ Isn’t exactly a compelling argument nor is the fact that she might have actually gotten me to believe that God did hate me before I moved in with Nathe. ‘So like I said what the fuck am I suppose to do with this.’

Unfortunately it’s a relatively short wait before we’re shone into an exam room where a portable x-ray is taken of my arm, and I’m not any closer to finding out the answer. So I just push it to the back of my mind and focus on what’s going on now. ‘Like my cast coming off and being able to touch Nathe with both hands.’ After taking the ex-ray the nurse then left with assurances that the doctor would be right with us and I move about restlessly as we wait. ‘Now I really can’t wait to get this damn thing off with that thought.’ I sigh and look up from my swinging feet to see Nathe smirking at me.

“A bit anxious are we,” he asks as he follows my movements with his eyes.

“You would be to if you were about to finally be able to wrap your arms around your boyfriend without having to worry about knocking him out,” I snap then stick my tongue out at him. ‘Damn, I’ve been hanging around Luke too much.’

Nathe just laughs as he leans over to kiss me. As he pulls away the door to the exam room opens and the doctor walks in along with the nurse who was here before.

“Ah Mr. Bankton, Mr. Nikodemos,” Dr. Leaming says, nodding at us in greeting as he shuts the exam-room door.

“It looks like it’s that time. How does your arm feel,” he asks walking over to us and lifting my arm for examination.

“Better, it itches like crazy but better,” I answer as he turns my arm back and forth.

“No pain or other discomfort,” he asks as he stretches it out and look at my fingers.

“No,” I say, shifting on the exam-bed and getting slightly impatient.

“Okay, let’s get this cast off,” Dr. Leaming says, lowering my arm and walking over to the tray by the bed which holds the power-saw the nurse set up while he was examining me.

“If you feel any pain or discomfort just scream, and hopefully you’ll feel it before we see blood,” he says laughing at his own joke.

Which I don’t find the least bit funny. That’s really not something one says to put their patient at ease. His laughter tapers off when he realizes no one else is laughing, and he clears his throat, ‘yeah, as if that was the problem,’ and turns the saw on.

“Alright-y then let’s get started,” he says moving the saw over to my cast.

“AHHHHH,” I let out a loud fake yell that causes the doctor to jump, shutting off the saw, and Nathe and the nurse to look at me sharply.

“Just making sure my lungs work,” I say still looking at the doctor and flash him a swift fake smile. ‘Yeah not so funny now is it.’

“Right,” he says and gives a quick nervous chuckle before turning the saw back on bringing it over my cast again.

In hindsight I imagine it’s not the smartest thing in the world to do, to make your doctor nervous minutes before he’s about to saw a cast off your arm, but hey, I’m not having the best of days. And the closer we get to the time to picking up my mom the more nervous and worse I feel.

Luckily the rest of the doctor’s appointment went on without a hitch. Unfortunately it also put us on the road to pick up my mom sooner than I was ready for.

“How does your arm feel,” Nathe asks glancing over at me.

“Better. It can finally breathe now, though the air feels funny against it,” I say rubbing my arm absently.

“And, how are you feeling,” he asks meditatively.

“Like I’m going to throw up,” I say on a breathy snort.

“Oh yeah, and why’s that,” he asks making a right into the facility’s parking lot.

“I... What if… I don’t know, no reason. Everything’s fine, she’ll be fine. Everything will be better,” I say opening my door, as Nathe pulls into a spot, and getting out before he can even put the car in park. ‘Yeah maybe if I say it often enough I’ll start to believe it…or it’ll come true. Which ever comes first.’

“Travis,” he calls after me as I hear his car door slam shut and his feet pattering hastily after me.

He catches up to me grasping my arm and turning me around to face him.

“Talk to me,” he says moving in nearer to me but still a somewhat proper distance in public.

“I…I just really want her to be better, but I don’t think…” I sigh and run my fingers through the left side of my hair. ‘I just can’t bring myself to say it out loud.’

I know it’s crazy but I feel like if I say it out loud then maybe she’ll never get better. ‘Besides it’s not like there’s anything he can do about it anyway.’

“I just want her to be better,” I repeat lamely.

It was stupid of me to ignore the inevitable. It’s not like they could keep her here forever, but as long as she was in here it didn’t matter what she said because as soon as I left then non of it could touch me. As long as she was in here I was safe. And as long as I was safe I was happy.

“And hopefully she will be, but we just have to take one day at a time. Okay,” he says running his hands up and down my arms and I nod vaguely taking a deep breathe.

We enter the facility and I look around as the bright colorful art work, painted walls and richly colored furniture are illuminated by the sun shinning in through the large thick windows. It never fails to remind me of a hotel lobby when ever I come here, and looking at it you would never know what the building is really used for.

“Hello,” I hear Nathe say and look up to see him already at the front desk.

“Hello, may I help you,” the desk clerk says as I reach the counter.

‘Well in the spirit of not being able to ignore the inevitable anymore…It’s time for me to start taking care of myself again.’

“We’re here to pick up my mom,” I say a bit shortly as Nathe opens his mouth to speak, and I studiously continue to look at the clerk as Nathe turns his head to look at me.

A/N: I know, I know after such a long wait then I go and leave you slightly hanging!?! I’m such a horrible person! What can I say, that’s where they left me too! Lol! Yes I’m sorry to say Travis’ mom is coming back into the picture, and yes she is worse. Poor Travis I think his walls of self-preservation are coming back up. ;-( HTSUYL: 101 has been updated as well! Sorry it took so long, but hopefully it was worth the wait! Till next time!! ;-)

Reviewers & Readers: Thank you so much for sticking with me even after such a long time. I truly appreciate it! And thank you to all the newbie’s and your reviews for getting me to slice out some time and get my but in gear! Lol. So again thank you everyone so much and I hope you enjoyed the update! ;-)

Next Chapter: Step 12: Realize That All Happiness Fades, And Except That It’s Time For You To Retake The Reigns