the room is full of people—s.t.r.a.n.g.e.r.s, and you find yourself judging them
just by looking, and you /hate/ yourself for that, but then (of course) you have to wonder how they’ve judged
you. and you’re beginning to think about how you’ll ever be able to stand it when you go
back, being always surrounded by people who don’t know you (and maybe
they’ve already decided they don’t want to) and constantly trying not
to worry about what they’re thinking, because you never were quite l.i.k.e the rest of
them and you’re still so sick of pretending and you want them to know you for who you really are b/u/t
how can you possibly show them? especially the ones who already think they know you—you wish
(so badly) that you could scrub away the last year-and-a-half and start anew,
a new person in a new place with new people all.over.again.

-

((how will you ever make them see when you can’t even see yourself?))